Something to Remember

SARAH:

“Meg, are you sure this is alright? I mean, I’m not even completely sure this is what I want. I could just stick around a couple days until you hire a replacement for me,” I was desperately trying to get Megan to keep me, but she was having none of it.

“Girl, if I heard correctly, you were just offered a chance to follow your dreams, a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you’re worried about this old woman and her little café. Well, I’m not one for making threats, but if you don’t promise me to get on that flight, I’m gonna have to fire you. There ain’t nothing in this world that should be holding you back right now,” Meg finished cleaning the counter and gave me a stern look before brushing her hands on her apron and walking through the doors to the kitchen.

I sighed loudly and plopped down into one of the chairs closest to me. She was right, of course. There should have been no reason for me to question my luck, so why was I so hesitant? Why was this such a hard decision for me to make?

It was then that the one and only John O’Callaghan’s face popped into my head. I could remember the first time I picked up a guitar, it was in his bedroom. He had wrapped his arms around me to “teach me how to place my fingers” and in that moment with him, it was like coming home. I knew right then and there that I wanted to make music like he did.

My entire music career would be a giant reminder of John; that was why I was having trouble wanting it. The moment the thought crossed my mind, I knew it was true. Good old John Oh had wormed his way into my life again. I didn’t even have to be around him anymore for it to happen, it was like he had crawled inside me and took over every thought I had.

I covered my face with my hands and leaned my elbows on the table. This completely sucked.

“Rough night, princess?” I jumped when Zac set a cup of coffee on the table. He pulled out a chair and straddled it backwards to face me. Despite his joking tone, I knew he was seriously trying to ask if I was ok. I gave him a grateful smile.

“You have no idea,” I muttered while lifting the steaming mug to my lips. Zac gave me a curious look.

“I’d have thought someone who was offered a record deal last night would at least be slightly enthusiastic about it.” He gave me a lopsided grin that clearly displayed his confusion.

Since I first started working at Meg’s, Zac had been nothing but attentive and genuinely kind to me. If it hadn’t been for my baggage and fragile emotional state, I probably would have been head over heels for his big green eyes and dirty blond hair. Unfortunately though, my skeletons just refused to stay in the closet where they belonged.

When I considered what he had said though, I realized how stupid I was being. He was right; I was moping around because of a good thing. I was a complete waste of life.

Despite my internal recognition, I just shrugged noncommittally at him.

“I suppose you normally would, but you just can’t assume anything in my case.” I gave him a small smirk over the coffee cup and he let out a yelp of laughter.

“Damn right I can’t. But don’t worry, I’m learning.” He winked at me and then fell quiet for a moment. We stared at each other until he spoke again.

“So, you wanna tell my why you’re not home packing right now, or what?” The words may have appeared a bit sharp, but the gentle way he said it left no room for doubting his sincerity.

As I pulled my legs up onto the chair with me and rested my cup of coffee on one knee, I leaned my head back to look at the ceiling. I couldn’t decide whether I should tell him the truth or not. If I did, he might run for the hills and I didn’t want that. I wasn’t really crazy about all the embarrassment either, but in the end, I decided I might as well. I was going to be leaving for Los Angeles Monday morning anyway; Jeremy had already bought my ticket.

I took a deep breath before looking back at Zac. He was waiting patiently, giving me time to think without pressuring me.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this? Because I’m telling you right now, it’s gonna turn into the Oprah Show real fast if I do,” I raised both my eyebrows at him and inclined my head. I wasn’t going to drag him into this without a warning first. He merely chuckled and shook his head at me.

“Do you seriously think I came into this not realizing that you’ve got a ginormous chip on your shoulder? Anyone paying attention could see that Sarah. I promise you, if you want to tell me what's wrong, I’m all ears. No judgment. No running away. I’m entirely yours, well, until eight o’clock when the restaurant opens. Some of us weren’t offered big shot record deals; some of us actually have to work,” He looked at me pointedly and I reached over to punch him in the arm. He pretended like it hurt and I laughed. His bicep was so toned I wouldn’t hesitate to say the attempt had hurt me more than it hurt him.

Truthfully though, his words had given me reassurance and I nodded.

“You’re right-and I’m only going to say that once so I hope you heard it- I am completely screwed up. It’s kinda a long story, but I’m gonna try to make it short. Just so you know though, I’ve never told anyone all of this before,” I sighed and set down my coffee. Wrapping my arms around my legs, I looked down at the table. Zac stayed quiet and waited for me to speak.

