Jumped

I hated school. I hated it because of the people. I hated it because of the lessons. I just hated school.
That morning, my best friend, Matt Good, was coming to pick me up and give me a lift there, like he usually did.

I was awoken a 6:45 AM, with something furry and orange pawing at my face. I groaned. “Jub-Jub...” I mumbled, pushing the bundle of ginger away. Jub-Jub, my thirteen year old cat, hissed at me, before sitting on my chest and I groaned again. “Jub-Jub, move...!” I whined, sitting up slowly and she jumped into my lap, rubbing her head against my shirt. That was her way of saying that I needed to get out of bed.

I gave her a pet and did so, swinging my long legs over the side and standing up slowly, stretching as far as I could. I showered and got dressed, before padding downstairs.

My mom was already downstairs, preparing cereal and whistling to herself as she did so. I leaned over and gave her a hug, as she jumped slightly, before turning and hugging me. I was just a little bit taller than her now, but that still didn’t stop her from getting on the tips of her toes and giving me a kiss on the forehead. “Morning, Andy,” she said. “What are you doing up this early?”

It was 7:15 by now. I shrugged. “Jub-Jub woke me up,” I replied, opening the cupboard to get my “Cap’n’Crunch” cereal.

“Are we expecting a visit from the lovely Matthew Good today?” she asked as I sat down to wolf down my breakfast and I nodded. She smiled. Matt was like a part of the family. The door bell rang and I got up to answer it. Sure enough, there was Matt’s 6”3 frame, standing as awkwardly as ever in the doorway.

“S’up,” he grinned and I rolled my eyes.

“Come in, douche bag,” I giggled, grabbing his arm and dragging him inside. My mom grinned at Matt when she saw him.

“Hey, Matt,” she said.

“Hey, Mrs B,” he replied. My mom offered him something to eat but he politely declined. “Andy and I have to get to school,” he said.

“So early?” my mom asked, surprised. Matt and I cast each other a glance.

“...Yeah,” I said quietly, “They need us in early today.” She frowned, but let it go. She kissed my forehead again, and then kissed Matt’s as well.

“Dad should be here when you get home, Andy,” she said, leaving the room. Matt grinned at me.

“You ready to go?” he asked. I shook my head.

“Just let me get my bag and then I’m coming,” I said. He nodded. I ran upstairs and brushed my teeth, before grabbing my Batman messenger bag and leaving the house, getting into Matt’s crappy car.

“About time, princess,” he joked. I punched his arm, lighting a cigarette and handing it to him.

“Just drive,” I said, lighting my own. Matt did so, and we blasted music through the car’s ancient speakers until we got to where we were going: The old abandoned parking lot.
It was never really used for anything nowadays, but Matt and I liked to come here sometimes. It was like our special secret place, and it was a shortcut- taking you only ten minutes to get to the school instead of thirty. Matt cut the engine and we both got out of his car, only to sit on the bonnet of it.
Matt sighed into the silence.
“All the time we come here, and I still love it,” he said.

“I know,” I replied, “I do to.”

Matt and I had been best friends for years now. We’d met when I was six, and he was seven.

I was sitting in the sick room, holding an ice pack to my head. He’d come in, because he’d fallen over and cut his knee. When he’d seen me, he’d done a double take.
“Whoa,” he’d said, “What happened to you?”
I sniffled, sticking out my bottom lip. “I got into trouble and I banged my head,” I said, sniffing. He fumbled around in his pocket and handed me a tissue.
“What happened?” he asked.
“Well,” I began, puffing out my chest, “It was MY turn to be the line leader, and I was doing a really good job at it, and then Billy Thorner pushed in front of me, and I said “Hey, I’M the line leader” and he said “I don’t care, I’m doing it!” so I head butted him, and he started crying and I started crying because it hurt and then my teacher told me off and now she’s phoning my mommy,” I sobbed.
He frowned. “Oh...” was all he said. Then he patted my arm.
“Don’t worry,” he smiled, “You’ll be ok.”
“My mommy will be mad at me though,” I mumbled.
“Not as angry as my mommy can get...” he whispered. Even then, I knew there was something up. “Anyway, my name’s Matt,” he said suddenly.
“I’m Andy,” I replied.
“Andy, do you wanna play with me later on at lunch?” he asked, as the nurse came over, putting a large band aid over his knee. I nodded.
“Ok,” I said, “We can play Batman! You be the good guy and I be the bad guy!”
“I wanna be the bad guy!”
We looked at each other. “Let’s both be the bad guy!” we said at the same time, giggling. We’d been best friends after that.

