Shattered Glass & Broken Hearts

It took a little over two hours for everyone to finally settle on eating at Jack in The Box before heading back to whosever’s house to crash at for the night. Emily had already ignored three phone calls and countless texts from Max, so she knew he’d be worried, but she wasn’t too concerned with that. It wasn’t as if she had to check in with him; he wasn’t her parent. He was her brother, and she realized it was time to start making her own way in life without double-checking with Max every time she did something.

The entire time they were inside of Jack in The Box ordering their food, she couldn’t keep her eyes off Ronnie. Emily knew she’d be embarrassed if he realized it, but she really couldn’t help it. She was surprised at the changes he’d made over the years, even though he was definitely still the same Ronnie Radke.

The biggest physical change was the muscles he’d developed over the arms she remembered as being slightly scrawny. She had a sneaking suspicion that while he’d been in prison, he’d probably spent a lot of time working out. It definitely showed in a good way, she thought with a blush as she bit the corner of her lip.

He’d also added a lot of tattoos to his collection, and he’d changed his hair style up a bit. He was still wearing eyeliner, just like he had when she’d known him in high school, and his pants were as tight as they ever had been. He still seemed to walk with a confidence not many people were born with, and for that, Emily was glad.

“You couldn’t make it any more obvious, you know,” she heard Hanna’s voice almost giggle from beside her as they sat at the table, eating their food. Jacky had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and Jocelyn and Ryan were sitting off at their own table, doing their own thing.

“What?” Emily blinked.

“Oh, please,” Hanna sighed, giving her friend a knowing smile. “You’re definitely checking him out.”

Emily’s eyes widened as she shook her head quickly, even though she knew Hanna was right. She had been checking Ronnie out, but it wasn’t like she could be blamed. He looked damn good, and he obviously knew it.

“I…” Emily started before she was cut off as Ronnie looked over at her, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips before he turned away. His smile left her blushing, and Emily groaned when she heard Hanna giggling again.

“I can’t help it,” Emily finished her sentence. “I still…”

“I know,” Hanna replied, cutting her friend off, reaching over the table to rub Emily’s shoulder reassuringly. “Me and Joss both know. We’re both here for you if he fucks it up.”

“Fucks what up?” Emily asked honestly, shaking her head. “There’s nothing between me and him anymore and there never will be again. Whatever we had ten years ago, it’s gone now. And it’s not coming back. Neither of us is kids anymore, Hanna,” she frowned, taking a French fry in her mouth before she sighed. “And besides, it wouldn’t work out. We’re both too damaged.”

“Oh, you’re not damaged. You’re just hurt, that’s all. And hurt can heal,” Hanna tried to reassure her friend before she looked up as Jacky resumed his place beside her at the table, a grin on his lips as he took one of Hanna’s fries much to her dismay.

“Hey, don’t pout,” Jacky told her as he took another, still smirking. “It almost makes me feel bad.”

“You’re depriving me of vital nutrients,” Hanna glared at her boyfriend before she giggled, unable to keep a straight face as Jacky pulled some sort of funny face with the fry in his mouth. “God, I can’t even pretend to be mad at you,” Hanna sighed before she grabbed his hand in what was supposed to be a discreet manner underneath the table. Emily still saw, though she didn’t call attention to it, knowing that her friend hadn’t wanted to make Emily feel left out.

“So, I guess Ficarro’s not gonna be there tonight, and Derek’s gonna be going over to his girlfriend’s place to crash,” Jacky spoke. “I think that Ryan and Joss were gonna head over to their place, too…Probably better that way. I don’t know if I wanna be around them tonight, not if that’s just the prelude,” he muttered, making a face when he looked over to see the couple subtly touching one another and kissing.

“So then it’ll be you, me, Ronnie, and Emily,” Hanna noted before she frowned sternly at Emily when she opened her mouth. “Don’t even try to get out of this, little missy. You’re definitely coming with us to whosever’s house we crash at tonight. No ifs, ands, or buts.”

“But—”

“Didn’t I just say, no buts?” Hanna cut her off. “Besides, you’ll enjoy it. I promise. When’s the last time you honestly hung out with friends outside your apartment? You’re becoming a hermit and I’m starting an intervention tonight.”

“I’m not a hermit,” Emily grumbled under her breath. “I just…I don’t get out a lot, that’s all.”

“The clear definition of a hermit,” Hanna concluded.

Emily just sighed, knowing that she didn’t have much choice in the matter. Her apartment wasn’t anywhere near this part of Hollywood, and she knew it was too late for her to even consider taking the Metro bus or a taxi. It wasn’t safe, and besides that, she’d never felt comfortable on public transportation in the first place.

“Fine,” she relented before she pushed some hair out of her eyes. “I’ll go with.”

“I think it’s gonna be Ronnie’s place we crash tonight,” Jacky told Hanna in a quiet voice. “His place is closest and the driver doesn’t want to go traipsing all over town.”

“It’s not a big deal. Is it, Em?” Hanna prodded her friend, arching her eyebrow. When Emily opened her mouth, Hanna shook her head, her eyes softening. “I know it’s got to be hard, being around him again,” she said in a hushed whisper, obviously not wanting Ronnie to hear what she had to say. “But trust me, it’s a good thing. It’s time to heal the wounds, Emily.”

“I know,” Emily agreed.

Her friend was right and she knew it. Enough time had passed, and Emily was ready to bury the hatchet. She wanted to move on and she knew that Ronnie probably did, too. Her heart had lingered on him for far too long, and she had a sneaking suspicion that the reason she hadn’t been able to stop loving Ronnie was simply because there had been no closure to their relationship. He’d just left, that was it. He hadn’t even left her a note, and there had been no follow up. The only thing he’d left behind for her had been his blue and white bandana, and that wasn’t exactly closure.

Emily allowed herself to look over at Ronnie again and she couldn’t help but feel her heart ache when she saw that he seemed to be thinking about something. He was sitting at his table by himself, since Derek and Ron had already decided to leave for the night to go spend time with their own girlfriends.

He looked lonely, and that wasn’t something Emily liked.

“Go talk to him,” Hanna prodded her before Emily shook her head.

“Not here,” she told her friend. “If I talk to him, I don’t want people hearing what’s going to be said,” she added as clarification “It…Well, it’s private, Hanna. Stuff I haven’t even told you.”

Hanna nodded, understanding that it was just something that Emily needed to do for herself. She was willing to let her friend make the call herself, especially in such a delicate situation. She knew that Emily was still heartbroken, and that wasn’t something that could just heal overnight.

“Alright,” Hanna told her. “Just so long as you’re planning on talking to him at some point.”

Emily nodded, choosing not to say anything else as she finished eating her food. It didn’t take her long, and then she sat in silence as she waited for her friend and Jacky to finish eating as well. Ryan and Jocelyn came over and told them goodbye and goodnight, saying that they’d everybody around later before they made their exit, obviously ready to get back to Ryan’s apartment.

When the time came for Emily, Jacky, Hanna, and Ronnie to leave, Emily couldn’t help but feel her stomach tying itself in knots. She was scared to death of being alone with Ronnie. Not because she thought he’d hurt her, because she already knew he’d never do something like that intentionally. She was scared because she didn’t know what he had to say. This wasn’t a situation she’d ever thought she’d find herself in, and now that she was in it, she didn’t know if she was actually ready to face him.