Don't You Ever Forget About Me.

"I'm sorry I've been acting so weird lately" Justin said after finally kissing me.
"No worries" I replied and smiled. But it was worries for me, I wanted him to say sorry. I wanted him to explain everything. My thought were driving me crazy, I would really want to buy a fucking switch and stitch it to my brain so I could turn on and off my feelings and thoughts. But I was in Justin's arms, I had his lips on mine. Why couldn't I be happy for this? Why did I have to complicate things and try to understand everything. I sighed and Justin looked worried at me.
"What's the matter?" He asked and leaned his forehead on mine.
"Nothing, it's just..." I shook my head and also shook his head and we both laughed lightly. "Sorry, but no it's nothing"
"You sure?" No, I know somethings wrong.
"Yeah, everything's fine" I said and smiled.
"I wanna ask you something" Justin said and kissed me again.
"And that is?" I asked and smiled after the short kiss.
"Will you be my girlfriend Nix?" I swear my heart stopped for a second. Finally, finally, finally he asked, that idiot asked. I laughed and nodded my head up and down fast.
"Yes, yes" I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. "I thought you'll never ask" I said and buried my head in his shirt and we just sat like that for a good minute smiling.
"We can tell the others tomorrow, tonight we'll celebrate. But for the others it will just be a regular party" He whispered in my ear and my smile got even bigger.
"Sounds good" I looked up at him and kissed his nose tip. He laughed and kissed my forehead. We got up and walked out of the dressing room. We walked our separate ways, him to the merch table and the crowds of fans, me to the tour bus where I sat and watched TV for a good two hours alone. I was starting to fall asleep right when everybody ran in the bus shouting and laughing. I shot up from the couch and sighed. Here starts the great party night, I guess I'll be the only sober one tonight and the only person who's gonna be alive tomorrow for our first day off. Can't wait.

The party went on like I suspected. Loud music from the tour bus speakers, beer and vodka pretty much everywhere. After an hour I got quite tired of it all. Somehow a bunch of people nobody on the tour knew where on the buses and the band party had gone into a big, crazy party with girls in minimal clothing and guys who dared another to take that shot over and over. It was all too much for me. I guess I never got used to it since I ignored it in high school as well.

I walked out Sleeping With Sirens bus and walked a few steps to sit on the sidewalk and light myself a cigarette. I really should stop but it's so hard when you're surrounded with smokers. I laughed to myself at my foolish attempt to stay clean for the rest of my life. I've been smoking since I was seventeen, who did I try to fool? My parents... At the thought of their disappointment when they first found out I smoked burned my eyes. I dropped the cigarette and crushed it under my left shoe. I wiped my cheeks even if no tears had came and probably wouldn't come anymore. I think my tears have dried out from my body, after crying for a whole month they were not showing up at the thought of my mom and dad. I shivered in the cold air in the early night. I started up i the sky. The more I looked more and more stars showed up. I smiled and closed my eyes. Sometimes bad things happen, sometimes horrible things happen but you gotta keep going. I was doing my best with those first hard steps now. It was working rather well actually. But I gotta keep going. Someday I'll see my mom and dad again. Cause one day it will be my turn. I've never been a really religious person but I don't think life ends in a big black nothing. You gotta show up somewhere right. It's one of the only things that keeps me going right now.
"I'll see you soon" I said and opened my eyes again. My smiled faded after a while and I started down at my trembling hands again. I bit my lip and looked back at the buses a few meters away from me. I noticed a figure standing leaned against We Came As Romans bus with smoke surrounding him. Andy. I got up on my legs and jumped a bit while walking closer to the bus to get some warmth back in my legs.
"Hey" I said and smiled weakly towards Andy who was smoking just like I had a while ago.
He ignored me and I sighed. "I'm sorry about that text. I didn't mean it like that" I kicked away a few rocks at the ground to give me an excuse to look down. Andy sighed and I looked up worried.
"It's alright" he said and then smiled towards me.
"Wanna take a walk?" I asked and he shrugged. He dropped him cigarette and crushed it under his shoe. He walked up next to me and we started walking down the street that was barely up lightened with some streetlights. I glanced up to his face, he didn't look happy, he just looked sad.
"Everything's not fine Andy, you're upset over something" I said and stopped. I looked at him where he had stopped a step in front of me. He didn't look up at me he just started at his feet.
"Andy" I said and and he looked up at me, the look on his face was the same as the look he had when I walked away with Justin.
"Everything's not fine, but I can't tell you why"
"Why not, I can tell you what I've been bothering with" I said, hoping that would possibly make him tell me what was the matter.
"I can't tell it, especially not to you" I frowned.
"Why?" I tried again. I hated to see him like this, he was a good friend by now.
"Because" He yelled. I stepped back scared at his sudden freak out. "Sorry" He murmured and dragged his hands over his face.
"No I'm sorry, if you don't want to tell me it's alright. It's just I don't want you to be sad... cause you're a really good friend Andy" I looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back but then frowned.
"It's not going to work" He then said and turned around frustrated. I walked around him so I faced him again.
"You don't have to be alone" I smiled and tried to meet his eyes. "You've got me"
He finally met my eyes but didn't smile. His eyes pierced mine and he didn't look away until I did. I've never been good at keeping eye contact, I just get nervous.
"I really like you Phoenix" Andy said and took my hand. I was surprised with the sudden hand holding.
"I really like you too Andy" I laughed and swung out hand back and forth.
"That's the thing" Andy replied and frowned. "Not the same way"
I stopped swinging our hand and stared at Andy. Was he insane?
But before I could realize the whole thing he kissed me. And I actually kissed back.