Don't You Ever Forget About Me.

I woke up with my head leaning against the car window. It was early morning cause Kyle had drove all early night to Grand Rapids just for me, I still had to thank him more for this. Andy and I had, said our goodbye in a way I never believe I would have. I still can't believe it really. I wasn't a virgin anymore, is that enough to say? I have no idea what flew in the both of us, but, it just happend. I don't think I'm upset about it, it was like our last... moment together a suppose. Now when I think about it isn't it kinda odd with a soon twenty year old virgin in todays society? Yes, well... it's not odd anymore. Anyway I packed my bags after that, actually it kinda happend when I started packing my bags, just then we both got this urge to just, I have no words to explain but, what it done is done. It's around 6 am now, I sat up straight in the car seat and Kyle noticed I was awake.
"Hey" he said softly and smiled warmly towards me. I smiled back but I knew Kyle would fall for that fake smile, I didn't even try to look fine now. He knew of course, I think all of the guys know now. Kyle was indeed in disbelief, and so was probably Andy and I still. It just came so sudden, yet not for us two, we had felt this way a while, just to stubborn to care about this. "This relationship will work" we had both said to ourselves yet here I am, going back to my Aunt and cousin to live there again. I don't even want to think what will happen next, Kellin is gonna ask me about everything I will not know the answers.
"Yeah Kellin I think we broke up cause I still have this thing with Justin in my mind" No I can't say that cause that's not even true, partly... I think.

I pushed back all my thoughts and focused on the road, we would soon be in Grand Rapids, and soon where it all began, fuck. Then it hit me, I don't have any friends anymore... not many anyways. We Came As Romans would stand by Andy's side of course and also I would feel so guilty and horrible around them, knowing I had caused so much pain to their bassist. And Sleeping With Sirens, oh god. I haven't seen them since tour when... yeah tour, and I don't feel like again very soon. Sunny is gonna stay with Lou and Lou is gonna stand next to Andy obviously, duke and butt on their adventures. I bit my lip holding back the tears. I had been so happy these few months, now it's all washed away just like that. I wouldn't wake up to Andy's smiling face while he was playing with my dirt blonde hair, I would be able to cook him and Kyle breakfast when they had partied too much the night before or just make them cookies cause I felt like spoiling them when I finally had people to spoil again.

I had loved to bake and cook for my parents, while they were alive. I love to make people happy, I want them to smile and just, brighten up around me. It isn't going so well anymore, everything just seams so crash and burn and end. I would have to build it up all again and just to watch it fall, piece by piece in front of my eyes.

I looked back at Kyle who had been silent this whole time I was lost in my thoughts about how shit everything turned out somehow. I smiled towards him again and took in a new breath.
"I..." I didn't know what to say, I wanted to say something, something that would make it better. Kyle sighed and nodded, understanding I got of track with my words.
"I hate myself for this your know..." I said out instead, speaking my mind for once, not caring.
"Don't say that Nix" Kyle replied and I bit my lip again, I didn't want to cry.
"But it's true, I mess everything up, nothing goes right anymore... I just wanna, I just want to go back in time, make sure my family would still be here you know" I started rambling, tripping over my own words as the tears came, blurring my vision.
I felt Kyle's hand grab mine and press it.
"I know Nix, I know" he massaged my knuckles with his big thumb. His hand was so big holding my tiny petite hand. I giggled at the sight and Kyle looked down at our hands, also laughing at the difference.
"You're so tiny" he chuckled and I nodded my head still giggling like a little girl.
"Don't remind me please" I laughed and pushed away my bangs from my face then wiping away the tears beneath my eyes and on my cheeks.

Suddenly we were outside the Quinn house, making me sigh. Kellin walked towards the car from the main entrance. Kyle's hand disappeared and he got out of the car and so did I, grabbing my two bags from the trunk. I turned to Kyle as he just stood there, looking at me as if I would die soon.
"Thank you Kyle, thank you for just... you know everything" I said and walked into a big hug wrapping my arms around his torso and his arms draped around my shoulders as short as I am.

I stood next to Kellin as Kyle drove away and waved him off. "Come on Phoenix, let's get you to your room" Kellin said and wrapped his arms around me hugging me as well.