Islands

“Luke, go away, I don’t want to hear it.” Stuart sighed, resting his head in his hands.
“Please Stu, just let me explain.” Luke pleaded.
“Explain what exactly? Why you thought it was ok to mess me around? Save it; I don’t want to know what sick reasoning you used, I just want you to go away and leave me alone.”
“I didn’t mean to! I was so stupid and confused that I couldn’t see what I was doing to you until it was too late. I’m so sorry for what I did but I am yours now.” The boy flailed his arms dramatically as he tried to explain his behaviour.
Stuart watched on with a raised eyebrow as the boy tried to convince him that none of what had happened had been his fault. In the end, he found himself laughing, hysteria taking over, as Luke tried to twist the situation and make him feel guilty. Not this time.
“So what you’re saying is, every time you slept with a woman, it was because you were confused? Because if I remember rightly, you slept with what? Six? That’s a lot of confusion; how do you even manage to tie your shoelaces?” Stuart snapped, sarcastically.
“I-I just…” Luke stammered.
“You just what? You just couldn’t keep it in your pants? You just couldn’t accept that you were gay?” Stuart shouted, “Well, what was it?”
“I NEVER DID IT!” Luke shouted back, tears rolling down his reddened cheeks.
“Oh I think you’ll find you did!” Stu scoffed.
“No! I mean, I tried but every time I hooked up with someone I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I tried to convince myself that I was straight, that you were just some sort of malfunction, but I just couldn’t.” He sobbed.
The second the tears started falling, Stuart could feel his resolve slipping away; this was why he had wanted Luke to leave straight away. He couldn’t stand seeing the chubby blonde upset and always forgave him, even when he didn’t deserve it. Sometimes in the past, Luke had turned on the waterworks just to get away with things but this was definitely the real thing and it was killing Stuart inside.
“So, you told me that you loved me then tried to cheat on me to convince yourself that you didn’t? In what world does that make sense?” Stuart’s voice was gentler now.
Luke’s body heaved with the force of his sobs, making it impossible for him to form sentences. He twisted his fingers together, his head hung, as he stood in front of Stuart like a naughty child being told off. He tried to tell Stuart that he didn’t know what he was thinking at the time and that he really did love him but he was physically incapable of getting the words out so he just shook his head slightly.
It was at this point in time that Stuart realised that he could not be angry any longer and that the boy in front of him could not feel any worse; it was time to start picking up the pieces. He sighed, rubbing his temples with his index fingers. This was not what he had intended but maybe it would work out better than plan A for both of them. He stood up and stepped towards Luke, who cowered away, afraid of what Stuart was about to do to him.
“Come here.” Stu said softly, opening his arms.
Cautiously, Luke moved into the embrace and Stuart held the smaller man tightly whilst his body still shook. He nuzzled his face into his hair, breathing in his unique scent which he loved so much; how he had ever planned to live without this boy he could not fathom.
“You’re gay, Luke.” He whispered, receiving what looked like a nod in response, “Say it.”
A small mumble came from Stuart’s thick hoody, where Luke had buried his face, his arms wrapped around Stuart’s middle. That wasn’t good enough for Stuart though; he needed Luke to mean it if this was ever going to work. He pushed the boy away from him and held him at arm’s length, crouching slightly to make eye contact.
“I didn’t hear you. This isn’t about me anymore, I can see what you are, this is about you being honest with yourself. If you can’t do that then there is no point in us even trying.” He said firmly.
Luke sniffled, rubbing his eyes and breathing deeply to try to stop the heaving. He knew Stuart was right and he had to do this, he’d just never said the words out loud before.
“I am gay.” He said quietly, almost a sigh.
“What was that?” Stuart half smiled.
“I am gay.” Luke said more firmly, a smile starting to break out on his face too.
“Sorry, I’m going deaf. What was that?” Stuart grinned.
“I am gay!” Luke shouted at him, grabbing his hands and grinning back.
“Alright weirdo, calm down!” Stuart smirked, sitting back down and pulling Luke down onto his lap so that he could continue cuddling him.
They sat in silence for a few minutes; both having lots to think about. Occasionally, the taller boy would use his cuff to wipe the remaining tears from the smaller’s face, causing a smile to break out instead.
“Please don’t ever do that to me again.” Stuart suddenly broke the silence to voice what he was most worried about at that moment in time.
The smaller blonde looked up at him and rested a hand on his cheek, “I promise I won’t ever hurt you again. I’m so sorry for what I did, I was searching the world for what’s right here.”
Stuart smiled and kissed the blue-eyed boy’s head; that is all he had wanted to hear.
“Kiss me.” He whispered into Luke’s ear causing goosebumps to form down his neck.
He turned around on Stuart’s lap so that he was straddling him and smiled as their lips melted together. It was soft and gentle, unlike all the arguments and tension that had been taking place over the previous few months. They could feel all of the trauma and hurt slipping away with that single kiss and new things beginning. When Stuart finally pulled away for air he gazed at the boy who was mere centimetres from his face still.
“Luke?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you be my boyfriend? Properly this time; no lies, no secrets, no cheating.”
“Of course!” He grinned, “I am yours now.”