Troubled Youth

Shannon had made arrangements for his mother to take care of the two dogs and the house. Constance had flown out to California and Shannon got her settled showing her where all the things she would possibly need were kept. The dogs were happy to see her and she felt the same towards them.
Constance then drove Shannon to the airport when it was time for his flight. He hugged his mother goodbye and walked in the doors of the terminal. Right off the bat he spotted Tomo standing in all black with his asymmetrical haircut. The drummer snuck up behind the guitarist and tapped one shoulder and then the other so Tomo looked both ways.
Once Tomo realized he’d been tricked he spun all the way around and found Shannon with a sheepish grin on his face. They hugged and caught up with each other before looking around for Matt. They were all supposed to meet in this terminal and get on the plane together. Matt walked in a couple minutes later and the three of them headed for security check.
The first flight they had was from California to New York. Then there was a day layover so they stayed in the airport not really wanting to go through security a second time. Prior to boarding their next flight they had to have their passports verified before they could go through the gate. Tomo was excited to use his passport again, it had been a long time since he’d come to this country.
The second flight was the longest. Matt was nervous looking out the window because all he saw was water. Scenarios ran through his head if the plane had to make a landing. He wondered where they were and how far away from land they were. What if they ended up in the middle of the ocean? He looked around at the passengers wondering if he wanted to be stuck with all of them for an extended period of time. These thoughts had briefly crossed Shannon and Tomo’s minds but they were both asleep now.
When they landed they were in Cape Town. Their passports were again checked and stamped before they were let through. Their bags were collected and the three of them started looking for their names on a sign.
What they found instead was Jared and Ella holding hands on the other end of baggage claim looking at the people passing. Shannon cocked an eyebrow at their hand holding but didn’t have much time to think about it when Jared spotted them. They met in the middle and found out the plan for the day.
There was a van outside they all got into and were taken to the hotel. Shannon, Tomo, and Matt were given their rooms and then everyone went up to put their things away. Shannon pretty much tossed his things into his room and then followed Ella and Jared into theirs. He noted the one bed and the general mess of clothes and other things laying around the room.
“Does no one clean?”
“We’ve been on vacation for a week.” Ella shrugged.
Her room when she had lived in the house with the boys was just about the same, a mess. It wasn’t weird to have other people in the room when her clothes and things were lying all over the floor.
“Still, cleaning ladies? Hotel services?” Shannon asked.
“We’ve had a sign on the door the whole week. Ella doesn’t like other people touching her stuff.”
“Oh.”
Tomo and Matt walked into the open room after they had been settled. Ella was introduced to Tomo since they’d never met. He’d been in the band since February of 2003 -over a year now- and Ella had been in New York all that time.
“So are you and Jared like together or something?” He asked when Jared tossed his arm around her shoulders.
“No, they’re just confusing.” Shannon said before Jared could. “They were mad at one another for a year and I guess things are back to normal. They’re fuck buddies.”
“Oh.” Tomo nodded swallowing that. “At least you’re never lonely.”
“Actually.” Ella said leaning forward to pat Shannon’s face. “He doesn’t know everything.”
“Oh?” Matt laughed. “Shannon thinks he does.”
Jared smiled and pulled Ella back into his side so he could kiss the top of her head.
“So are you or not then?” Tomo asked.
“Yeah.” Jared smiled.
“Are you sure?” Shannon was skeptical and narrowed his eyes as he looked at Ella. “She’s tricky.”
“He’s sure.” Ella looked to Shannon. “Believe me. I asked him this time.”
“Oh good.” Shannon kind of smiled. “Now I’m going to wonder what happened to make you change your mind.”
“Not a whole lot.” Jared shrugged.
“Anyone hungry?” Matt cut in. “Sorry to kill the moment of trying to sort out Jared and Ella’s personal life, but I’m starving.”
“Let’s get you boys something to eat.” Ella rubbed Jared’s stomach before leaving the group to pick up her purse.
Jared followed her out of the room and then wrapped his arm around her back as they headed for the elevator. Shannon mumbled that this was a weird moment for him and Jared gave him the finger without looking back. This prompted Shannon to grab Jared’s middle finger and bend it backwards so that the younger Leto had to turn and pull his hand from Shannon’s. The two of them played little games like this until they were in the car and Ella was driving to a restaurant by the beach.