“About two years ago, I was nineteen and headed off to ASU. At that time, I desperately wanted to break away from my boring, safe life. I was completely caught up in the idea that I would go off to college, away from my parents, and find adventure. I wanted my life to be exciting,” I gave a little smile and shook my head. I could practically feel my eyes glazing over as I began to remember that year.

“While I was out at dinner one night with my best friend, who I was staying with at the time, this guy ran into me and knocked me down. After helping me up, he asked for my number, saying that he wanted to make sure I was ok later; just to be sure I didn’t die from internal bleeding or anything. The line was awful, but I found it endearing and he was decent looking, to say the least, so I eagerly gave it to him. Later that night, he called to check up on me. I told him I was fine, but he insisted on dinner since he had to make sure in person. I was totally thrilled and made Ilise, my friend, work all day on making me look suitable.”

Zac laughed at that. “If how you look now is how you looked back then, I can’t imagine how stunning you must have been after a day of work.”

His compliment made me blush and I hurried on, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“Anyway, I fell for him pretty hard, very fast. It seemed as though he were everything a girl could ever wish for. He was the lead singer in a band, he could play guitar and piano, he wrote all his own lyrics, he was a complete bad boy yet had one of the kindest souls I had ever met, he was funny, and he was just plain handsome. I was completely taken by him and it seemed as though he to me. We were practically joined at the hip for the next few months after that.”

Zac was watching me intently and I knew that everything I was saying he was taking to heart. It made me feel good, to tell someone all this. It made me feel like I didn’t have to be alone anymore.

“Soon though, he got pulled into some bad stuff by the people he hung out with and dumped me. I was completely crushed, having had no warning signs whatsoever, and immediately dropped out of school to come crying home to mommy. For the next year and a half, I just did whatever work I could find until I saved up enough to buy my own apartment.”

I took a long sip of coffee before continuing; knowing this next part would be difficult.

“Five months ago, I got a call in the middle of the night from the hospital. My parents had both been killed on impact during a car accident,” my voice had grown shaky and strangled so I paused a moment to try to calm myself down.

“It was as though whatever had been left of my fragile self had shattered. For a while, I couldn’t even get out of bed. There was no one left for me anymore. The guy I whole-heartedly loved didn’t want me, my best friend lived in another time zone, and none of my family was left alive, since my older brother had committed suicide when I was 8. I didn’t even have a steady job or schooling. I couldn’t understand how my life was so utterly fucked up,” I could feel the tears as they burned hot trails down my face.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Meg shush everyone into the kitchen, having noticed what was going on. Zac sat in front of me, his face red and puffy while watching me struggle. It was one of the most heartbreaking things I ever saw.

“So, a couple months later, I took a trip to Arizona to see Ilise. While I was there, I found out my ex-boyfriend’s band was playing at a local venue and I decided to confront him. Things happened, he claimed to still love me, I believed him, then found out that he already had another girl. Once again, I was completely devastated and I left without looking back. I drove back to New York, got hired at this restaurant, and started to write music to express myself.”

I used my hand to wipe some of the wet off my face.

“So, the purpose for me telling you all this is, I am scared, terrified actually, that I’m going to start this career in music only to have it reflect every single thing in my past that I want to let go. All I want to do is move on,” I sighed and looked up at Zac who was clearly thinking hard. I remained silent until he said what I could tell he was trying to phrase.

“But don’t you think that this could be good, for that same reason? You would be given the chance to make music and communicate how you feel so you can heal. Keeping all of it hidden from the world isn’t going to make you forget, it will just keep you alone. You’re too beautiful a person to not let anyone around you. You have serious talent, Sarah, don’t let that escape you,” Zac said while his cheeks warmed. I knew him enough to know that fuzzy stuff was not his forte, so I was surprised to hear such emotion and wisdom from him.

I smiled at him before catching a glance of the clock on the wall behind him.

“Shoot, it’s almost eight! I better get out of here before I get in the way,” I started to grab my things and stand up. Once I did, I leaned against the chair I had just pushed in and looked at Zac.

“Thank you, for everything. You don’t know how much it means to me that you listened and care.”

He nodded and I started to walk past him, but he grabbed my wrist.

“You better come back and say goodbye to me, Sarah,” he said while looking up into my eyes. His green ones were so sad and affectionate that the lump in my throat made it hard to swallow. I nodded and he smiled at me before releasing my arm.

I’m not sure how, but my life was turning around. I had a record deal and Zac. It was more than I had been given in a long time.