Fall Away

Breakfast the next morning was a somber affair. Now that I'd had time to process everything that had happened and I didn't have a system full of alcohol, it was hard to avoid the pain that swallowed me up. Finnick seemed to sense how I was feeling; I noticed him watching me from across the table as I ate. Though I could feel his eyes on me, I never looked up from my plate, continuing to pretend as if I hadn't noticed his gaze. I waited instead for him to say something, but he didn't. I wondered if he just wasn't sure what to say -- I'd hardly be surprised. Still, it was unnerving; he'd never been so quiet for so long, and while part of me appreciated the fact that he wasn't badgering me with questions or expecting me to hold a conversation, the other part of me wished he would talk just to distract me.
The silence was broken when Rafa walked in, a mysterious-looking folder tucked under his arm. He eyed Finnick warily as he spoke. "Winnie, may I speak to you for a moment? Alone?"
I blinked a few times, confused, and nodded at him through a mouthful of dry toast. I hadn't been that hungry anyway -- if it weren't for the fact that I knew this would be my last real meal, I wouldn't have eaten anything at all.
Rafa walked into the living room and I followed suit, cogs turning thickly in my brain as I tried to figure out what this was about. He sat down on the sofa and motioned for me to do the same as he opened the folder, pulling out a newspaper and dropping it on the coffee table in front of me.
"All the headlines in every newspaper throughout the Capitol are about your divorce," Rafa said matter-of-factly. "Congratulations on making every single front page. You even managed to bump the tributes from 12 with the pregnancy scandal out of the limelight."
I grabbed the newspaper from the table, eyes wide, and skimmed through the first page. "But...that's not possible," I whispered. How could Snow have done this? It had only been twelve hours -- how could every single newspaper in the Capitol have an entire article written up about this? It had only been last night that Adri and I had gone on television and announced that our marriage was struggling.
"It's very possible. The proof is right there in your hands," Rafa said with a sigh, sounding frustrated.
"I didn't...I had nothing to do with this. I didn't get that divorce! I mean, I am divorced, but it's not...I didn't do it," I stammered, babbling incessantly, like if I could find the right words, I could undo all of this.
"Well, either way, it happened, and now everyone in Panem knows about it. Not to mention, everyone who turns on their television will see dozens of talk shows discussing your relationship with Finnick and how big of a factor that was in your divorce, so both of District 4's tributes are going down with this one," Rafa muttered, rubbing at his forehead like he was fighting off a headache.
I opened my mouth, fully intending to apologize, but instead, different words came out of their own accord. "Look, Rafa, you know damn well I didn't do this. Not the divorce, not what Adri said on television last night, not the public getting Finnick involved, and definitely not the news finding out about this story. I know you want to be mad at me, but I am dealing with so much other crap right now that I don't have time to sit here and take the blame for something I can't undo. I wish none of this had happened, and I especially wish Finnick hadn't been dragged into this with me. But begging for your forgiveness and trying to make you feel better isn't something I have time for, so either tell me how I can fix this for Finnick or get out."
Rafa blinked a few times, shock evident on his face, before giving me a weak smile. "There's that spark. Was starting to wonder if you even still had it in you," he said softly.
I cleared my throat and straightened up, suddenly feeling all the more empowered just for having stood up to Rafa. "Now, do you or don't you have some strategy to get Finnick out of this mess?"
Rafa's smile vanished, fading back into a frown. "Look, as much as I admire the whole 'standing up for your friends' thing, you've gotta cut that out. You're not going to make it out of that arena alive that way."
I scoffed. "I'm not going to make it out alive at all. The least I can do is help the ones I love get a better shot and winning."
"Oh, no. Listen, I like Finnick. Honestly, I do. But please, you deserve so much better than to sacrifice yourself for him." Rafa picked up the folder again and pulled out a stash of photos -- all of Finnick posing with different women at various Capitol events. Though they were all vastly different, they all seemed to share the same basic features -- tall, slim, curvaceous, and drop-dead gorgeous.
"What are you trying to say?" I muttered, not liking where this was going.
"Finnick...he's dangerous. Very dangerous. I know it's hard to think of him like that, after all the time you've spent with him, but I need you to think about this logically. You and Finnick part two years ago on a sour note, but as soon as he finds out you two are going back into the arena together, he's suddenly head-over-heels with you again?" I opened my mouth to ask how he knew about everything that had happened two years ago, but Rafa cut me off with a dismissive wave. "Yeah, yeah, I know all about that, I've got my ways. But don't you think it's a little strange? He's got a reputation for this kind of thing -- using his looks to get what he wants. You're not the first girl he's used to get something. All these women here have gotten him one thing or another -- money, fame, connections."
