Because I Want You
Chapter 1
I sat there staring at the blank wall in front of me, the breakfast I had prepared just sitting on my plate untouched. I try to force myself to eat it. I pick up the now ice cold waffle and bite down on it. It's so hard I nearly broke a tooth. I give up and throw it back down on my plate. I sigh and look over at the clock on the wall. I've been sitting here for over an hour. I finally get up and discard the waffle before heading back to my room.
When I enter my room I close the door behind me, then crawl onto my bed. As I lay there, I think about him. I don't want to but I do it anyway. I miss him. I miss everything about him. He's changed so much. I miss the old Stefan. The one that didn't come home drunk at 3 am. The one that would spend all day with me and never leave my side. He used to make me feel safe and loved. But now I barely see him. And when I do, he's so wasted that I can't even have a decent conversation with him. I 'm worried his new behavior might interfere with the band. I feel a warm wet trail of tears run down my cheeks. I hadn't even realized I was crying until now. I continue to cry silently until my eyelids become so heavy I cant keep them open.
I wake up to a loud slam coming from another room. I rub my eyes and glance at the digital clock that's on the table next to my bed. It's 11 am. I had slept for almost 3 hours, which is good because I didn't get any sleep last night. I hear footsteps outside my door. Then door opens and Stefan is standing in the doorway. I stare at him from my spot on the bed as I hug my knees tightly to my chest. He stares back at me. It seemed like hours before he came over to the bed and sat down next to me. He's sitting so close I can smell him, the scent of alcohol burning my nose. I knew he was out drinking again. He never came home last night. He promised he would. But he didn't.
I turned my head slightly and looked at him. He grinned at me. I quickly turned my head the other way. I felt him run his fingers through my shoulder length black hair. I wanted to pull away from him, but at the same time I didn't. I had really missed this. So I took whatever chance I got to be near him. Even if he was drunk. Stefan got closer, I could feel his hot breath on my neck. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek. I couldn't let this go any further. No matter how much I wanted to. He was too drunk. I couldn't let him do this to me. He used to tell me he loved me. Now I was nothing but a quick fuck to him.
I pushed his arm off of me and slid to the other side of the bed, putting a large amount of space between us. I looked over and glared at him, hugging my knees even tighter to me. He looked confused. “What's wrong love?” I just kept glaring at him. He moved towards me. I moved all the way to the edge of the bed, almost falling over the edge. He moved towards me again. I got off of the bed and backed up against the wall. “What's wrong? Tell me.” I refused to answer him.
Stefan was starting to get pissed off. I could tell. The last thing I wanted to do was get him angry when he's drunk. He stared at me angrily, and I stared back. I finally stopped staring, looking down at the floor instead. My hair hung over my face like a curtain. “You said you'd come home.” I said, looking at him through my hair. “I did.” he said. “I'm here now aren't I?” I suddenly became very pissed and clenched my hands into fists. “That's not the point!” I shouted angrily. “You promised you would be home early that night, not in the morning!” I was looking at him completely now, my hair out of my face.
“It's not my fault I'd rather be out drinking than home with you.” My eyes widened when he said that, and it took everything I had not to break down and cry. I just shut my eyes tight and shook my head. “What happened to you Stefan? What happened to us?” He glared at me. “There never was an us.” he said standing up. “It was always about you!” “ How could you say that?” I asked. “I loved you Stefan! I still do!” what the hell is wrong with me? Why did I just tell him that? His face softened for a minute. Then he glared again. “Well I never loved you.” he said. “I only fucked you out of boredom. I felt sorry for you Brian.” I couldn't take it anymore. I let the tears pour down my face.
“Go to hell!” I yelled. “I never want to see you again!” I opened the door and ran. I ran through the rooms to the front of the house, out the door, and then down the block. I had no idea where I was going. All I knew was I wanted to get far away from Stefan.
When I enter my room I close the door behind me, then crawl onto my bed. As I lay there, I think about him. I don't want to but I do it anyway. I miss him. I miss everything about him. He's changed so much. I miss the old Stefan. The one that didn't come home drunk at 3 am. The one that would spend all day with me and never leave my side. He used to make me feel safe and loved. But now I barely see him. And when I do, he's so wasted that I can't even have a decent conversation with him. I 'm worried his new behavior might interfere with the band. I feel a warm wet trail of tears run down my cheeks. I hadn't even realized I was crying until now. I continue to cry silently until my eyelids become so heavy I cant keep them open.
I wake up to a loud slam coming from another room. I rub my eyes and glance at the digital clock that's on the table next to my bed. It's 11 am. I had slept for almost 3 hours, which is good because I didn't get any sleep last night. I hear footsteps outside my door. Then door opens and Stefan is standing in the doorway. I stare at him from my spot on the bed as I hug my knees tightly to my chest. He stares back at me. It seemed like hours before he came over to the bed and sat down next to me. He's sitting so close I can smell him, the scent of alcohol burning my nose. I knew he was out drinking again. He never came home last night. He promised he would. But he didn't.
I turned my head slightly and looked at him. He grinned at me. I quickly turned my head the other way. I felt him run his fingers through my shoulder length black hair. I wanted to pull away from him, but at the same time I didn't. I had really missed this. So I took whatever chance I got to be near him. Even if he was drunk. Stefan got closer, I could feel his hot breath on my neck. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek. I couldn't let this go any further. No matter how much I wanted to. He was too drunk. I couldn't let him do this to me. He used to tell me he loved me. Now I was nothing but a quick fuck to him.
I pushed his arm off of me and slid to the other side of the bed, putting a large amount of space between us. I looked over and glared at him, hugging my knees even tighter to me. He looked confused. “What's wrong love?” I just kept glaring at him. He moved towards me. I moved all the way to the edge of the bed, almost falling over the edge. He moved towards me again. I got off of the bed and backed up against the wall. “What's wrong? Tell me.” I refused to answer him.
Stefan was starting to get pissed off. I could tell. The last thing I wanted to do was get him angry when he's drunk. He stared at me angrily, and I stared back. I finally stopped staring, looking down at the floor instead. My hair hung over my face like a curtain. “You said you'd come home.” I said, looking at him through my hair. “I did.” he said. “I'm here now aren't I?” I suddenly became very pissed and clenched my hands into fists. “That's not the point!” I shouted angrily. “You promised you would be home early that night, not in the morning!” I was looking at him completely now, my hair out of my face.
“It's not my fault I'd rather be out drinking than home with you.” My eyes widened when he said that, and it took everything I had not to break down and cry. I just shut my eyes tight and shook my head. “What happened to you Stefan? What happened to us?” He glared at me. “There never was an us.” he said standing up. “It was always about you!” “ How could you say that?” I asked. “I loved you Stefan! I still do!” what the hell is wrong with me? Why did I just tell him that? His face softened for a minute. Then he glared again. “Well I never loved you.” he said. “I only fucked you out of boredom. I felt sorry for you Brian.” I couldn't take it anymore. I let the tears pour down my face.
“Go to hell!” I yelled. “I never want to see you again!” I opened the door and ran. I ran through the rooms to the front of the house, out the door, and then down the block. I had no idea where I was going. All I knew was I wanted to get far away from Stefan.