Jumped

I didn’t go back to lessons. And Matt had driven me to school that morning, so I didn’t have a ride either. I left the school grounds early, so if I walked I’d be home at a relatively normal time.
It was raining, which didn’t help.

When I got home, my dad was there. I kicked off my shoes and padded into the living room in my socks, shaking my hair as I went like a dog would when trying to dry itself. My dad was sitting on the sofa with the laptop resting on his knees, his brow furrowed in concentration.
“Hey, Andrew,” he said, smiling when he saw me. My dad never called me “Andy”. He frowned at me sopping wet hair. “Oh dear, what happened?” he asked.

“Matt’s car broke down,” I lied, “I had to walk a bit of the way home.” He nodded, not really paying attention to me. I folded my arms behind my back, waiting for him to say something else to me. When he didn’t, I knew he was done with me, and so I turned around, when I heard a little mew beside me. It looked like Jub-Jub had come for a cuddle.

I’d got her when I was three. I’d loved her immediately when my parent’s had handed her too me, but no one had told me that I had to be gentle with kittens (she was only a baby then), and I’d began to stroke her roughly, pushing down hard on her head, because that’s what I thought you were meant to do. She’d attacked me immediately and ran away to find somewhere to hide in the house. Now, for some reason (do not ask me why), I’d called cats “jub-jubs” when I was little (I was a weird little boy), and I’d run after the poor kitten yelling “Jub-Jub! Jub-Jub! Cwum hwere Jub-Jub!” over and over again, which to me meant “Kittie! Kittie! Come here, Kittie!” whilst trying to catch her...And the name had stuck.
Matt had practically pissed himself laughing when I’d told him the story, much to my annoyance.

Now, Jub-Jub rubbed herself against the leg of my jeans, causing tabby orange fur to cling to the material. “Thanks, Jub...” I said, rolling my eyes and scooping her up.

“Why don’t you go and start your homework?” my dad asked, obviously hinting. His message was clear: “go and do something worthwhile with your time”. I nodded, hitching my bag over my shoulder and carrying Jub-Jub up the stairs to my bedroom.

My bedroom wasn’t very big- it was a little box room at the end of the landing. There was enough room in there for my bed, a wardrobe against one blue wall and a desk at the foot of my bed with a chair where a small TV and DVD player and a laptop sat. There was a little space for me to walk in-between, and covering that space was zebra print carpet.
The walls and the ceiling were Superman blue, and there was a window looking out over into our neighbours garden and the side of their house.

Some shelves cluttered the space above my bed, stuffed to the point of collapse with books and school revision guides that I never used. One the wall behind the wooden headboard of my bed was a massive Kiss poster, and beside it a Motley Crüe poster that my dad had tracked down for me.
On the top of my wardrobe were some board games that I used to play when I was younger, and Matt and I still sometimes fancied a game of Hungry Hippos every once in a while.

Perhaps the strangest thing about my room was all the stuffed toys that sat on the end of my bed, and my Batman action figures that stood on the windowsill. I was still a kid at heart, and would often go to sleep cuddling one of my toys. My favourite ones were a grey stuffed elephant, who I’d named Nikki, or my stuffed Scar toy from The Lion King.

I set Jub-Jub down, and she immediately went to jump onto my bed. I hung my bag up on the hook on the back off my door, getting my phone from the front pocket.
Sitting down on my bed, I placed it down on the bedside counter and reached for the book I was reading at the time; “We Need To Talk About Kevin”. It was very good so far.

Jub-Jub soon crawled onto my lap for some attention and I sighed, leaning over and switching on my phone. There was a message on there from Jake, the guitarist in my band about practice. There was nothing on there from Matt.

I was the lead singer in my garage band, Black Veil Brides. We weren’t very big right now, but like I’d had to “remind” Matt earlier, we had a gig coming up, and we planned on getting pretty huge.

I went down to dinner at six o’clock, eating for victory when I managed to devour three platefuls off my mom’s beef stew, six bread rolls and two servings of chocolate ice-cream. I always ate lots, but never seemed to put on weight. I used to be pretty chubby, but I soon lost all that weight, and now seemed incapable of putting any back on.

When I came back up to my room, I checked my phone, and saw I had a text from Matt.

Hey :-/
Hi
Can you get out?
Yeah, why?
Come meet me at the parking lot.
Be there in a few.

I got to my feet and grabbed my hoodie, pulling on my lace up boots. “Mom, I’m just going out to meet Matt,” I said, heading out the door.

“Ok, just text me when you’ll be back!” she called. My parents were pretty cool about letting me go to see Matt in the evening. As long as I came home by eleven, they were ok.

The streets were fairly cold now, and I had to put my hood up because drops of rain were still dripping from the trees. When I got to the parking lot, Matt was sitting against the crumbling wall, looking miserable.

“Hey,” I said, getting his attention. He made a face.

