Status: Active!

Deal

I

Candy stared at herself in the mirror, not sure what the exact imperfection was with her make up, but knowing one was there. She always had been vain, always making sure her appearance was perfect. She couldn't stand not looking good, it just put her in a bad mood.

Sighing, she decided to give up and just accept her make up as good enough. She only had a couple more minutes, then her shift would start and she would be out on the floor. Standing up from her chair, she began staring at herself in the mirror again. Sometimes, she couldn't believe it. After all she had been through, all the pain, all the sleepless nights, she has done something she always told herself she would never do; completely degrade herself.

The entire time she lived in that house with her junkie mother and pervert of a step father, she always promised herself she would become something more. Something successful, something she could be proud of herself for. That she would get good grades all through high school, get into a good college, and do something with her life. Maybe become a teacher, a nurse, something like that. But instead, she spent her entire high school career numbing herself from the pain and self-loathing she was always burdened with. When she should have been studying, she was either getting fucked up or making half-ass attempts to kill herself. And she hated herself even more for that. For becoming just like her mother, for becoming like the textbook stereotype of an abused girl.

"Candy, time for your shift."

She broke out of her daze and looked in the direction of her voice, and saw Sapphire. A pretty dark skinned girl with long curly black hair who worked at Sugar Lips with her. Sapphire was the only girl Candy really talked to, she thought all the rest were beyond irritating.

Candy smiled in her direction, then saw the fifth of Jack Daniels she was holding.

Sapphire smirked, "You want a hit off this bottle? I got that old white motherfucker to go over to Muhammad's and get it for me."

Candy laughed, Sapphire always had a way of convincing the desperate customers to go across the street to the party store to buy her either liquor, cigarettes, or Swishers. "You know it," she said before taking the bottle in hand and pressing her hot pink painted lips to the bottle, "I hate being out there completely sober. You gonna have this with you out there?"

"Hell no, guys will wanna be hittin it all night. I'll have Miguel hold it for me behind the bar. Just tell him I said you can put a head on it, but don't go tellin none of the other bitches; they can get their own."

Candy laughed and agreed, and walked out of the dressing room with Sapphire. The club was dark, and the only light in the entire place were either dim or some sort of strobe or black light; harsh lighting made the girls look like emaciated clowns. Loud, fast paced music boomed from the DJ and the speakers in the ceiling. Men, and maybe a couple of women, were littered all over; seated right up at the stage, at the bar, or at tables, booths, or couches either talking between each other, being entertained by a girl working the floor, or paying all their attention to the girl on stage. Currently, it was a girl who went by Foxie. She had long hair, big curls meticulously placed at the ends, and dyed bright red with some cheap looking dye. She was easily recognized by the fox tattoo she had on her ass that was almost always visible.

Tonight, Candy was working the floor. This meant giving men lap dances, simply doing shots with them, having them buy her drinks, and make out with a few; maybe taking them into the VIP room. She sure as hell didn't like it, but it was better then being on stage.

She hated being on stage. Constantly having to touch the men right up front, who were usually dirty truckers or men that looked much too eager, made her skin crawl. But she needed this job, she couldn't go back to her mother's house. Ever.

Candy began her night with something not too bad; a nice sized group of frat boys. Alpha Phi Omega, to be exact. Her and two other girls were with them, taking shots, laughing, flirting, giving a lap dance or two; doing their job. After a few dances, when she felt like she had sucked enough tips out of them, she made her way to the bar; she felt like having some more of that JD.

"Aye, Miguel!"

Miguel was a funny, charming guy that worked the bar. They used to have a girl named Champagne do it, but the men at the bar got too out of hand, and the guy who owns the joint thought Miguel would be a better fit. He spun around and strutted over to Candy, smiling.

"And how can I help you, bonita?" His dark brown eyes twinkled along with his perfect smile. His Colombian accent was thick, but not thick enough to the point where you couldn't understand him.

Candy leaned on the counter, looking behind the bar and smiling. "Sapphire told me she put her bottle of Jack back here, I'm the only head she wants on it."

He stepped back, his grin getting even wider. "Ah, si si, seƱorita. Sapphire told me to remind you to ah, not let any of the other 'bitches' get word of this bottle." He did air quotes around the word bitches and ended his sentence with a wink, sliding her the bottle across the counter.

She smiled back at him, pressing the bottle to her lips; feeling the familiar cool press of the glass. She gulped down the whiskey, letting the entwinement of bitterness and warmth slide down her throat. As she set the bottle down, she grimaced. If only lick didn't taste so nasty.

The rest of the night went as expected. She entertained some older men for a while, then moved on to a lonely looking guy that actually wasn't too bad looking. Both bought her drinks and shots, and by the end of her night she was pretty tipsy.

Sliding on her grey drawstring sweatpants, Candy instantly felt better. The tight, barely-there clothes got very uncomfortable after a while.

She made her way outside, her Nikes crushing into the snow. Michigan's weather sucked this time of year; inches of snow, below freezing temperatures, it was like Hell literally froze over. She knew she probably shouldn't be driving, but she really didn't care; maybe could get into a car crash and die.

Throughout the drive home, Candy grew more and more depressed. The familiar feeling of self-loathing began to creep into her mind. Tears began to well up in her blue eyes, and as much as she tried to blink them back they wouldn't stay away.

She had turned into the piece of shit she promised herself she would never become, and now look at her. She was an alcoholic stripper that will do anything for drugs. She had almost no friends, except for maybe Sapphire.

By the time she was running up the flight of stairs up to her floor to get into her apartment, Candy was wailing. Her mascara and eyeliner ran like huge black waterfalls down her cheeks. She jammed her keys into the door and pushed it open, nearly falling onto the floor. Desperately making her way to the bathroom, she ripped off her coat and kicked off her shoes. She continued ripping off her clothes until her entire skinny frame was bare. She turned the shower onto the hottest tolerable temperature and jumped in, crying and pulling on her blonde hair.

In that moment, she hated herself. She not only hated herself as a person, she hated her existence. She deserved everything that happened to her. The times her step-father came into her room, the times she allowed other men to batter her, the times her mother would slap her and throw her down. In her mind, she deserved absolutely everything.

"Why?! Fucking why?! Why can't this all be over with, why can't I just fucking die?! Fucking why God, why?!" Candy screamed, banging her fists into the tile until falling down and curling up into a ball. She tried to push the thoughts of suicide away, but as always they continued to pop into her mind as her sobs eventually fell to quiet, childlike cries. She felt worthless; she was washed up by the time she was 16. Nobody would want her for anything more than a fuck, nobody would love her.

She was alone, nobody could help her; and that's all she wanted. She just wanted someone to love her for once, to take away the sadness, the pain, the hatred. Someone that wanted to care for her, someone that would pick her back up when she fell. Someone to help her change her life around. She was desperate for someone to care, for someone to be there. Anyone.

And that someone would be there sooner than she thought.
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Sooo, the point of this chapter was to basically introduce Candy and show how much she hates herself, her life, and her decisions. I know, Candy is a totally stereotypical stripper name but I chose it because, well, lets be honest: its a name that is commonly given by white trash moms, and that's what Candy came from, white trash. Comment, subscribe, and recommend!(: