Don't You Ever Forget About Me.

Andy kissed me, he just kissed me. I stepped back when I realized what was happening. Fuck, fuck, fuck this is not good. I shook my head and covered my mouth with my hands.
"No... no no" was all I could say. Why could nothing go right for once. I covered my entire face to block out the sight of Andy standing in front of me.
"Phoenix..." Andy tried to say something more but nothing came out.
"Oh god, oh no this isn't good" I repeated to myself walking in tiny circles around the sidewalk.
"I'm sorry..." Andy said and started at his shoes. I stopped walking and stared at him.
"No, Andy it's... it's my fault I maybe should have told you I- I have a boyfriend" I said quietly. I'm not sure this will make anything better for him, or for me. Andy looked up, confused and shocked.
"Y-you have a boyfriend?" was all he said after a while. I just nodded my head. "Should have figured that one out" He said and leaned against the brick wall.
"What do you mean?" I asked. This was so strange, we had just kissed. I pretty much cheated on Justin three hours after he finally asked me to be his. But, I still was here. I wasn't in Justin's arms beggin' him to forgive me. I sighed and the exhale turned into white and gray smoke in front of my face. I leaned against the same brick wall as Andy was leaning against.
"So who is he?" I kept quiet. I wasn't sure I should tell Andy... but then again we were suppose to tell everybody tomorrow anyways.
"Justin" I said and stared at my shoes. I didn't want to ruin their friendship. Andy's eyes met mine.
"Justin?" I looked away from his judging eyes. "I knew you would be too good to be true" I didn't reply. It hurt that he said that. I sighed and turned away to wipe my cheeks even if they were dry like earlier tonight.
"I gotta go back to the bus" I murmured and started walking back up the street until I stepped back in the Sleeping With Sirens bus. I walked straight to my bus ignoring everybody. I needed some time to myself. I tried to see Justin somewhere but I couldn't see him, maybe he was on another bus. I pulled out my phone as fast as I had closed the curtain behind me. I tried to call Justin but he didn't pick up. I texted him that I needed to talk to him. I put my phone back on my pillow beside me and looked at the ceiling until the phone-display turned black and I was left alone in the dark. I shook my head letting everything sink in. Andy kissed me. When I finally thought I had found a friend I could keep for a while. You see I've never been good to keep my friends, after a few years they grow tired of me and find new friends who would actually do something and not lay around at home reading a book every Friday night. I closed my eyes and let myself travel back home to Florida. The only friend who had stuck around with me was Derrek. But I know the reason to that, he loved me. And I loved him. When the picture of Derrek showed up in my mind my heart cramped. After my parents death I had pushed everyone away. I had just stayed inside my house crying my eyes out. Derrek showed up everyday, he had a spare key. He made me dinner, forced me to eat something since I refused and was beginning to get even skinnier than I had been before. But I hadn't said anything to him during those two months. But he had told me he loved me everyday before he left at night. The last thing I said to him was probably "I love you too Derrek" after he had said he loved me at the graduation party the night of the accident. I couldn't feel the tears burn behind my eyes but I could certainly feel the pain in my chest. I had to talk to him again. I tore away the curtain again and walked out the bus again with my phone tightly held in my hand. I closed the door after me as I stepped out on the parking lot. I locked up my phone and stared at the display. I found Derrek's number in the phone book and pressed the little green phone and sighed while I brought the phone to my ear. I couldn't stand still while I waited. I started walking around the five tour busses while I tried to remember how he sounded again. It had been months since I talked to him and the guilt stuck like a bitch. Why hadn't I called him or texted him? He had taken care of me and I had just sat there and cried.
Finally I heard his voice again.
"Phoenix? Are you there?" He said and I froze in my steps. "Phoenix" he said after a few seconds. I realized I hadn't said anything.
"Hi" was all I could get out. The word came out raspy and I coughed to get my voice normal. I heard Derrek laugh happily and relieved. "I'm so happy to hear from you" I laughed and nodded my head even if he couldn't see anything.
"Yeah, about everything Derrek" I paused and walked straight on instead of turning by the last bus. "I'm so sorry"
"You shouldn't have to say sorry, I should have let you get some alone time as well" We both stayed quiet for a few seconds. I didn't know what to say for the first time I spoke to Derrek. "But I was so worried for you, cause..." he paused again and I took a deep breath, I could almost heard what he was about to say. "Cause I love you Phoenix" I exhaled shakily and Derrek did the same. I think he could read my mind even if we were states apart.
"But thing's change don't they?" he asked and I started straight ahead of me. I had reached the end of the parking lot.
"Yeah" I said after several seconds. I breathed heavily and wiped my still dry cheeks of a habit. We both stayed quiet, just taking in what was going on. Something had certainly changed the night we kissed, and I would never be the same carefree girl I was before. "I'm sorry" I said after minutes and closed my eyes. I didn't want to lose Derrek, he was my reason I was still here cause god know what I would have done this summer without him by my side. "I- I don't want to lose you Derrek" I said and my voice came out so fragile and weak if caught me off guard.
"You will never lose me Phoenix, no matter what you do" I smiled and wiped my cheek again. "I will always be around" he said and I laughed miserably.
"I don't deserve you Derrek" I said and smiled up to the stars. I could hear from the background sounds he also was outside.
"You do, you really do and you don't even understand" he said and I sighed.
"I- I have to go back now" I said and bit my lip until I felt a slight blood taste. I released it and kicked my foot against the concrete blocks that surrounded the entire parking lot.
"Talk to you soon then?" I nodded again even if he couldn't see it.
"Yeah, well... it was nice to talk to you again. Cause I miss you" I said and bit my lip again but stopped when it tasted blood again. I'm sure it would be a bit swelled in the morning.
"I miss you too, bye"
"Bye" I replied and then hung up. I exhaled and then fished up a new cigarette that I finished before I turned around to walk towards the busses again. I walked towards the SWS bus and looked up at the windows in the back lounge. The lights were on and you could see a couple making out. I shook my head. Was what up with everybody getting their hormones insane whenever they got drunk. I looked away disgusted until something in my head told me to look again. I glanced up at the two getting rather well touchy. I gasped and stepped back several steps until my back hit the other bus parked next to our bus. It wasn't just anybody making out, it was some girl I've never seen before... and Justin.