“What are you laughing at?” Matt asked me, as I giggled.

“I was just thinking about when we first met,” I admitted and he smiled.

“Holy shit, you remember that?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said, punching his shoulder. My smile turned to something serious and I frowned. “You don’t?”

He snorted. “Of course I do,” he replied, “I’d never forget anything about you, Andy...” It went silent again, but not an awkward one. I help up my right hand.

“Best friends forever?” I asked him. He did the same with his own right hand and we made our fingers touch one another.

“Best friends forever,” he agreed. He suddenly noticed the time. “Shit, we’re gonna be late for school!” he said. I groaned, resting my head back against the car.

“Fuck school!” I announced. “I just wanna stay here with you all day!” He laughed and leaned over me like he was going to kiss me. If only he would. For a second, my heart started beating like crazy. Instead, he tapped me on the nose.

“Andy. School. Now,” he teased, before dragging me off the car and pushing me inside. I just hoped he didn’t notice how red my cheeks had become.

6969696969

We had to run, but we managed to make it into school before the bell. Matt grabbed my arm and dragged me after him. As we got closer to our home room though, I started to feel nervous. “Matt, I don’t wanna go in there...” I whispered.

“If they say anything, I’ll make them stop,” he promised.

“You’d better,” I warned him, as he opened the door, holding it open for me to follow him inside. As soon as I stepped into the classroom, any talking died down and their eyes all settled on me. I gulped, and slowly began to walk to my seat.

“Hey, Ballsack!” someone sneered. “Where you been?”

“Leave him alone,” Matt growled.

“Aaw, you need your boyfriend to defend you, Ballsack?” someone else laughed nastily and I flinched. My boyfriend...

“I said, leave him alone!” Matt snapped.

“H-He’s not my b-b-boyfriend...” I mumbled. I had meant to sound cocky and careless, but my voice cracked and it came across as being high and reedy, and it just sounded pathetic. Everyone burst out laughing. Matt put a hand on my shoulder and led me over to the desk we shared. I allowed my fairly longish hair to slide forwards to cover my scarlet coloured cheeks and any stray tears that were leaking from my eyes.

“Are you ok?” Matt asked me quietly, his breath tickling my ear and I nodded. He frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but just then Mr Shawn, our teacher, walked in.

“Settle down everyone, settle down!” he insisted and people soon were quiet. “Ok, so we have a few messages I’d like to read out today,” Mr Shawn began. “First of all, I’d like to tell you all that...”

I blocked him out, focusing on other things. Matt had seen me crying, I knew he had. And when Matt saw me cry, he automatically felt that it was his fault. I buried my head in my hands, closing my eyes tightly.
Mr Shawn was going on about some dumb school get together that nobody gave a crap about. It was a miracle when the bell went.

As I stood up hurriedly to leave, Matt grabbed my wrist. “Trying to ditch me so soon?” he joked but I didn’t return the smile and he frowned. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop them...” he whispered.

“There was nothing you could do,” I replied, as we headed to our first lesson; I had maths, and he had chemistry.

“I could have stopped them. I should off!” he said fiercely and I squeezed his arm.

“It’s ok,” I told him quietly. “It wasn’t your fault.”
He sighed and nodded, squeezing my hand before leaving for class. I slowly trooped to lessons, slinking to the back of the room like I always did.

I felt so awful, the way that Matt blamed himself that people picked on me. It wasn’t his fault that people called me gay, faggot, emo or whatever.
Ok, so I’m going to set the record straight. I AM gay, I’m NOT a faggot and I’m NOT emo...I’d tried cutting myself before, and I wasn’t about to do it again.
I began to doodle in the corner of my maths book, as Ms Greggs droned on and on and on about the importance of algebra and percentages- like I gave a damn.

The problem with me and Matt was that I’d become dependent on him. It’d always been just “Matt and Andy” or “Andy and Matt”, and I’d never had the need to branch out anymore. Why did I need to, when I had Matt for my friend?
However, I sucked at defending myself. Whenever someone made a comment about me or towards me, I just froze up; I didn’t know what to say to them or anything. And Matt, being my best friend, would always stick up for me. And as a result, people gave him shit too.
They didn’t do it to his face though. Matt was fast approaching 6”4, a scary height for a seventeen year old. I was only 6”2; I’d reached my target height by now.
I slipped in my headphones during the maths lesson, then lowered my head down onto the desk and slept.