The conversation over dinner turned to technical band things so Ella stayed out of it. Jared kept his hand over hers so she knew she wasn’t forgotten. Tomo eventually dropped out as well and started asking Ella questions. She was new and he wanted to get to know her a little better. For the most part he asked her questions she could easily answer, how long she had known Jared, if she played music, what she was working as, how she liked helping Jared out as his assistant. He asked about her family and she only responded saying she had one but gave nothing else up. Tomo took this as he was a bit of a stranger and she might not want to tell him about her family yet. Nothing about it seemed odd.
After dinner Jared and Ella showed the boys around to places they’d already discovered. The jet lag started catching up on them so Jared and Ella ended the tour and took them back to the hotel. The three of them climbed into their beds and went to sleep. Jared pulled Ella into their room and hugged her close.
“What?” She asked running her fingers through his hair.
“Nothing. It’s just we’re not going to have as much time alone now. Even less than we did when we were working on ‘Alexander.’”
“It’ll be okay.” She kissed his cheek. “I just need to know you’re around. We don’t have to spend every second we have wrapped up in one another.”
“I know.” He smiled kissing her nose and then resting his forehead against hers. “But these last couple weeks has been so perfect. Filming just started up a week ago and before that we had all that time to just explore.”
“You’ve got a busy life and because of it I do too.”
“You don’t have to keep working for me, you know. I can hire someone else.”
“I like it right now. I can still do some paintings while you’re working. I’ve got a few commissions to get caught up on. I suspect while you’re busy with ‘Lord of War’ and the band I’ll have time to catch up.”
Jared kissed her lips. “I love you, you know that?”
“I do know that.”
“You’re supposed to say you love me too.” He giggled kissing her again.
“You know I do.” She laughed as he pulled her tighter to his chest.
“Ella you’re killing me.”
“I love you Jared Joseph Leto.”
“Thanks.” He kissed her cheek. “Wanna go to bed, make some noise, and then fall asleep?”
“Sounds good.” She laughed kissing his nose. “Waiting on you.”

Recording was something Ella took a backseat to. She still picked up a guitar once in a while and played it but nothing else. Tomo would listen to her before going over to where she was sitting and giving her advice on what she was doing. Even though she assured him this wasn’t a career choice he didn’t care. He still thought she should know a little more than she already did if she was interested enough to pick up the instrument.
Jared split his time evenly as possible between the movie and the album. On breaks he would run over to the booth they had set up and record a few things before running back out to film a scene. Often times when he was back in his room and Ella was asleep he was sitting up writing songs or changing lyrics around to his liking. He’d only fall asleep after midnight with his arm slung over her side.
There were a few big thunderstorms that stopped production on pretty much everything. Filming was halted so Jared was free to work on songs but the recording techs were nervous about recording in the weather. They weren’t really set up in a permanent building and were afraid the equipment would get damaged.
The band was able to convince the techs to at least record a few minutes of the storms outside. Jared wanted to use it on a song or two and there was no where else he was going to get a better sound sample. Sure there were samples of storms that were for purchase but he wanted to use their natural resources and capture some of their environment from where they were working.
Not long after that Shannon, Tomo, and Matt had to head back home. Jared and Ella stayed a bit longer to finish up the movie and then were on a plane to make a connection to take them on another leg of the journey home.
When they stopped in New York it was a bittersweet moment. They were home but they were about to be separated. Ella was going back to Terry’s to gather her things. Jared had asked her to move back in with him and she agreed. Now she just had to get her stuff back to California in time because her flight left to join Jared across the country in three days.
Terry was sad to see Ella go but was happy she and Jared worked things out. He had to keep himself from saying ‘I told you so’ and gloating. He helped Ella pack up and ship off the few boxes she had. Then with just a backpack over her shoulder Terry dropped her off at the airport and she was gone.
Jared picked her up from the airport and wouldn’t stop kissing her. He’d only seen her a few days before but this was something different. He was excited that she was back after a year. He would have her in the house again after a year of her being gone. What made it even better was they were together now. She was his and she meant it this time. It wasn’t a game.
Before he could get her back into the house, Ella made him take her out for lunch. He parked the car a little farther away than he normally would have just so he could hold her hand that much longer. She knew what he was doing and shook her head accepting the kiss her planted on her cheek as he reached to open the restaurant door for her.
Nevermind the person that stood across the street taking pictures, Ella and Jared had a nice lunch. He didn’t hold off kissing her because there was someone with a camera. He pulled his chair next to hers at the table and would lean over to kiss her cheek when she least expected it. His hand found a place to rest on her thigh when he was finished eating and he’d watch her with a smile.
“Quit it.”
“What?”
“You’re watching me eat and it’s creeping me out.”
“Sorry.” He laughed looking away. “Well, not really. I’m not really sorry.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m excited.”
