Shattered Glass & Broken Hearts

“Just let her do her thing, man,” Ryan tried to offer Ronnie some unwanted advice, his voice soft as he watched the singer pacing back and forth in his living room. Even Charlie knew to stay away from Ronnie right now – the look of agitation on the man’s face was clear as he fisted his hands by his side.

“She wouldn’t even fucking listen to me, Ryan!” Ronnie blew up.

It was illogical for him to be angry with her in this situation, and he knew it. He was the one who’d walked away, who’d broken her heart. He was the only one he could blame in this situation. Of course, it didn’t stop him from being mad. The Emily he had always known before the accident had listened when he had something to say – had listened when anyone had something to say.

Had he jaded her so much that she couldn’t be bothered to take her time for him?

“Ronnie…You kind of did the same to her,” Ryan muttered under his breath, holding his hands up in self-defense when the singer turned to shoot him a glare. “I’m just stating the truth, man. Whether or not you want to hear it.”

Ronnie sighed, his head falling back as he thought back to this morning’s chain of events. He had thought she’d see that he cared, that he’d never stopped caring, if he stayed outside her door. Apparently, all it had done was piss her off even more than she had been before. Right now, he was wishing that she’d never come to that show because his life, as painful as it had been without her, had been easier without trying to figure out what he was supposed to do.

At least for the ten years she’d been absent, he hadn’t had to think. He had already made his choice, and he had lived with it. Of course he’d regretted his decision to leave her time and time again, day in and day out, night after night. But he’d been able to live with himself, finding comfort in the fact that her life was better off without him in it.

“Just give her time,” Ryan smiled. “I’m sure she’ll talk to you eventually. I mean, her best friends are dating me and Jacky. She’s gonna be around.”

“Just because Joss and Hanna are gonna be around doesn’t mean that Em will want to be,” Ronnie pointed out before he felt his hands tightening in fists again. “Goddamn it!”

“Calm down,” Ryan sighed.

He hated seeing his friend so upset over this, but when push came to shove, Ronnie was the one who’d made this choice for himself. Ryan didn’t know Emily too well – he hadn’t even really talked to her, except for the night of the show. But Joss had told him enough about the situation for him to realize that Emily still hadn’t completely gotten over Ronnie, and it had been ten years.

Ryan knew enough to understand that Emily’s heart was still hurting, and that she would never stop feeling that pain. Her love for Ronnie had been completely genuine and true, and by the looks of Ronnie, he still loved her just as much and just as equally.

But sometimes, love didn’t always work out.

“What am I supposed to do, Ryan?” Ronnie asked in a voice that teetered on cracking as he sat down on the edge of the couch, swiping his hands back through his hair several times in frustration. His foot tapped incessantly on the floor, and his eyes remained closed for fear of tears finding their way out.

“I…” Ryan started, before he shrugged, casting his own eyes to the ground. “I don’t know, man.”

He’d never been in a situation like Ronnie’s. He didn’t know what he’d do if Joss ever left him – fuck, he’d be completely devastated. She was his world, and if Ronnie’s love for Emily was anything like what Ryan felt for Joss, he didn’t know how he’d keep hold of his sanity if she left his world. That being said, he didn’t know how he’d react if he was the one who’d broken the love of his life’s heart.

The door to the house opened and then closed, interrupting the half-conversation as Jocelyn walked in, looking furious as she narrowed her eyes at Ronnie.

“You go and find her, Radke. Right fucking now, before I bash your skull in.”

The anger in her voice was clear, and Ronnie couldn’t help but swallow hard. Jocelyn wasn’t a woman to be messed with when she was angry. He blinked and then arched his eyebrow.

“She was leaving her apartment this morning when I was there. She asked me not to follow her, I didn’t. I don’t know where she is, Joss,” he sighed, biting his bottom lip when he watched her face turn even redder.

“And neither do Hanna or I!” She all but yelled at Ronnie, her hands throwing themselves in the air out of anger. “And I called Max…He hasn’t fucking talked to her in two weeks, Ronnie. This is all your fault!”

“My fault?” Ronnie asked, his own voice growing louder. “How is it my fault?”

“You hurt her again,” Jocelyn snapped at him. “Maybe not physically, but you did. Just you showing up at her apartment the way you did hurt her. Can’t you fucking see it, Ronnie? She never got over you! She never will get over you!”

“She needs to!” Ronnie growled at her. “Because God knows I’m no good for her.”

“Okay, everybody,” Ryan sighed as he stood up, stepping in between his agitated girlfriend and the angry singer. He placed his hands on Ronnie’s chest, making him take a few steps backwards. “Everybody just needs to calm down, okay?”

“Fuck off, Ryan,” Joss hissed at him. “He needs to hear everything I’m about to fucking say.”

“Baby, c’mon. He’s—”

“He’s a fucking asshole,” she finished for him as she met Ronnie’s gaze. “I don’t give a fuck if Emily won’t admit it. She never said one bad word about you, Ronnie. Not even after you tore her heart to fucking pieces. Not after you walked away, leaving her alone wondering what the fuck she did wrong. She never said one bad word about you. And then you go and pull this shit? Un-fucking-believable.”

“What did I do, exactly?” Ronnie asked, voice deadly calm. He was angry – he had never taken well to being yelled at, and the last time a woman had picked a fight with him the way Jocelyn was, it had led to a pretty nasty verbal fight. He would never hit Joss; not knowing how much Ryan loved her.

But that didn’t mean he was going to take her shit, either.

“You showed up at her apartment. You talked with her that night about everything she’s been trying to forget. You made her feel comfortable around you again, Radke. You made her feel okay. And that’s why she’s just up and fucking disappeared,” Jocelyn whispered the last word, tears starting to form in her eyes.

She hated knowing that her friend had felt the need to just disappear without letting anyone know where she was going. It hurt, knowing that Ronnie was the one behind all of this.

“I went over to her apartment to talk because I was trying to fix things, Jocelyn,” Ronnie growled at her.

“You shouldn’t have,” she answered him with just as much vehemence. “Not knowing how she’s still hung up over you. Ronnie, she never stopped loving you. Don’t you get that?” Jocelyn asked him angrily. “She never will stop loving you. Her life is better off without you in it.”

“Babe, c’mon. This is between them. You don’t need to get yourself involved,” Ryan murmured as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling Jocelyn back from Ronnie as his eyes narrowed at her.

“Drop it, Joss. You don’t know a fucking thing about what happened with me and Em.”

His voice was dark as he stormed out of the living room, leaving Ryan and Jocelyn to themselves. He couldn’t deny that it worried him that Emily had taken off without letting her friends or her brother know where she was going, but he knew she wouldn’t have gone far. She wasn’t the kind of person to just walk away from those who cared about her.

That was just Ronnie, he thought bitterly.

He sighed and pushed a hand back through his hair as he walked into the bedroom she’d used the night she’d crashed at his house. A faint smile formed on his lips when he saw the picture he kept of them in the mirror. He doubted she’d seen it – she hadn’t really been in the room all that much, and she probably hadn’t snooped. He picked it up with gentle fingers and trailed her face with his forefinger.

God, he loved her. He still did. He’d never stopped – love wasn’t just a switch that could be turned on or off at will. But as much as he loved her, he was toxic for her. All he had ever done to Emily Green was break her heart, and he couldn’t live with himself if he did that again. And that was why he decided it was best for him to avoid seeing her for good. She couldn’t be half in his life and half out – it had to be all or nothing, and with the risk of hurting her running high, he’d rather have none of her than all of her.