I didn’t get to see Matt for the rest of the morning, which was bad because I really needed his defensive skills, especially in English, but we managed to meet up at lunch, in the usual place we always did. I was standing by the science fiction section in the school library, and he came up behind me, covering my eyes. I squeaked and tried to pull him away, but he wouldn’t let go.
“Guess who?” he breathed against my neck, making me shiver and I squealed.

“Matt, fuck off!” I whined, and he let me go, before giving me a hug. Matt and I were always hugging. My breath hitched in my throat and he hugged me tighter, burying his face into the crook of my neck and pushing against it, nuzzling it. “...M-Matt...” I choked out and he suddenly stopped.

“Oh...sorry,” he mumbled, blushing, pulling away from me. We headed outside to sit in the shade of the large oak tree that sat at the end of the field. We could smoke here and not get caught.
“How’s the band?” Matt asked me as I unwrapped my PB and J sandwich. I took a large bite, chewing thoughtfully.

“It’s going good. We’re got a show soon, just a quiet club one,” I shrugged.

“When?” he asked sheepishly, knowing that I’d told him a million times already.

“Next month,” I reminded him kindly and his sheepish grin widened.

“Hehe,” he chuckled, “I’m just fucking with ya, Andy. I’ll be there to watch you guys kill it.” He reached into a bag and pulled out a big bag of chocolate chip cookies, licking his lips.

“Matt!” I scolded him, putting my sandwich down and glaring at the cookies. He looked hurt.

“What?” he asked.

“You can’t eat all of those now!”

“Why?” he demanded. I poked his tummy.

“You’ll get fat,” I pointed out and he rolled his eyes.

“Is that code for ‘Andy wants a cookie’?” he asked in a baby voice and I giggled, nodding. He took one out and I opened my mouth for him to place one inside. I bit down, chewing it whole, relishing as the delicious taste of chocolate and cookie dough filled my mouth. “Nice?” he asked and I nodded, opening my mouth for another one. He put a second cookie into my mouth. Soon, he’d fed me half the packet. “Great, now there’s only half left for me!” he whined. I giggled again, snuggling up to him.

“Love you, Matt,” I said, handing him my other PB and J and he rolled his eyes, grinning.

“Ok, you’re off the hook.” As he ate, my eyes locked on his, watching him closely. There were so many things I loved about him; his eyes; his hair; his face; and the way that he could go on and on about online gaming. “Andy, are you even listening to me?” he asked suddenly.

“What?” I asked quickly. He frowned.

“Why were you staring at me...Is there something on my face?” he asked nervously.

“No,” I said slowly. His frown deepened.

“Well...Then why were you staring at me?” he asked. I blushed and looked away at the floor, embarrassed.

“I wasn’t...I was daydreaming...” I mumbled and he blinked.

“...Oh,” he said, “Ok...So, anyway, what I was saying was, I think I’ve found a way to get past level 67...” I trained his voice out after that, and just gazed at him through my hair.

In case you hadn’t guessed, I liked Matt. Yeah, as more than a friend...I had for a while now. I know that people always say that it’s completely normally for you to be attracted to your friends, it’s just a phase and your bodies being curious, but with me, my feelings for Matt are totally the real deal.

He made me laugh, he stood up for me, he was good looking...and he loved me like a brother. I didn’t know where I’d be without him. I’d had...dreams about him as well. Embarrassing, dirty, wonderful dreams that made me blush when I thought about them during the day, and made me smile happily when I thought about them at night. But he’d never want me like that. I knew it already.

He was still talking, so to shut him up, I slid into his arms, wrapping them around me and resting my head against his shoulder. To him, this would just be an ordinary sign of our friendship. To me it was so much more.
“Have you ever thought?” I asked him, “That if you weren’t friends with me, you’d be more popular?” He took a deep breath in through his nose, staring into space.

“Not really,” he said slowly, “But I don’t need anyone else...I’ve got you.” I leaned up, watching him with my piercing blue icy eyes and he smiled softly, sadly.

“And I’ve got you,” I whispered quietly and he nodded. We sat in silence, staring at each other. Then Matt broke away, looking at the grass.

“...Do you want more friends, Andy?” he asked suddenly. I blushed at the thought.