“Forever five, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” He laughed kissing her nose and then her lips. “And I hope you’ve still got an inner child.”
“You might have to look real hard for her.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Back at the house Jared found it empty of Shannon and the dogs. Ella was a little saddened by this. She hadn’t seen Judas in so long and that was one of the things she looked forward to most about coming back. Judas was her baby and she hadn’t seen him in two years. Sky had to be a lot more grown up too by now, she thought. He was still pretty much a puppy when she left. He had to have calmed down a little.
Instead they went upstairs and when Ella started to head for her old room Jared grabbed her elbow and turned her around.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked.
“To my room.”
“No.” He kissed her. “You’re going to mine.”
“Oh am I?”
“Yes.”
“What makes you think I want to.”
“I have toys.”
“What kind?”
“The best kind.” He grinned pulling her by the wrists into his room and kicking the door shut behind them.

The album was, for the most part, finished. There were a few things to finish up in the recording studio for polishing purposes and then the album was final. Ella gave it a few listens through before giving the boys her opinion on it. She liked it, wasn’t her favorite of the two albums they now had, but she would buy it if she saw it on the shelf. At least two of the songs she suspected Jared had written about their relationship but she said nothing. They were her favorites on the album after all.
The band was gearing up for tour and Jared wanted Ella to come with him. He told her he needed her there by his side but she wasn’t sure she wanted to go. She remembered what it was like on the first few tours, cramped in the GMC truck. She didn’t really want to do that again.
The upside to this tour was they had a bus. It wasn’t a huge bus but it was good enough size that they wouldn’t be as cramped as they had been in the truck. To their label it seemed they were a band on the rise and therefore gave them more money to tour and be comfortable while doing it. Ella was thinking hard about going with them.
Ella had stopped taking commissions for the time being. She had several she was behind on and needed to catch up quick. Most days Jared would find her downstairs in her converted studio working away. He’d left it the way it was when she moved out. He figured at some point she would be back and she’d want it again. The only thing he’d done was put an inexpensive couch and a large TV in the room. She said both could stay so Jared often came down in the mornings to eat breakfast and watch TV while Ella was working.
Shannon would pass through the room just to see what she was working on. Sometimes he would sit down and play some video games when he had nothing else to do but that wasn’t very often. The dogs kept out of the room because they didn’t like the smell of the oil paint.
One day Ella was sitting downstairs painting when Jared walked in. She had heard the front door open and close so it was no surprise to her when she heard his voice from behind her. Ella didn’t look up to respond to him, she was too focused on the details she was finishing up.
He stepped up to her side so his jeans brushed against her arm and looked at what she was working on. For a moment he wondered if she’d ever get tired of painting people having sex but then laughed to himself. Ella looked up at Jared when he laughed and then her mouth dropped open.
“What?” Jared asked with a smirk, he knew what she was staring at.
“Where the fuck did all your hair go?” She asked standing, hands reaching for his now bald head.
“I shaved it.”
“Why?”
Jared shrugged. “Because.”
“What am I going to pull on?” She asked running her hands over his scalp. “Side note, you look pretty stupid with this tan line thing.”
“Thanks. I was going to go outside for a bit to fix that.”
“You still have the rest of your body hair, right?” She asked, a slight smile coming to her lips.
“Yeah. Didn’t turn into a professional swimmer if that’s what you’re asking.”
“That was my next joke.” She shook her head.
“I know you too well.”
“That’s a lie.”
“You’re right. I don’t know you at all, but that’s okay. It’s like getting into bed with a stranger every night.” He leaned in and kissed her as he smiled.
“Oh you like that, do you?” Ella pulled back and lightly hit his chest.
Jared shrugged. “It’s alright.”
“I’m better than alright.”
“Okay. Prove it.” He leaned in to kiss her. “Prove it now.”
“Only if you want to get covered in paint.”
“We never did remake that painting from college.” He pulled her hips closer.
“Maybe later.” She smiled. “I don’t have a canvas big enough.”
Jared leaned in and kissed her again. “Want to go in the pool with me?”
“Where’s Shannon?”
“Won’t be home for a while.” He pulled her hips even closer. “Might not be home at all.”
Ella smiled biting her bottom lip.
“I take that as a yes.”
“I’ll meet you there. Let me wash the paint off.”
Jared kissed her one more time before heading towards the door. Ella asked where he was going and that he needed his bathing suit but Jared just shook his head and went out the back doors. When she came back into the room from washing her hands she saw a pile of Jared’s clothes on the table outside and he was in the water already swimming laps. She walked outside and started to pull her shirt off. Jared paused and leaned up against the pool wall to watch her undress.
