You Mean More to Me Than Words Could Ever Say

"So..." I started. Gerard looked at me expectantly but I didn't even know what I was going to say. In a way I wanted to know about Ryder but I knew it would only upset me. Still, it nagged at me.

"Frankie?" He asked. I snapped out of it and looked into his eyes, taking a breath. It was now or never.

"Uhm, whats going on with you and Ryder?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Well, I'm not sure." I looked at him patiently.

"I mean, he's everything I look for." He stated, with an unreadable expression.

"What do you look for?" I asked, wondering. Maybe I could see if I have anything hes looking for.

"Humor, similiar music taste, creative mind, and hes attractive." Well, that didn't help much. I knew I listen to the same stuff as him, and I don't know if writing songs makes me creative, and I don't know if I'm funny or attractive. However Mikey said Gerard thinks I'm hot but I don't know anymore. He likes Ryder.

I just nodded absent mindedly and studied my cereal. He seemed to notice my change in mood and continued eating his cereal, quickly, before downing his milk and cleaning up. I took my time with it as I heard him in the living room, flipping through channels on the TV. I finished up a few minutes later, feeling my stomach start hurting, and then sat with him on the couch.

"So are you guys like... together?" I asked.

"Why do you care so much?" He asked.

"I... I don't know." He looked at me, seeing right through me.

"Frankie, whats going on with you?"

"What do you-" He cut me off.

"Frank, god dammit. You've been different. Like when you fled the fast food place or stayed back from Taco Bell and drank yourself to sleep. And what brought up the fact I was gay when you were talking to my grandmom? Like you're being really distant and sneaky." I blankly stared at him, feeling like I was having the conversation with Mikey all over again. He started talking about but I wasn't listening, I was watching the way his lips moved and the way he talked out of the side of his mouth. I admired his flawless milky skin and his long dark lashes. His eyes were so green and inviting, and I found myself in a trance.

"Frank!" I flinched and brought my fingers to my mouth, knawing at my nails. I wanted to kiss his lips, his neck. Go in for a hug and feel his cheek brush against mine.

"I just..." I met his eyes and took a gasp of air as I realized my throat was tight and choked up. I felt the tears coming on. I just wanted Gerard to kiss me. This crush came out of no where, or maybe it didn't. Either way, I wanted him as something more than a friend.

"Frank, please." He begged.

"I have alot going on."

"But-"

"Just forget it, Gee!" I yelled. He widened his eyes at me.

"No, I won't forget it, Frank. You can trust me." He said. And I did trust him. But what do you do
when the person that's messing everything up is the one who wants to know whats wrong?
I decided to tell him about how I can hardly eat and why, and the problems I deal with with my mother. I figured that would work well enough. It wasn't a lie, I did still have problems with eating and my mother is a lot to handle. She's out of control when she's drunk. After telling him all that, he nodded and placed an arm on my shoulder.

"Thats alot, Frankie. You must miss your father." For some reason that statement hit me hard. I thought back to when he left, and before then and how much better life was. I was always closer to my father than my mother. And I realized just how much I missed him. Before I knew it, I was crying. Gerard wrapped his arms around me and I felt his cheek brush against mine. Butterflies rippled through my stomach. I buried my face in his hair, taking in his comfortable scent. I was at ease, I was content. My sobs quieted down. As I brought my face back, he looked at me for a second before leaning in.

The next thing I knew, Gerards soft lips were on my forehead.