You Mean More to Me Than Words Could Ever Say

Suddenly Gerard backed away from the kiss and dropped his hands, slipping his fingers around the loops in my jeans. I felt my lower region grow warm, but I controlled it. I stared at his eyes seriously for a moment before smiling, I couldn't help it. Every time I looked at him I couldn't help but smile stupidly at him. He smiled back wider.

"You always do that," he said giggling. Before I could ask he continued.

"Every time you look at me you smile. I don't know if you realize it." I didn't answer. I was still too stunned by everything, so instead I simply shrugged my shoulders. He smiled again before stepping back and grabbing my hand.

"Let's go."

"Where?" I asked him. He mimicked my shrug and pulled me towards the doors, not bothering to make sure there weren't any teachers or security guards around. I glanced around nervously, wanting to inform him that we're going to get detention, or even suspension, but the extreme urge to just be with him overpowered that thought.

We started running, for no reason I believe. Maybe due to excitement. Maybe due to the rush we were receiving from ditching class, even if it was the last one of the day. But we ran, hands locked together and chests heaving all the way to the parking lot. Without a word we got in his car. He started it up, and proceeded to warn me to fasten my seat belt because he doesn't trust his driving skills. So I did.

"There's some CDs scattered by your feet." Gerard suddenly said after a few moments of silence. I looked down and pulled my legs up onto the seat. He laughed at me as I shuffled through the twenty some tapes.

There was some stuff I didn't expect, like David Bowie, Elton John, and Joan Jett. I raised my eyebrows at him, but he was busy driving so I said nothing. There was nothing wrong with it, it just simply shocked me. Then I found stuff that seemed more him, like The Smiths, The Misfits, Iron Maiden, Black Flag, Rob Zombie, The Ramones, etc, along with bands I never heard of, but seemed to be the same genre. I was stuck between Misfits and Black Flag of course, they were my absolute favorites.

"Misfits or Black Flag? Nice taste, might I mention." He smirked at me briefly, before looking back at the road.

"I'm feeling Black Flag." Gerard said smiling. I nodded and opened the case, before popping in the CD. The song came on as 'track one' but didn't need to know the name to know which one it was. As soon as the vocals started, Gerard and I both start singing, quickly making eye contact, smiling slightly, and continuing. Our voices grew increasingly louder, and before we knew it we were singing louder than the tape, and jamming out to the full extent. I admired Gerards voice as he sang, gushing at his talent. The beautiful part was how oblivious he was.

He sat there, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel, bobbing his head slightly, and brushing his hair out of his face. It was going haywire due to the fact his window was down. I watched his mouth as he sang, and his eyes as they slightly crinkled every time he hit a loud note. He was adorable, in all honestly. Gerard caught me looking and just smiled, before looking puzzled.

"Frank, see if my cigarettes are in the glove box?" I turned to it without replying and clicked it open, seeing the pack resting on top of papers and bags of candy. I pulled it out and showed it to him, as he seemed relieved.

"Thank fuck." He said, before reaching for them. I let them go, slightly unwillingly, because I wanted one for myself. Last time I smoked it was interesting, it made me dizzy. I enjoyed the feeling. I stared at him as he lit one, with an expression I hoped said that I wanted one. I don't know why but I was too nervous to ask. Thankfully he noticed and smirked at me, handing over the pack not saying a word. I glanced briefly at them, seeing what kind they were.

"Marlboro Blacks?" I asked. Gerard nodded.

"Yeah, fucking fancy little fuckers." He said. I wanted to ask why but I felt dumb, so instead I just pulled one out and reached for the lighter that laid carelessly in the cup holder, next to a star bucks coffee.

Gerard watched me carefully as lit and inhaled the cigarette, masking my face from showing discomfort to the smoke entering my lungs. After a few drags I got used to it again and started taking deeper drags, feeling accomplished. Gerard continued singing in between each inhale, but I focused purely on the cigarette. I started to get that familiar light headed feeling, as I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the seat, enjoying the sensation.

During the ride we didn't talk about what happened at school, or our kisses, or our feelings. It was like it didn't happen. We just sat there enjoying the music, not feeling awkward, or as if anything changed between us. In a way it felt nice. Now that something had finally happened between Gerard and I, I was content with it moving at a steady, slow pace. As long as it was happening. That's all I cared about.

"You alright? Light headed?" He asked suddenly. I opened my eyes and nodded slightly, smiling.

"Yeah, not as much as that first time though."

"It'll go away slightly each time, as long as you smoke them consistently. If you smoke one or two every now and then, not daily, your body won't adjust to it, and the dizzy feeling will never go away. But if you do it daily it will." I nodded thoughtfully.

"How can I get cigarettes though? I'm only 17. And you have to be 19 to purchase them." For a second I thought about how my birthday was next week. Gerard pursed his lips and took a deep drag.

"I'll buy you pack, and then we'll go from there. I know I'm your age but the guy at the one gas station I go to regularly sells em to me without I.D. Yet he cards everyone else. I think he has a crush on me." He giggled and I rolled my eyes at him playfully.

"Well thanks Gee." I said sincerely. I remembered I had some money saved up.

"I can give you the money." I told him. He slid his eyes over towards me, taking a quick drag, before blowing out 'O' rings. I let myself be amazed for a moment before pretending to ignore it and await his answer.

"It's fine." I decided not to fight it, and just continued smoking. It was already becoming easy for me. I almost felt as if I was simply inhaling air. After a few moments, the silence was broken again.

"Isn't your birthday soon?" Gerard asked. I nodded.

"Halloween." I said, assuring him. He looked as if he was thinking hard. As we pulled into the driveway, he turned the car off and look at me directly.

"We're having a party." He said defiantly. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"A...party? Us?" I asked nervously. I had only been to a few, never had I hosted one.

"Yeah. At your moms house. It's perfect. A huge fucking banger... We'll invite everyone. It'll be a costume party. Alcohol. Of course some marijuana..."

I looked at him, completely baffled, as he continued rambling on about everything we would do, and how to go about it. This seriously couldn't be good.