Fall Away

Thanks to the remarkably advanced medical technology available in the Capitol, it took less than two hours before the burns on my legs were reduced to nothing more than painless shiny pink marks across my skin. I was assured that they would disappear completely before the next morning, leaving no trace of a scar, and though that was the least of my concerns, it was at least nice to know that I could at least put the burns out of my head.
"Winnie! Get out of the way, she's from my District!" Adri snapped, pushing past a gruff-looking security guard who was blocking the entrance to the hospital wing.
I felt a slight pang, realizing he hadn't thought that it was more important to mention that he was my husband, and quickly closed my eyes, deciding to feign sleep.
"Winnie? Are you okay?" he asked, voice quiet. I could hear him panting for breath, like he'd run all the way down, but I knew better. After all, I'd been here for two hours -- if he was really in a rush to get here, he would have been here from the beginning.
I threw in a fake snore, trying to get him to leave me alone as fast as possible. I wished Finnick were here. He'd left to grab me some dinner, and I wanted Adri gone before he got back. I didn't need to cause yet another scene between the two of them.
"Oh, please, Winnie, you're the worst actress. I know you're awake," he said, carefully flipping the sheet off my body to get a look at my legs.
I jerked out of my fake sleep, snatching the sheet out of his hand and pulling it back over myself to hide the fact that the nurses had taken off my pants to better treat my legs. "I'm kind of half-naked, if you hadn't noticed."
"You're wearing underwear," Adri pointed out, shrugging in what looked like a pathetic attempt at an unspoken apology. "Besides, I wanted to see how you were. The burns look practically gone, so you'll be fine."
Rage bubbled inside me at his matter-of-fact tone. "Thanks for the status update. No concern for your wife, then?"
"I came down to see if you were okay!" Adri protested.
"Yeah, but only after finishing up the rest of training."
"I had to stay there! The more training I miss, the more vulnerable we'll both be when we get in that arena. Besides, I'm missing dinner to be here."
I sighed, feeling the stress and exhaustion overwhelm me as I blinked back tears of frustration. "Then go eat. Please."
"Winnie..." Adri began, an edge to his voice.
"No, just go. I'm tired and I'm hungry and I've had a long day and the last thing I need is you telling me that my being in the hospital is too burdensome for you."
"That's not what I said!"
"Leave," I repeated, jaw tightening.
Adri sighed, pressing his lips into a line. "At least let me bring you some food."
"Don't bother, Finnick's already bringing me dinner," I said coldly, emphasizing his name. It was childish, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to see him hurt, to see how he liked being pushed aside the way he was doing to me with Cashmere. I regretted it as soon as the words left my lips, but I didn't back down. I couldn't afford to -- not now.
Adri froze for a moment, and in that moment I saw the same boy I fell in love with in the Arena; lonely, confused, afraid of losing the few people he loved. But then he regained his composure, straightened his back, and cleared any expression off his face. "Is he, now?"
"Yeah. I mean, I'd have thought that's something a husband should do, but apparently not."
Adri's eyes tightened. "Well, maybe I'm getting tired of being your husband," he said, before turning and walking away without another word.
I settled back into my pillows, pulling the sheet up over my face and sucking in deep breaths as I tried not to cry. I couldn't -- not here, not with Snow's eyes and ears all around me. I tried to remember happy things, calling back memories from times when I was happy. I remembered District 4's beautiful blue ocean, the sand as white as sugar and soft as flour. I wondered how my life would be if I hadn't turned my back at that very moment in the Arena, if I'd never been stabbed by Ingrid. Maybe I still could have gotten out. Maybe I'd be happily married, maybe to Finnick. Maybe we'd live in the extravagant Victor's Village together, waking up every morning to the smell of the ocean and the sound of birds. Maybe we'd already be starting a family together, maybe right now we could have been curled up on a couch as he rubbed my pregnant belly and kissed my cheek. My heart ached for that life -- a life I knew I could never have with Adri now, that much was certain.
"Hey, are you okay?" Finnick said softly, and I felt his hand reach under the sheet to rub my shoulder gently.
I pulled the covers off myself and reached up, wrapping my arms around him and holding him as tight as I could, afraid that maybe he, too, would leave, just like Adri.
"Shh, shh," he whispered, and it was then that I realized that, despite trying my best, tears were leaking down my face.
"I'm so sorry," I said.
"Don't be, cry all you need."
"That's not what I mean," I said, leaning back to look him in the eye.
A look of confusion ran across his beautiful face. "What..."
"I'm sorry I couldn't be with you. I'm sorry I didn't see then what I do now. I'm sorry I didn't want to admit that I loved you, and I'm sorry it's still so hard for me to tell you that I still do. I'm sorry that--"
Finnick cut me off, lips crashing into mine as his fingers knotted in my hair, pulling me to him. I froze, unable to process everything that had happened in the previous twenty minutes, much less his lips on mine, warm and soft and strong, but he kept kissing me until the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy.
After a long moment, he pulled away, lowering his lips to my ear. "Don't apologize, love. It's just nice to finally hear that."
I took a shaky breath, resting my head on his shoulder and trying to focus on taking slow, even breaths. Because as much as it was true that I loved Finnick, I still didn't know if I could cut out the part of my heart that had always belonged to Adri, even now.