Don't You Ever Forget About Me.

I hated the feelings that twirled around in my stomach. I hated how they made me feel so weak and confused. Did I like Justin... more than a friend? I sighed as I threw my cigarette on the ground in front of me and stepped on it, crushing it with my black on black vans. Justin left a minute ago, I'm just waiting for him to come outside and step into his car. I wish Kellin would call or something, I wanna go home now. My head throbbed like I had drank a whole ton of alcohol but I hadn't, I hadn't done anything that Kellin told me not to do tonight. I only smoked ten cigarettes... I think it's best if I try to hide the smell so he doesn't go mental on me.
I stood up but then remembered Justin. I stood looked over the edge for two more minutes before I saw his figure walking with his hand in his pockets, god why did he have to be so cute? He reached his car but turned around and looked right up to me and made a small wave. I smiled and waved back and then he was gone. I sighed and walked down the stairs and walked trough the house looking after Kellin so we could go home.
It took me twenty minutes to find Kellin with Jesse.
"Kellin I wanna go home" I said to him and probably sounded like a little kid talking to their mom. Kellin said bye to Jesse and put his arm around my shoulders but after seeing him stumbled around to not trip over his feet I sighed and asked him to give me the car keys. He agreed that probably was the best decision. I wasn't much for a laughing mood right now so I just nodded and locked open the car and sat in the driver seat.
"Nix... you stink smoke" He sighed and I bit my jaws tight.
"So? You never said anything about cigarettes" I replied harsher than I was planning to. I should be happy right now, I've had a good night actually. Justin and Andy were good company. I think I could call Andy my friend now as well. But there was just this empty crumbling feeling in my gut.
"Well, no but I though you stopped smoking"
"Well not tonight, I needed to inhale some poison" I said and turned on the radio after I started the car and drove away from Jesse's house.
"Where even was you, I didn't see you"
"The roof" I said blankly and fought the urge to turn up the radio more so we could stop talking.
"Alone?"
"No, Justin and Andy Glass were there too"
"Oh" Kellin just said. He knew I didn't want to talk about this now since I turned up the radio even more.

When we got to our house again we drove into the garage and Kellin closed the garage door after us as I locked the car. We both walked into the house trough the door between the kitchen and the garage. I didn't say goodnight to Kellin I just walked straight up to my room and changed into a pair of sweat pants shorts and an over sized marine blue shirt and crawled in bed and fell asleep.

~Phoenix dream~
I stared up in the sky as the fireworks exploded and fell, shimmering, sparkling down in the massive river. I heard the party behind me get even wilder and wilder as every minute went by. People were crazy cause they finally had graduated, I was just happy to get out of school finally. I sat a bit outside the whole party smoking my cigarette. I didn't want to get drunk, not tonight at least. I stared at my feet since the fireworks had taken a break. I heard footsteps come closer to me and Derrek, my best friend sat down on the big rock beside me.
"Hey" He said and smiled.
"Hi" I said and brought my knees to my chest and hugged them tightly.
"Aren't you happy we're finally graduated?" He asked and bumped his shoulder into mine. I cracked a smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, it feels good as fuck but I don't know... there's just something that's not right"
"What is it then?" He asked and put his tattooed arm around my shoulders to comfort me. We were both nineteen and since the day he turned eighteen he had worked on his tattoo's, getting a new one each month. It had grown into a pretty good sleeve by now.
"That's the thing I don't understand" I sighed. "Can we change the subject please?" I asked and looked bleeding into Derrek's eyes.
"Sure... what the fuck happened between you and Katelyn?" Katelyn was my friend, but lately she had turned into a total bitch and tonight she had started talking shit about me, seriously right in front of me, so I punched her square in the face.
"I got tired of her bullshit, and I punched her in the face" I said and leaned my head on his shoulder. My head shook as he chuckled and he stroked my thumb with his. I smiled down to our hands. I had always had this feeling Derrek liked me more than a friend, and I hated to say it but I liked him more than a best friend as well.
"I don't ever want you to change Phoenix" He said and leaned his head on top of mine. I smiled and traced my index finger along his anchor tattoo on his middle finger. We had matching tattoos actually, both an anchor on the middle finger.
"I love you Phoenix" he whispered in my ear and his words send shivers down my spine. I wanted him to mean them.
"I love you too Derrek" I said and turned my head so I looked into his eyes. He smiled his adorable smile and it made my heart flutter. I bit my underlip and decided it was now or never. I stretched my head closer to Derrek's. My heart was pounding harshly against my chest and it felt like Derrek could hear it going crazy because of him. I think Derrek got my hint cause soon our lips touched lightly. We both smiled and then crashed our lips onto each others. He placed his palm on my cheek and deepened our kiss. I loved him. And he loved me. This was probably too good to be true.
Just then I heard my name being shouted out and we both ended the kiss, grinning like fools until I turned my head and saw my parents walking towards us.
"Shit" I murmured and jumped off the rock and walked towards them.
"Phoenix Adriane Quinn" My father yelled at me. The music hadn't stopped but it surely had gotten lower since everybody loved a good fight, even the parent verses kid fights.
My mom looked shocked and confused at me then dad then at Derrek behind me then back at me. I met her eyes and raised my eyebrows, what had I done wrong.
"You were not allowed to go here tonight, we told you that yet we find your bedroom window open. You scared us, anything could have happened" Dad said to me in normal tone but I could hear the rage and sorrow behind the words. I hated to hurt them, I wasn't suppose to be caught, I never wanted them to know.
"You're coming with us back home, now" Dad said and grabbed my arm and dragged me towards their car.
"But dad I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you I onl-" I tried to make this better but I gave up and stopped talking.
"We can talk about that later, now just get in the car" He said and I glanced back at Derrek who looked hurt as well, but he understood. He knew my over protective parents who didn't want their daughter to grow up.
I sat in the backseat and stared at my hands. I felt so guilty if felt like I would trow up. Dad started the car and started to drive and we were halfway over the bridge next to the camping place where the party had been when I just had to make them stop the car so I could puke. I got out of the car and leaned over the railing to trow up. I walked a bit away from the car to get some space. I rested my fore head against the cool raining and exhaled. I leaned over the railing again and spat out the last. I sighed and looked back at the car, then back at the party where I could hear the music again and the laughter. I sighed again and started walking towards the car. I stopped for a moment when I got blinded by a semi-trucks headlights. Who drives with full headlights on now?

It all happened so fast I couldn't understand first. I blinked and then all I heard was screaming metal, a trucks horn deafening my ears and then the screaming metal again as the railing of the bridge broke and the semi-truck and car diapered from the bridge. I heard screams and shouts everywhere around me. Several cars stopped around me. I didn't understand, why were they screaming? It took me seconds so understand.
"Mom, dad" I screamed at the top of my lungs sprinting the last steps to the massive hole in the railing was. I stared down into the river, I couldn't see anything. The river was several meters deep, everybody here knew that.
"Dad" I screamed again. Nothing. "Mom" I screamed and felt the tears streaming down from my eyes. Nothing. I didn't know what to do. I heard car doors open, and close, and open, and close. I wanted to jump in after them, I wanted to find them.
"Someone call 911" I heard a woman shout. There were voices everywhere around me. I tried to move but my body didn't respond. I suddenly felt a pair of arms around me, dragging me away from my parents. But I recognized the voice. It was Derrek, my loved Derrek. Then I heard the police cars, the ambulance I heard as well. Everybody was here, weren't they?
The last thing I remembered was me looking at Derrek explaining something to the police while I had an blanket around me.
~End of dream~

I woke up screaming, my entire body covered in sweat and my eyes burned with tears.