Z

Anger was pulsing through my veins, keeping me on edge. I clenched and unclenched my fists as I tried to stay level-headed about the whole situation. Hell, who was I kidding? There are walkers in the barn, and who knew how many there was; as they waited for something to give before they would all come stumbling out of the barn and eat us. I wasn’t going to let that happen. No chance in hell.

I stood up from my place beside the campfire and started to pace. How could we have not known that there were walkers in the barn? We have been living a few yards away from it for months! The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

In the distance, I saw Rick and Hershel coming out of the woods, handling a walker and wrangling it towards camp. The sight of it made me snap, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I stomped over to the RV and grabbed our guns, handing them out on the way towards the barn.

I quickly looked back at Rick to see him looking at me. “Shane, no!”

Ignoring him, I walked to the barn aware that some more people were trailing behind me, anxious to see what was going to happen. Rick and Hershel were too preoccupied to stop me, and I lifted up the axe that I picked up on my way over, and swung it down on the chain keeping the walkers inside.

I stumbled back as the doors slowly opened and readied my gun. It was us or them, and if I had anything to say, it was never going to be us.





Rose and I were standing in a field not too far from the farm, looking for flowers to liven up the place; to make it feel more like home.

"This is silly," Rose said, picking a few flowers, "But it's better than doing chores," she sighed as she stood up, "These will look nice, in our tent."

"And maybe they'll make the tent smell a little better too," I spot some more flowers a few feet ahead. "Chores aren't so bad. They make this situation a little more... normal."

"I don't like people being over my shoulder constantly about what I'm doing or not doing. It's not like I'm just sitting on my ass."

"I agree. Its literally a free country now. If we want to take a break from chores someone else could easily do, than I say its okay." I bent down and picked up a stray red wildflower. "This is really pretty, something my mom would have liked." I smile sadly at the memories, but shake my head before I could think on them too long.

Rose shot me a small understanding smile as she reached out to pat me on the back for a moment before picking a couple daisies, "What's your favorite flower?"

I pointed to the flowers in her hand, and she handed them to me and I brought them to my nose to smell them. "I've always liked daisies," I smiled, glad for the diversion. "Oh, and baby's breath, too. What about yours?"

"Roses," she laughed lightly, "My mom liked them too."

"She liked them a lot, I see." I laughed and pulled one of the flowers out of my poorly assembled bouquet and stuck it in my hair behind my ear. "This is nice," I gestured around to the open space around us. "Almost like there isn't zombies running around."

Rose smiled, "Almost like we're worlds away," she looked back towards the house and barn, squinting against the sun, "Wonder what's going to happen with...you know, the walkers," Rose looked back to me, "Why would Hershel keep them?"

"I'm not sure," I put my focus into picking more flowers. I thought back to when my family turned, and I couldn’t kill them. "Maybe he's delusional about this whole thing."

She crouched down in a patch of clovers, picking a few and discarding each, "I wonder if I can..." Rose paused, grinning and pulling a four leaf clover, "Oh my god! I got one! Look, Bee. Good luck is coming our way."

"Don't lose it, Rose, we need all the luck we can get!" I squeeze her hand excitedly. "Maybe now you should start sweet talking Daryl."

"I'll put it some place safe," she said, tucking the little green leaf behind her ear, "Maybe," she turned to me with a wink.

I was about to tease her when a loud gunshot echoed from the farm. It was followed by several more. I looked quickly to Rose with a worried look on my face before she dropped her flowers and took off running back towards the house. I mimicked her actions and ran like my life depended on it.

I found everyone standing at the barn, guns in hand and aiming at the walkers stumbling out of it. I was frozen in shock and all I could do was helplessly watch as the walkers fell to the ground as soon as they came out of the barn.

It was a moment or two of quiet, everyone’s heavy breaths lingered in the air while they tried to calm themselves; when our worst fear was brought to life. A little girl, about nine or ten walked out of the barn, her short shoulder length hair was tangled and messy as were her clothes, which were covered in dirt and blood. A scream erupted from behind me, and it was then I knew that was Sophia.

I brought my hand to my mouth as tears swelled in my eyes.

“I’m home,” I called out, but when I was met with silence, I figured that Tyler and Brian were sleeping. Setting my things down on the table beside the door, I walked into the kitchen to make myself a glass of tea when I noticed the back door was wide open.

I couldn’t see anything in the backyard, and closed the door and made sure it was locked before I got my cup of tea out of the microwave. But the tea was long forgotten when I noticed the blood everywhere. It was smeared on the floor and the walls, and there was a trail leading out of the kitchen.

My heart was beating so fast and loud that it was hard to think. I knew it wasn’t the best idea to go look, but my son could need my help and I’d be damned if I left him alone because I was scared. Cautiously, I followed the blood trail down the hall into my bedroom and had to cover my mouth to keep from screaming and alerting whatever was on our floor.

A body was sprawled out, but it was difficult to identify who it was. I’ve seen too many movies to know what was happening, but this couldn’t be real. It was just fiction, just for entertainment…

But then, the littlest one crouched over the dead man raised his head and I couldn’t handle it any longer. Tyler sniffed the air before turning his attention to me. I then noticed it was my husband that he was gnawing on. He pulled himself up and stumbled towards me, his arms outreached to me like he wanted me.

A gunshot pulled me from my thoughts, and I blinked to see that Rick was the one to shoot the little girl. An arm wrapped around my shoulders and brought me into them in a hug. I recognized it to be Rose, and I embraced the hug, hiding my face in her hair.