She jumped in the water and he swam for her but she got away from him. He chased her around for a while grabbing at her ankles and wrists when he was close enough to. She eventually swam into a corner either by accident or design, he didn’t care, and he pushed her to the wall kissing her neck. She could feel him hard against her so she lifted one of her legs and his hand caught it under the thigh. He took that as he invitation and entered thrusting against her hips. The edge of the pool dug into her back but she didn’t mind it too much.
His lack of hair didn’t really prove to be a problem. Her nails just dug into his shoulders and back instead. Her teeth bit into his ear lobe and tugged. He grunted against her, this time with the water resistance it was more difficult to move right. Still, he could feel her tightening around him and that was bringing him over the edge. He slipped a free hand between her legs to rub against her and bring her faster. She was already loud in her appreciation but the way she sounded when he brought her to the end sent chills up his spine and the built pressure in his loins released into her.
They stood panting in the corner of the pool. Small kisses here and there were shared but they didn’t speak. Jared rested his forehead against Ella’s and let their noses touch. He pulled out of her and let her leg drop. Her arms wrapped around his waist and he wrapped his around her shoulders. They stood hugging until their breathing was normal. Jared kissed the side of Ella head and pushed off the wall to swim away. She followed him.
For about another hour they played in the pool. Jared chased Ella and vice versa. She would jump on his back and try to push him underwater but usually he was too strong for her. Ella would get out of the pool and dive into the deep end. Jared would giggle and then do it himself to make her laugh.
Shannon still wasn’t home when they got out of the pool and dried off to head upstairs for the shower. Jared found himself supporting all of Ella’s weight against the wall while they looked for the edge again. She found that even after they were done in shower she couldn’t keep her hands off him. Jared made them lunch but she sat up on the counter and pulled him close so she could slide his sweat pants off. Then after lunch they just went up to their room and rolled around in bed until they couldn’t anymore.
Jared fell asleep with Ella on his chest smiling. It hadn’t ever been like this when they were in college. He’d fooled himself into thinking that was the happiest he’d ever been. This was more than that. He loved her and she loved him. What was more, she actually said out loud that she loved him once in awhile. It wasn’t as often as he said it but it was still enough for him.
Later that night when they woke up both of them just laughed and blushed when they made eye contact. Ella ran her hand over his now bald head and smiled to herself. He asked what she was thinking and she said his hair wasn’t as bad as it was at first. She could get used to it. Jared told her he just shaved it off with the intention of letting it grow back healthy for the next movie he was doing.
“Are you ever going to stop with the movies? Every time I turn around there’s another one.” She joked kissing his nose.
“Well Lonely Hearts just came out last month and now that we’ve got money for tour we’re doing that for a while. Then I figured since I would be home at the end of this year beginning of the next I might as well film a movie. Besides, you like New York and you’ll have just as much fun there as you will here. Plus, I really want to do this one.”
“Who said I was going?”
“Me. I still pay you to be my PA.”
“I know. You can stop now.”
“Nope. Can’t.” He shook his head.
“Why?”
“It would be wrong.”
“I don’t care. I just get to be with you.”
Jared paused smiling with his eyes closed. She brushed his cheek with her nails.
“It’s amazing how even the smallest things you say can still make my heart flip out.” He laughed looking back up at her.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“That’s the point.” He kissed her. “I love you.”
“I’ll go with you on tour.” She kissed him back. “And I love you too.”
“Good.” He pushed his face into her neck. “I don’t know what I would do without you Ella.”
“Whatever you did that year I was gone.”
“Work.”
“So you do know then.”
“Yes, but it wa-”
“Shut up.” She kissed the side of his head. “I was joking.”
“I know.” He sighed happily tightening his arms around her.

A month later they were out on tour. Everything was going smoothly until Ella started getting sick. At first she pinned it on motion sickness. She remembered that on the first tour she was sick a few days in the beginning from being in the truck for so long. This lasted longer though. Jared was worried about her but she said nothing was wrong.
Jared let Ella think he had forgotten about it until they pulled in for one of their venue stops. He got her out of the bus and told her they should go for a walk. Where they ended up was an emergency clinic. She narrowed her eyes at him while they sat in the waiting room but he only kissed her cheek and told her he needed to be sure she was alright if for only his own peace of mind.
She told him to wait in the lobby while she went back. He didn’t want to but she made him sit back down and once she was through the door there was nothing he could do. Jared knew there wasn’t anything seriously wrong. He just wanted her to get some antibiotics if she needed them. He didn’t like her being sick.