"He's my friend. I trust him," I said stubbornly. I'd already lost Adri, I couldn't stand to lose Finnick, too -- not when he was the only other person I had here.
Rafa sighed. "Just...think about it. Has he said anything at all to try and get you off your guard during the Games? Offered to protect you, to sacrifice himself for you? Anything like that?"
I frowned, remembering Finnick's promise. He'd assured me that he could get me and Adri out of the arena if we gave up our career alliance and stayed with him. Had that really been a lie? "I...I don't know," I lied.
"You're an awful liar. I'm not going to ask what he told you, but promise me you'll think twice before you blindly follow his lead. You're a smart girl, you know when something sounds too good to be true." Rafa took my hand in his and pressed a light kiss to it. "Good luck. It's been lovely meeting you."
And with that, he stood and left the room. Quite possibly the last time I'd ever see him, and he'd given me so much to think about. At least he'd done me one favour; now, my divorce was the farthest thing from my mind.
-x-
Immediately after breakfast, I was shuttled to the arena underground. I got the same standard tracking device injected into my arm -- a process which was just as painful as the first time, I noted bitterly -- and then I was dropped off in a private dressing room with Shalim. He was silent as he worked, fitting me into my gear with deft hands. The fabric felt light, but still somehow impermeable. I tried to figure out what that meant. Someplace hot? If the suit was waterproof, maybe that meant rain, so perhaps a stormy rainforest? Some tropical zone in the midst of monsoon season? At least that meant getting water would be easy.
Just as Shalim had finished adjusting my clothes, he moved in front of me, eyes locking onto mine with a deadly-serious look on his face. "Miss Nova," he said softly.
"Shalim, don't tell me you're going to get all sappy on me?" I teased.
He ignored me, reaching forward to place his hands on my shoulders, squeezing them affectionately. "You're stubborn and uncoordinated and difficult as hell to dress. But do you know something? You're my favourite tribute that I've ever worked with."
"I bet you say that to all the girls," I said, trying again to joke around to lighten the mood, but even I heard the somber note to my voice.
"You've got character, and loyalty, and deadly sharp intellect. I don't know what weaponry skills the other tributes may possess, but you can beat them if you just trust yourself. That much I know for sure." Shalim gave me a final sad smile before stepping back, and suddenly he was back to normal, pulling a face as he noticed my short hair already falling out of the braid. "I'll have to do this again," he grumbled, stepping behind me and pulling the elastic out as he started to comb through my hair with his fingers.
I waited patiently for him to finish before turning back to him and, before he could flinch out of the way, wrapped him in a tight hug. "Thank you," I whispered.
He didn't hug me back, but he patted my head gently as I rested it on his shoulder. "Thank you," he replied.
I pulled back and straightened up, clearing my throat as I heard the clock start to countdown. My stomach twisted uncomfortably and I felt my blood turn to ice. I forced a smile, trying to play this off as if it were easy for me as I climbed inside the elevator. The doors slowly slid shut, and just as the platform started to elevate I felt my legs shake, then suddenly give out underneath me. I couldn't do this, I realized with a panic. Shalim frowned at me, running forward to the elevator and pressing his hands against the glass, yelling something that I couldn't hear through the soundproof doors. My heart pounded in my chest, my breaths came shallow, and there was an immovable pressure in my chest that felt like there was a giant hand wrapped around me, squeezing me steadily. I banged my fists against the glass as hard as I could, like that could somehow change something, but the platform kept moving steadily further and further up, until I had risen completely up out of the room and could no longer see Shalim.
I felt new light pour onto me, coming from above, and I squinted up to see the arena come into view, the bright sun shining over my skin as the platform came to a stop at a pedestal. To my left I saw Enobaria, who bared her sharpened teeth at me as she noticed me collapsed on my pedestal, like she had already decided I was easy prey. I climbed to my feet instantly, praying my knees would hold up this time, and for the moment, they did. A new countdown started, the holographic screen hovering above the cornucopia as it counted down from 60 to announce the start of the Games. I took in the arena, noticing that all the tributes were scattered in an even circle with the cornucopia at the epicentre, platforms raised above a sea of crystal blue water. I could tell from the smell it was saltwater, which eliminated it as a water source, I noted sourly. All around us I could see sandy beach, with thick jungle leading up into the mountains.
As I turned around, taking in the scenery behind me, I noticed who was to my right; Cashmere. She grinned at me as our eyes met, and suddenly the countdown ended and cannonfire echoed throughout the arena, signalling the start of the Games. In a flash, Cashmere was in the water, but she was not swimming for the Cornucopia.
She was swimming for me.