Shattered Glass & Broken Hearts

The next morning when Emily woke up, she had almost forgotten about the fact that she was sleeping in Ronnie Radke’s apartment; that he was asleep only a few rooms away from her. When the realization sunk in, a groan fell from her lips. Turning her head to look at the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand beside the bed, she saw that it was nearing eleven o’clock in the morning.

“Damn,” she muttered under her breath before she stretched out her feet. She knew that by this time in the morning, Hanna and Jacky had probably already gone back to his or her place, wanting more privacy. For all Emily knew, her friend had probably forgotten that she’d come along last night. It wasn’t as though she’d be able to blame her if she had, because Emily knew that her friends weren’t used to her coming along on occasions where there would be socializing.

She heard someone talking outside the bedroom door in the hallway and frowned when she heard Ronnie talking softly on the phone. It had always amazed her how loud and arrogant he could be on stage, and yet when the spotlights were off and the crowd was gone, he was one of the most down to earth and quietest people she had ever known.

“Yeah, I can take her home,” Ronnie muttered into the phone before he sighed. “Jesus, Jacky, what do you think I am, an asshole? Of course I’m not gonna say anything.”

Emily heard a little bit more of the conversation that Ronnie was obviously having with Jacky on the phone, but then he started to walk somewhere else because his voice became more distant, and then she couldn’t hear him at all.

She decided that since it was almost noon, it was definitely time for her to get her ass out of bed. A loud yawn fell from her lips as she pushed the heavy blankets off of her body before she stood up. She was still dressed in the same clothes as she had been the night before, but that didn’t bother her. It wasn’t like she needed to impress Ronnie anyway, she thought almost bitterly to herself.

Ten years ago, impressing Ronnie was all that she would have wanted to do.

She did her best to straighten out the mess her hair had become and wiped away the smudged makeup after finding a bathroom attached to the bedroom. Taking a shower crossed her mind, but she decided against it. That would be intruding on Ronnie’s hospitality, and she’d already intruded enough by sleeping in until eleven. Hell, she’d intruded enough by just simply staying over the night.

After taking a look at her appearance in the mirror for a second time, she decided she looked fine and then walked out into the hallway. She remembered the way down to the living room and then made her way towards the kitchen, stopping when she realized she didn’t hear Ronnie anywhere in the house.

He wouldn’t have left her here alone, would he have? He hadn’t forgotten she was here, had he?

Of course he didn’t, Emily. He was just on the phone talking about how he’d take you home, she mentally chided herself as he sat down at one of the bar stools near the breakfast bar. The morning’s newspaper was there, and it almost seemed a little ironic. Ten years ago, this would have been far too domestic of a lifestyle for Ronnie to be comfortable leading.

“I’m not much of a cook, but Jacky ran out and got some donuts from the shop down the street before him and Hanna left this morning,” Ronnie’s voice sounded from behind her, causing Emily to jump in her seat, nearly causing her to fall. Ronnie’s hand steadied her arm as he moved beside her, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Thanks,” she muttered under her breath, returning a nervous smile as she took the bag of donuts that he handed her. She knew that Hanna would have told Jacky which ones to get her, especially after deciding to leave her at Ronnie’s place without her.

“What time did they leave?” She asked him as he sat down next to her, waiting until she’d taken a donut before he grabbed one as well.

“Um…Fuck, I don’t know. Six?” Ronnie told her, shrugging. “I guess Hanna got a call from the hospital she works at and she needed to get there as soon as possible. Jacky took her and then I think he went home to his place.”

Emily nodded, knowing that if that was the case, Hanna would have felt extremely guilty for leaving Emily there. Especially after knowing the history between her and Ronnie, she thought with a small frown.

“Well, that’s being an E.R. nurse for you,” Emily told Ronnie as she bit into the donut. “She’s probably happy it was a day shift instead of a grave, though. She hates those to death.”

“I know,” Ronnie couldn’t help but smile as he thought of his many conversations with Hanna about how much she detested the night shifts in the Emergency Room. “She gets all the weirdos, doesn’t she?”

