Fall Away

I stared up at Adri. My face felt numb; I couldn’t speak, couldn’t blink, couldn’t even form an expression. Not that I knew what emotions I was feeling, anyway.

Adri’s face was unreadable, but in a different way - like he was feeling too many things all at once. I waited for the hardness in his eyes, the twitch of his jaw clenching, anything at all that would remind me of everything we had gone through before the Games and help me quash the ache in my body that wanted nothing more than to wrap myself up in him.

He did none of those things. Instead, he let his blade slip through his hands and crash into the sand, then fell to his knees in front of me, so close he almost landed on me, and swallowed me up in his arms. “I…thank God, you…Winnie,” he breathed into the crook of my neck.

I squeezed my eyes so tight I felt dizzy but the tears pushed onto my cheeks anyway. One of my arms wrapped around him, holding me tight against him with all my might like he might vanish any second, but the other beat my clenched fist against his back wildly. “Why are you doing this?” was all I could manage.

He said nothing; just squeezed me tighter in his arms and let me hit him as if he didn’t feel it. It felt like home in his arms, and for all my anger and confusion and despair, I selfishly let myself pretend, just for a moment, that everything was somehow okay. That we weren’t still in the arena, that the hovercrafts weren’t peppered around the beach to pick up the bodies of Wiress, Brutus, and Enobaria; even as the hovercraft lowered to pick up the pieces of Cashmere mere feet away, I barely let myself notice.

“Adri,” Finnick said finally, an unspoken threat in his voice.

Adri didn’t move, but Finnick’s voice pulled me back into my body, into the Arena. I shot to my feet and pushed my way out of Adri’s arms, hating myself for giving in to him just as I hated how hard it was not to collapse back into him again. I kept myself firmly between Adri and Finnick, ready to come between them when they inevitably tried to kill one another. As if that would do anything.

“Adri, this wasn’t what we talked about. I’ve given you long enough,” Finnick said, tightening his grip on the trident, though he didn’t raise it to strike.

Adri’s eyes never left my face. “You’re okay,” he murmured.

“Are you listening? This. Won’t. Work. You have to leave.” Finnick’s voice flooded with venom.

“What are you talking about?” I asked. My head was spinning; I couldn’t tell if his words made no sense, or if I was simply too overwhelmed to understand them. Nothing about this made sense. Nothing had made sense since the day we arrived back in the Capitol.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. You have to know that; I wanted to keep you safe.” Adri’s voice was soft and hoarse, and I was suddenly struck by just how pale and exhausted he looked.

“Did you find fresh water? Finnick, where’s the spile?” I said, not waiting for Adri to answer.

Finnick didn’t look away from Adri and said nothing.

“Finnick!” I yelled. “Listen to me! Where. Is. The. Spile?”

His eyes met mine, and there was a sudden overwhelming sadness to them. “Winnie, you can’t.”

I stepped towards him and shoved roughly at his chest, tears still streaming down my cheeks. “Goddammit! Answer me!” I sobbed.

Finnick looked helplessly past me again, meeting Adri’s eyes. “You gave me your word,” he said, a mysterious accusation plain in his tone.

What?!

“What…what did you promise him?” I asked Adri, my voice barely above a whisper.

Adri sat back into the sand, his face carefully composed, but I could see the veiled exhaustion sitting heavy in his weary bones. “Just give me a few minutes with her. Please.”

“Every second that you’re here puts us all in danger,” Finnick said darkly.

They arranged something. They planned something. They knew all of this. My mouth went dry as I pieced together one impossible scenario after the next, trying to figure out what explanation could possibly make sense.

I knew one thing with such ferocity that I was ashamed I had ever questioned it; Adri loved me. He still loved me. He hadn’t stopped. I knew it the second I looked into his eyes as he collapsed in the sand with me, and I wouldn’t ever question it again.

But maybe, after all that had happened, that wasn’t enough anymore. Maybe there was no explanation good enough.