“Mom found out about my cigarettes,” he mumbled, “Took them away.” In the dull light of an overhead street lamp nearby, I could see a faint red imprint of Matt’s cheek, no doubt where his mom had “disciplined” him. I reached into my pocket, feeling around until I’d grasped my packet of cigarettes. I handed him one and lit it for him, before moving to sit next to him on the damp wall.

He inhaled from the cancer stick, a smile passing over his face. Then his expression changed and became serious. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I am too,” I said, “I was being bitchy and it was uncalled for. I should have come to you and said I was sorry first.”
He held up his right hand and spread his fingers.

“Best Friends Forever?” he asked.

“Best Friends Forever.” I repeated the hand action, and then pulled him into a hug, clinging to him tightly. He let go off me, and he looked pale, black bags under his eyes. “Are you ok?” I asked him.
He nodded.

“Yeah, I just feel a little tired right now...” he mumbled. I noticed he was shaking.

“Matt, what’s wrong?” I asked him. He shook his head.

“I’m alright,” he said, leaning back against the wall. “But...about what I said earlier...Would you like more friends?” I shrugged.

“I’ve got you, though,” I said, “And my band mates.”

“At school, I mean,” he replied, rubbing his temple and I frowned. “I really want you to start making friends, Andy, not just me,” he said, and I could see he’d been thinking about this. “I hate having to watch everyone tease you and laugh at you; I can see how much it bothers you- I sometimes wonder that if you had more friends, it wouldn’t hurt you so much.” I sighed.

“How can I get more friends?” I asked him. Everyone knew me as Andy Biersack, the faggy Emo kid who no one wanted to be friends with, with the exception of weirdo Matt Good. He frowned.

“Just be yourself. They’ll love you for it. Like I do.” I shook my head; he didn’t mean that the way I wanted him to. I wanted him to mean it as in “I’m IN love with you”, not like “Oh yeah, I love you like a brother, dude”.

“I do be myself...no one likes myself...” I whispered. His hand found mine and he gave it a squeeze.

“Maybe you should alter a little then?” he suggested. I gave him a questioning look and he backtracked. “Not completely,” he said hastily, “Just listen to the latest music everyone’s listening too; play whatever video game everyone’s talking about, that sort of thing. You know you would if it came down to it, so just...Try and make an effort.”

I opened my mouth to retort and then closed it again. Instead, I pulled him in for another hug. “I love you, Matty,” I said quietly. He hugged me tightly back, rocking slightly as I buried my face in his neck. My heart beat started to speed up; this kind of contact was new territory to us. I was so close to him, his warm skin burning into mine.

His skin was too warm...

“Ugh...” he moaned suddenly, “I don’t feel too good...” I tensed immediately, letting go off him reluctantly.

“What’s the matter?”
“My stomach really hurts...” he said, holding his belly and I frowned.

“Maybe you should go home?” I suggested.

“No...” he whined, “I haven’t spoken to you all day.” I pulled his arm, dragging him off the wall.

“Come on,” I said sternly. “You have to go home so you can be ok for school tomorrow.” It made me sound selfish, I knew. But I did care about him- it was because Matt was the only person I spoke too, also, that I needed him there.

“I’ll be fine,” he said, as I slid my arm under his to support him, walking him back to his house. I hugged him again when we got there. “Andy, I’ll be fine...” he whined.

“Are you sure?” I asked him worriedly and he nodded tiredly. I hugged him tighter, burying my face in his neck. I gently allowed my lips to press against his neck, just enough that my full lips could feel the feeling of his skin against them, but not enough that he wouldn’t notice.
He coughed violently, and I backed away from him, wrinkling my nose slightly.
“...S-sorry...” he choked out and I patted him lamely on the back.

“Its fine,” I said, “Go and rest. Do you want me to walk you to the door?” He shook his head. I bid him goodbye and walked home at an irritably slow pace.
“Mom, I’m home!” I called.

“So soon?” she demanded, coming out off the kitchen, “I thought you’d be gone for a least another three hours.”

“Matt didn’t feel well,” I shrugged, sitting down in front of the TV and flicking a switch. The news flashed up, talking about how some kids were getting involved in drug addictions and dumb shit like that. I changed it to another channel, where a cheesy romance was showing, and lay back on the sofa, staring at the white ceiling.

Was Matt right? Would I really change things about me to fit in with other people? Would I act like a different person to try and gain friends? Was I that shallow?
I sighed, blinking and continuing to gaze up at the ceiling. There was a spot on there, possibly a squashed bug. I focused on it for a long time, so long that it began to blur in and out of focus. I glanced over at the clock and saw that it read eleven. I got groggily to my feet and trudged up the stairs, pausing outside my room to grab my towel.

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, undressing whilst I waited for the water to warm up.
I hoped Matt was ok. Where would I be if he didn’t come to school tomorrow? No, he’d be fine. He always pulled through.
I stepped into the now hot shower, dunking my head beneath the water and wetting my hair.
Matt would be ok...He always was.