“Who’d wanna be friends with me?” I scowled.

“You’ve never tried,” he pointed out.

“What do you mean?” I demanded.

“Well, you’re always hanging around with me, maybe you should talk to some other people?” he suggested.

“I’m always hanging around with you because people are constantly trying to beat the shit out of me!” I snapped. He looked hurt and I added, “And you’re my best friend.”

“Do you just see me as some sort of bodyguard then?” he asked.

“No,” I growled. “But you’re the only friend I’ve got.”
He sighed.

“I’m sure you could make more if you tried,” he said under his breath.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, you only ever talk to me...maybe you need t-”

“Is that your way of saying that you don’t wanna be friends with me anymore?” I demanded, my tone rising.

“What are you talking about? I just thought you meant-”

“Ok then, Matt, fine, I’m going,” I said, getting to my feet and grabbing my bag.

“Andy-”
“I’m going to find some more friends!” I insisted, stalking away from him.

“Andy, wait!” he yelled after me, getting his backpack and jogging to keep up with me. I broke into a run, and I could hear him yelling after me, but I didn’t listen to him.
I didn’t stop running until I got inside the building. I decided I was going to go down the teacher’s corridor to avoid the cafeteria; the last thing I needed was a bunch of other students picking on me and treating me like shit when Matt wasn’t with me to help me out.

Students weren’t allowed to go down the teacher’s corridor, so I knew I had to go quickly. As I was speed walking, I began thinking about what Matt had said. Did I want more friends?
I mean, sure, I wanted to be popular, just like every other kid...
But what was I willing to do to get it?

I was so distracted that I wasn’t looking where I was going. I turned my head just in time to see the door to staff room fly open and hit my square in the face. I jumped back, clutching my nose.

“Jesus!” a voice cried and I realised with a sense of horror that it’d been Principle Coggs who’d opened the door. “Are you alright there?” she asked me, looking anxious. She didn’t know my name, though that didn’t surprise me. How many teachers would, I was so quiet. The most they knew me as was: Andrew Biersack, the boy who could not listen.

I just nodded, my eyes watering from the pain. Principle Coggs noticeably relaxed at the fact that I was ok, when she paused suddenly, frowning at me. “Hold on...” she said suddenly, “Why are you in the teacher’s corridor anyway?”

I gulped. “I...uh...um...” I began. Suddenly, I pushed past her and ran down the corridor, out of the exit. I assumed I was safe because she didn’t call or chase after me.
My nose was starting to hurt like crazy, and I made my way into the science block cubicles, before examining my face in one of the dirty cracked mirrors.

A thin stream of blood was slowly running from my nose and I swallowed thickly, trying not to cry. Reaching for a tissue, I leaned my head back and placed the paper thin sheet against my bloody nose, allowing it to soak up the blood. I heard the sound of somebody coming, and I quickly dashed into one of the cubicles, choking back a sob.

I’d only just slammed the door when I heard someone open the door to the toilets, whistling.
I held my breath as I heard the sound off a lighter being flicked on and off, and then a moment later, I smelt a sickly sweet smell and I gulped. Whoever was outside was smoking marijuana.
They seemed to do so for another five minutes, as I sat still as I could.
I tried to calm myself but a little cry escaped my lips and the person stopped whatever they were doing.

“Are you alright in there?” I heard them ask.

I jammed my fist in my mouth, trying not to whimper. I heard the person making a noise in the back of their throat, but they didn’t ask any more questions. The door slammed and I was alone again. And then I allowed myself to cry softly.

I hated being away from Matt- he seemed to have this way of making everything better. But now I’d run away from him, and probably made him mad at me.
I could be an over emotional stressy bitch, I knew that. Matt did too, but I made it hard for him a lot of the time- I knew that as well.

I knew a lot of things.

He didn’t deserve the way I treated him sometimes.

I blamed it on my hormones. Not only just the fact that I was sixteen, but the fact that I was in love with him. It hurt me that I couldn’t have the one person that I wanted more than anything else in the world, as he’d only ever see me as a best friend and nothing more, so I took it all out on him. All I wanted was for him to know how much I cared about him.

I hadn’t told Matt that I was gay yet. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Matt; it was just that I was terrified of how he would react. He might say that it was weird, or that we couldn’t be friends anymore or...

I just started crying even more.

Why would he not feel for me the way I felt for him?