“Seems like it,” Emily agreed as she thought back to how she and Hanna had actually met. It had been about three or four years ago, back when Max’s addiction had been really bad. He’d overdosed on something one night and Emily had ended up taking him to the Emergency Room at the nearest hospital. Hanna had been on call that night as a nurse, and that’s how the friendship had begun.

There was an uneasy silence between the two of them before Emily felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. She frowned when she realized that it was her brother again, and her eyes widened when she saw how many missed text messages and phone calls she had from him. It looked as though he had been up all night worrying about her, and she almost felt guilty for not letting him know where she’d been.

Then she remembered that he hated Ronnie, and the guilt dissipated.

“So uh…” Ronnie started, unsure of what it was that he wanted to say. They’d already gotten past the relationship talk, and he felt no real need or drive to simply make small talk with her over nothing.

“When did you get Charlie?” Emily asked quickly to avoid any awkward pauses as she saw the black dog walk into the kitchen, heading directly towards his food bowl on the other side of the kitchen.

Ronnie smiled when the dog’s name was mentioned, and within minutes the two of them were discussing the animal. It was nice to find something neutral to talk about with him, Emily thought to herself as he talked on and on about the dog. It wasn’t uneasy or awkward talking about an animal, mostly because Charlie hadn’t been around when Emily and Ronnie had been in the car crash, or when the relationship had broken up.

“He’s gonna be coming on tour with us this summer, I think,” Charlie told her with a smile, pulling her out of her thoughts as she watched him patting the dog’s head.

“Tour?” Emily asked. “Aren’t you on tour now?”

“Well, yeah, but we want to do another tour before we start working on recording the new album,” Ronnie shrugged. “We got asked to do Warped, and we’re gonna do that. Man, it’s been forever since I was back there.”

Emily felt her heartstrings pull when Ronnie brought up Warped Tour. She hadn’t been back to it since the first year Ronnie had done it in 2004, after the first album had been released.

It had been such a stressful tour for everyone because it had been his only real tour with them after the album had been dropped. It had been after the car accident and Ronnie hadn’t wanted to do it. Neither had Max, mostly because he’d been extremely angry towards Ronnie for the accident that had left her crippled.

During the entire tour, there had been a lot of fights and a lot of black eyes amongst the two. They’d never spent much time around each other, and the worst part of it all had been that Emily was there to witness the break down between their friendship.

It had also hurt to see Ronnie taking girls back to the bus at night, too, she thought to herself. Though, she had to admit, it wasn’t like she could blame him. He’d been lonely and drunk, and he’d also been high most of the time. He’d been just as fucked up as Max had been and that wasn’t something she could hold against him, even though she knew she should.

“Em?”

She blinked and turned to face Ronnie, forcing a halfhearted smile on her face as she watched him stand up.

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna take Charlie out for a walk so he can do his business. Otherwise he’ll shit on the floor. You want to come with?”

Emily had to admit, she was shocked that Ronnie was asking her to come with her for something like that, but she wasn’t going to turn him down. It would feel weird being in his house by herself, and she knew that the only other option was to go with him. She nodded and excused herself to go upstairs so that she could get her shoes.

The shoes were right where she’d left them in front of the dresser, and she sat on the edge of the bed to slip them onto her feet. She was just starting to stand up when a picture stuck in the frame of the mirror on the dresser caught her attention, breaking her heart in one simple gaze.

Ronnie had stuck a picture of himself with Emily in the frame. It was one that she remembered; after all, it was the very same one that she had safely tucked into the top drawer of her own dresser for days when she was feeling particularly reminiscent of the past.

Her fingers reached out to touch the photo and before she could stop herself, she grabbed it and turned it over to read the writing that she already knew was on the back. It was a photo she had given him, after all, and she’d left a letter on the back for him.

Hey baby,
Just wanted to give you this. I know it’s cheesy, but you never smile in photos and you were in this one. I wanted to remind you that even if the sky’s falling down around you, you still have the power to be happy if you choose to be. Love you forever, Ronnie. Forever and ever.

Emily

Emily felt her throat tightening as she replaced the photograph quickly, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She hadn’t realized that Ronnie had kept anything like that, and to know that he had made her wonder what his real motives had been when he’d left her that night in the hospital.