“Bee?”

I looked up to see Shane standing before us, a worried expression masking his features, but I couldn’t handle the pity right now. I turned from Rose and Shane and walked away from the barn, leaving to be with my own thoughts.

“Just give her time,” I hear Rose mutter, but I didn’t bother stopping when I heard Shane’s stomps behind me.

“Beth! Wait, please,” His hands grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him, and I tripped over my feet. He held me securely to his chest, but I didn’t have the energy to fight him off. “Talk to me,”

“I-I can’t, I don’t know what’s going on, I can’t think straight,”

He shh’d me, running his fingers through my hair. “It’s alright, I kept us safe, and I fixed this.”

I pushed against his chest to cause some distance between us. “You did this?” I looked behind him to see Daryl holding Carol tightly while she sobbed, Hershel and his daughters were also on the ground crying. “You caused this?” I motioned to them with my hand.

“I opened the barn, and I killed those walkers before they could cause you any harm - could cause harm to any of us."

“You had no right!” I couldn’t tell why I was suddenly angry, but I couldn’t control it. “That was not your decision to make, Shane. This isn’t your farm, it’s Hershel’s.”

“I did what needed to be done to make this group safe. No one else was going to do a damn thing about it, and it needed to be done. I’m sorry if I upset you, it was never my intention.”

I started to hiccup as more tears fell down my cheeks, but I shook my head. I knew he was doing what he thought was best. I realized now that he was doing what needed to be done. Rick would have never done what it took to be the leader; what it took to keep us safe. I knew Shane have the group’s best intentions in mind.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, hanging my head while I cried some more. Emotions I’ve pushed down the past few years were hitting me full force and I didn’t know how to handle them. I let Shane pull me back into him, and he held me until I was calmed down enough not to do anything irrational.

“Shane?” I muttered because my throat was sore from crying. I knew my eyes were swollen and my face was blotchy and red, but I didn’t care. “Can I stay with you tonight?” I probably sounded pathetic, but I didn’t care. I needed him.

“Of course,”



Later that night – after supper was over and I had my nightly chat with Rose to tell her that I was going to stay with Shane – I walked into the tent we shared to change into my pajamas. I grabbed the pillow off of my cot and started my way towards Shane’s new tent.

A wave of nerves hit me, and butterflies started swarming around in my stomach. I caught sight of Daryl and Rose sitting beneath the large tree near the RV and smiled. It looked like they were getting alone, and I was happy for her. Everyone was minding their own business for one tonight; everyone was still on edge from earlier.

I walked into Shane’s tent to see him lying on his back, shirtless. My breath hitched in my throat, causing him to open his eyes and look at me. “Hey,”

“Hi,” I muttered back lamely, walking the rest of the way in. He scooted more towards the edge of his cot and patted the extra space he made for beckon me over. Timidly, I walked over and crawled into the space he made and he wrapped his arm around me to keep me secure and warm. I nestled into his side and laid my head on his chest. The only sounds between us were our breathing.

“You remember the other day, when you said you feel like a monster?” I whispered, and I feared he didn’t hear me. After a couple minutes, he responded.

“Yeah,”

“I know that feeling,” I started drawing invisible designs on his chest with my finger. “Before I found Rose, I was trapped in a drug store downtown with a kid who couldn’t have been more than eighteen. We were going back a forth on who was going to raid it, when his partner gotten eaten outside. The walkers were closing in on the store; there was nowhere to run without running into one of them.

I found the escape ladder that led to the roof, but I knew that the both of us wouldn’t be able to make it alive, so I shot him. I could have shot him in the head, so he wouldn’t have to go through that pain, but I didn’t. I shot him in the leg, and then I ran. I left him there to die so that I could get away.”

I felt Shane shift around so that I was face-to-chest with him. I looked up to find that he was looking at me, his eyebrows furrowed over his eyes and his lips turned into a frown. “You did what you had to do,” He whispered.

“I just… feel so terrible about it. I was unnecessarily cruel.”

“Listen to me when I say this: there is nothing cruel about you. You have been helpful and kind to everyone here, and especially me. Before you came along, everyone looked at me like I was a piece of shit, and maybe I was, but I’m only doing what I know is necessary to keep everyone here safe. I’d die for this group!”

I placed my hand on his cheek, rubbing it soothingly to help calm him. He closed his eyes and took a couple deep breaths before he opened his eyes again.

“Ever since I was a little boy, all I wanted to do was to protect people. I wanted to make sure that no one had to go through the hell I did when I was little. My mom was abusive; she drank heavily and hurt my dad to the point where he left us. And I swore I’d never let anything like that happen to anyone if I could help it. I’ll be damned if Rick thinks he’ll keep this group safe by trying to keep everyone happy. I’ve come to terms that someone is going to hate me, but if it keeps them alive, I don’t rightfully care.”

“I support you, Shane. I believe you when you say you want to keep everyone alive, and no matter who disagrees with you, I’ll always be right here by your side.”

He wrapped his arms around me tighter, and leaned down to place a chapped kiss to my temple. The roughness of his lips caused goosebumps and a shiver ran down my spine. I knew he was looking out of us, and I believed he was a better leader than Rick. I kissed every inch of his chest that I could reach from my position before I snuggled into his side and closed my eyes; feeling the safest I’ve ever felt in my life.