Don't You Ever Forget About Me.

I had trouble falling asleep for two months now. I've had trouble eating and for this last month I've been diagnosed sick by Andy and Kyle and both of them were really worried over me. I honestly had no clue how I got this way. But ever since I saw Justin, drunk of his head, screaming my name, falling to the ground, it was like my little peaceful world had collapsed under my feet. I hadn't walked outside for a month, only wasted time in front of the TV wrapped in several blankets holding a warm cup of coffee watching old movies with the boys or been asleep all day. I've also been feeling sick in different ways, I think I'm falling out of love with Andy... Whenever they are gone I spend my time crying my eyes out thanks to that fact. I want to love him, he's the perfect boyfriend. Comforts me whenever I'm sad, buys me my favorite food or flowers at least once a week and kisses and hugs me goodnight every single night, just to chase away the bad dreams he says. They are right now on tour in Europe. I've been doing bad ever since they left. Cried so much I think the tears must be gone soon. I've been thinking about calling up Kellin or Derrek to talk, but haven't got the energy or the heart to. I told them both I was gonna be fine last time I spoke to them, it was a long time ago. And to tell the truth, I definitely wasn't fine. I was a mess, a wreck, a lost little girl in the forest just wanting to find her way home but ends up getting eaten by a pack of wolfs at night.
I slowly closed my eyes and ignored the sounds of keys in the hallway until they actually stopped oddly close to our door. I opened my eyes slowly, waiting to hear them move away but instead heard them lock up the door. I sat up in bed, regretting that when my head started spinning around and around making me feel ill once again. But the voice that called my name calmed me down.
"Phoenix" Kellin's voice echoed through the cold and empty apartment.
"Yes" I answered weakly wrapping the duvet tighter around my sour and even colder body that had lost a lot of weight on these two months. Kellin made his way into the bedroom and sighed sadly at the sight of me. He sat down by my side and tucked away my unwashed hair from my pale and sweaty face.
"Dear god what had happened to you Nix?" he asked and bit his lip. It was like this all hurt him more than it hurt me.
"I'm just under the weather at the moment" I replied and tried to smile a bit. It's been a while.
"Come on, let's get you into the shower, you look like you're freezing cold" he said and took away the duvet and carried me to the bathroom.
"I can't Kellin, I don't have the..." I paused to hold back the vomit feeling for a second before getting back tot he sentence. "I'm to weak right now"
"Well good thing I've got assistance then" he said and called after someone. I knew who it would be probably, Sunny. Lou's girlfriend who's also become one of my close friends. And right I was. Sunny's smiling face appeared in the bathroom.
"Hi Phoenix" she insisted on calling me by my whole name since she loved how it sounded. I always laughed at how she basically was the only one calling me Phoenix instead of Nix.

It took me about half an hour to take a bath with help from Sunny. It felt kinda good to get away all the dirt and old feelings from my body. And I was thankful for Sunny who never mentioned how much weight I had lost, I hated how everybody always noticed that, and worse, commented on it like it was their problem. After I was dry and dressed in a pair of sweat pants, oddly lose around my hips and then a thin grey shirt with a simple bra under it. On my feet were a pair of think socks warming my still rather cold body. I sat down on the couch wrapping myself in a cozy blanket and placing my head on one of the very soft pillows I convinced Andy and Kyle to buy, and I was very happy I had succeeded with that now.

Sunny and Kellin stayed all night watching movies with me. Sometimes you have to look past all the horrible things going on to see you actually have a few people standing by your side holing your head up high. I snuggled into Kellin's shoulder when my eyes started to get heavier. I love my friends over anything, cause in the end, when your family is gone, when your lover is gone, who is there but your true friend.