Don't You Ever Forget About Me.

Phoenix point of view.

I don't know what I was doing. Just when he kissed me I felt something again. I kissed back quickly and it went on for a while. But then it hit me, I couldn't do this. I pulled back and just stared into his eyes then leaned away from Justin. I covered my face and fought back the tears. I don't know when everything inside of me got this fragile. Every second I felt like I was walking on egg shells. I was so carefree a year ago, I was happy a year ago. Now here I was crying in my old boyfriends car after we had kissed again. I shook my head and forgot I wasn't alone for a few seconds. I started banging my fists against my forehead to get away from all the thoughts that were fucking everything up. A pair of strong hands took my wrists and pulled them away from my face, now with red eyes and streams of tears along the cheeks. I stared into Justin's face again, he looked so worried and scared.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it I just..." he trailed off and I shook my head harder. I wanted away, I didn't want to feel so hopeless as I do now. I hated this, I didn't have any controle, I couldn't understand and it was driving me insane.
"You wanted to and you did it it's nothing" I couldn't continue for a few seconds as I had to breathe. "It's nothing wrong with that, I'm the problem. I'm always the damn problem I'm sorry I'm so fucked up, I don't understand, I just want to understand what is happening, I want to be fine" I cried hared with each word I said faster and faster until it didn't make sense any more. Justin's hands let go of my wrists and arms that were shaking violently and wrapped his tattooed arms around my body. I buried my face into the shoulder of his soft black hoodie. I just needed someone to hold me right now and I didn't care if it was the boy who just made me break apart by kissing me.
"I'm sorry you feel this way Nix, I just want you to be happy because..." he stopped and sighed. Please don't say the L word, please Justin. "Because I love you so much" his words barely came out before I fell into his arms again and tried to forget about everything that was bothering me. I wanted to be in love with Justin, but then again I didn't.
"Can you drive me home please?" I asked and Justin understood, let go of me then started the car. I stared out the window for the whole ride back home. I knew that I couldn't be with Justin, it never felt that right to me and after he, he kissed that other girl I can't look at him the same. I don't hate him anymore, I just can't see him like that anymore, all I feel when I think about that night is horrible. I think back to Andy, my parents, Derrek and then Justin and the girl. It all hurts, too much. I know I'm being selfish, but how am I going to help others when I can't even help myself.

Justin's point of view.

I couldn't sleep all night, just waking up every few minutes until I crawlade out of bed and sat myself in the kitchen. The guilt for making Phoenix feel so horrible was eating me up, I couldn't deal with it. I glanced around the rectangular room then stood up and took out a glass and alcohol. I know it's not a good solution, but what is good now days?
After a few glasses I was feeling a bit tipsy, but it didn't matter.. I heard my phone ringing from the bedside-table and I slowly walked in to my bedroom and looked at the caller I.D. Kellin... I quickly picked up and sat down on the bed, facing the window. I hadn't noticed the sun was already partly up.
"Hey man" I said and rubbed my forehead, a small headache was starting already.
"Have you talked to Phoenix lately?" he asked and I could hear his panic.
"N-no why are you wondering?" Why did I lie, I should just say I had talked to her, say I forgot maybe..
"She's gone" I swear my heart stopped for a second, gone?