Shattered Glass & Broken Hearts

“Why didn’t you tell me she was going to be here?” Ronnie hissed at Ryan a few hours later as they sat in the green room. The girls had gone off somewhere else, probably to talk with Emily about him. He had seen the shock on Emily’s face; she obviously hadn’t known that he was here, which told Ronnie that her friends had to have set this up.

“I didn’t know she was the Emily that you used to be with,” Ryan defended himself, crossing his arms over his chest. “I just knew her name was Emily, Ron.

“Well, didn’t Joss say anything to you? You two are always fucking talking, she had to have let something slip about this,” Ronnie countered, looking at Ryan dubiously. His friend just sighed, shaking his head as he looked down at the carpeted floor.

“She didn’t tell me a thing, Ronnie. Probably because she knew I’d say it was a bad idea for her to spring this on both of you. Obviously neither of you is ready to see each other or she wouldn’t have looked like she saw a ghost and you wouldn’t have stormed off like you did,” Ryan tried to calm his friend down.

But there was no calming him down. Ronnie was pissed, there was no doubt about that. But it wasn’t because of Emily.

It was because in that split second of seeing her, all the guilt and pain that had been building up for the last ten years had come to a head. He had seen the shock in her eyes when she’d seen him standing there, and then that shock had turned to pain. In that instant, he knew that she hadn’t gotten over what he’d done to her, even if it had happened a decade ago. In ten full years, she still hadn’t gotten over him and that was what hurt him most; what pissed him off most.

“Well, she obviously doesn’t want to be here. Maybe you should talk to Joss and see if she can take her home or something,” he told Ryan. “I don’t want her to be uncomfortable.”

“If she wants to go, she’ll say something. Why don’t you just go talk to her, Ronnie? I’m sure she’s gotten over the shock by now, and I mean…maybe talking will—”

“You saw her reaction, Ryan. She obviously doesn’t want to talk to me and I’m not going to force her. Just go talk to Joss and see if she’ll take Emily home.”

“She’s just going to—” Ryan started before he cut himself when he looked over at the doorway to the greenroom. Emily was standing there, hands behind her back and head looking down at the ground. She still seemed pretty shocked, but Ryan could understand that. After all, it had been ten years since she’d seen Ronnie. Ten long, probably painful years.

“Do you want me to leave?” She asked softly, causing Ronnie to look up at her, his eyes widening when he heard her voice.

He hadn’t expected her to speak to him, or to even come looking for him, for that matter. Ryan let out a slow breath, muttering that he was going to go find Jocelyn before he got up, leaving Emily and Ronnie alone with one another.

Emily didn’t say anything. She was starting to wonder why she had come looking for him. She hadn’t anticipated even seeing him this morning when she’d woken up, and yet now she was standing in front of him with nothing to say and everything to feel.

“Do you want to uh…sit down or something?” Ronnie mumbled out, sliding over on the couch so that Emily would have some room to sit down if she wanted to. Nervously, she decided she might as well. Jocelyn and Ryan were probably off somewhere together by now, and she already knew that Jacky and Hanna had gone to lunch. It left her here alone, and with nobody else that she knew, this had seemed like the best option.

Now, however, she was starting to doubt that.

She walked into the greenroom and sat down on the couch, making sure she was as close to the edge as possible before she set her hands on her lap carefully, discreetly tugging the skirt of her dress as low as she could in an attempt to hide her scars. That wasn’t something she was comfortable with anyone seeing, and especially not Ronnie.

Emily was well aware of the fact that Ronnie was watching her now, probably trying to figure out what had changed about her in the last ten years. She knew that that she looked a lot different than she had the last time he’d seen her.

“If you aren’t comfortable, I can try and get one of the other guys to take you home or something,” Ronnie muttered, bringing her attention over to his face. Emily just shook her head.

“That wouldn’t be fair to you guys or your fans. You start in a few hours and you still have rehearsal. I can rough it out for a few hours. You know me,” she tried to make a joke, though she knew that neither of them was particularly amused. The truth of the matter was, he didn’t know her anymore.

Emily may have stayed mostly the same for the last ten years since she’d seen him, but a lot of other things had changed. She wasn’t as ambitious and carefree as she had been when she’d been with Ronnie. The car accident had changed that; after coming out of the coma and slowly recovering over the years, she had lost that part of herself. Max told her it was a good thing, but sometimes she missed the way she had been with Ronnie.

“I had no idea, Em. If that means anything,” he spoke to her after several minutes of silence had passed between the two of them. He lifted his head to look in her direction, a small frown on his face. “If they’d told me what was going on, I would have—”

“—You would have told them what, Ronnie?” Emily asked, cutting him off. “That you didn’t want to talk to me? That you didn’t want to see me?”

Her voice came across as slightly bitter and hurt, though Ronnie completely understood why. He had hurt her and he understood that. He was okay with the fact that she was angry with him. God only knew that if he’d been in her position, he’d never let go of the pain and the hurt. If he’d been her, he would never forgive him for what he’d done.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to,” he mumbled.

He found it almost ironic that for someone who always had something to say, he was almost speechless right now. He could see that she was close to tears, and it killed him that he was making her feel that way. He just didn’t know what he was supposed to say. What were you supposed to tell the girl you’d almost killed?

“You just left, Ronnie. No note, no explanation. No follow up phone calls. That was a choice. Don’t tell me that you didn’t want to do it, you always have a choice in life.”

“It was a lot more complicated than me just leaving, Em,” Ronnie countered, trying to defend himself even though he knew that she was right. “I felt so guilty,” he added in a slight whisper.

Emily could hear how torn up he still was over the accident, and when she caught his eyes lingering on the several scars on her legs, she cringed and tried to cover them up. Ronnie’s hand stopped her, however, and in that instant, she froze. It was the first time he’d touched her since before the car accident.

“I did that to you, Emily,” he continued, running his finger along one of the longer scars. It had faded with time, though the flesh was still a slight pink color, letting him know just how deep and painful it must have been at one point. “I know you’re still in a lot of physical pain from that night, too. I did that. I caused all of the chaos in your life, Emily, and that’s why I couldn’t see or talk to you.”

She was silent, letting his words sink in. She had assumed over the years that he had gotten over it. After all, he’d made no effort to contact her. She hadn’t heard a single word from him in ten years, and if Max had spoken to him, he hadn’t told Emily about it.

She had never thought, however, that he was still feeling guilt even now. He hadn’t been the one in the hospital, and while she’d known he loved her before the accident, she had merely assumed that afterwards, he’d just felt the need to move on. Never had she thought he had left her to intentionally hurt her, but then again, she’d never thought he was hurting too.

“I never blamed you, Ronnie,” she told him, biting her bottom lip as she let her fingers graze over his carefully before she stood up, hearing her friends’ voices in the hallway. “I hope you know that.”

She didn’t say another word as she walked out of the greenroom, letting Ronnie sit there alone. She had no idea whether or not her friends planned on taking her home, but she knew that she didn’t really want to leave now. Seeing Ronnie had hurt on initial impact, but now that she’d talked with him for even a few moments, she wanted to stay and maybe see if they could get to know one another again. It wasn’t that she wanted a relationship with him again. It was too soon and far too impractical, and aside from that, she still felt the abandonment she’d felt when she’d woken up to find him gone from her life. But maybe, Emily thought to herself, maybe they could get back to having a friendship again if they tried hard enough to do so.