When she came out she told him she was fine but her answers were short. They walked back to the bus and Ella did something odd. He watched her walk all the way to the back and check for anyone else that could be there. Then she came back up to the front and locked the door so no one could come on. She turned around to meet Jared’s very confused expression.
“What’s going on?”
She took a breath and looked out the window before turning back to Jared and very bluntly told him, “I’m pregnant.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
Jared’s face went from confused to shocked.
“What are we going to do?”
“What do you mean Ella.” He stepped forward and grabbed her hands. “This is good news.”
“No. No it’s not.” She shook her head.
“Yes it is.”
“I don’t want kids. You know that. I don’t want this. I... I can’t do this. I won’t.”
“Ella.” He said her name softly, he could see the panic in her eyes. “You can.”
“No.” She said very firmly.
“There’s nothing we can do about it now.” He kissed her but she pushed away. “Ella, please.”
“What?”
“Please, we can do this.” He was begging her.
“I won’t. I can’t.”
“If it’s because of your mother, you’ll be better than that. I promise you.”
“No. I don’t want this. A long time ago I decided I didn’t want kids.”
“Ella.”

Over the next few weeks after this news things between Jared and Ella were tense. They were fighting but it was more on the bickering side so no one really thought anything was up. It was normal for couples to bicker. Shannon even told them they were cute. That didn’t help the situation much.
Tomo was much more observant and when he talked to his guitar tech Vicki he started to suspect things. The suspicion was overshadowed by the fact that he was actually talking to Vicki regularly now other than to say his guitar sounded good. He had fallen in love with her the second he saw her and couldn’t get the guts to tell her. He was pretty sure Shannon had done that for him anyways but he was still scared because he liked her too much.
When it was two months since Jared and Ella found out -three months since she’d actually become pregnant- she couldn’t really hide what was going on anymore. They were in the middle of a break and Shannon was wondering why Ella wore sweatshirts around the house so much, why she never went in the pool anymore. It was August.
Jared convinced her that they needed to at least tell Shannon. When they did he was excited about it. Ella still sat there as a locked up case. She had stuck to her decision that she didn’t want children but Jared wanted to try. Their fights were getting worse. Shannon finally knew why they weren’t sleeping in the same room anymore.
At the end of the break Jared and Ella still weren’t sure what to do. Ella wanted to put the kid up for adoption. Jared wanted to stay together and be a family, he even told Ella they should get married but she just laughed and told him she wasn’t the marrying kind. Somehow he knew that would be her response.
Ella had asked Jared to find someone else to be his PA. They were out on tour again and it was the end of August. Almost always they were fighting and hardly ever in the same place. She couldn’t keep working for him when they weren’t getting along and she was only going to become less mobile the more pregnant she got. Jared agreed and started looking for a new assistant.
In September Jared brought on someone else as his assistant. She was a twenty-three year old blond with good credentials hailing from Australia by the name of Emma Ludbrook. Ella brought her up to speed and then backed off letting the girl find her own pace. Ella was glad to have that taken care of though Jared was still used to asking Ella for help. Eventually he started turning to Emma when he had life details to take care of.
This did not calm down their fighting much at all. By November they were off tour and had made a few trips out to their tree to talk. It was the only place they could be alone and have a conversation without getting into a full blown yelling match. Now that Ella was a little more than six months along she couldn’t climb into the tree to sit. Instead she sat leaning up against the trunk and Jared usually paced back and forth while they talked.
Jared was coming around to Ella’s idea of adoption but he was still fighting for staying together. They knew now that the baby was a girl and Jared wanted so bad to keep her. Ella had so many reasons for giving her up and they were all solid. It wasn’t just about her not wanting to be like her mother. She was logical in her reasoning and Jared couldn’t really argue with her.
The two of them were both working very hard at the moment. Ella was supposed to be backing off on her work load but that wasn’t happening. Neither of them really had the time for a child. Jared was in the middle of touring and gearing up to make a movie. A movie that he had been gaining weight for four months now. His face was rounder and he’d put on maybe twenty pounds since August. It was hard to keep the weight on with the touring he was doing but they were getting near the end.
Being almost always on the move wasn’t the best for a baby. When Jared had brought up that he and his older brother moved around a lot Ella reminded him they didn’t as babies. Sure they hadn’t hit ten years old yet but this baby would pretty much be born on tour and stay that way. It wasn’t healthy.
Another reason she had was they were always fighting. Ever since they found out they were at each other’s throats. That was not a good environment for a child. Jared promised her they could fix that. He said it was all because they were both scared but the second that little girl was born they’d figure it out. Ella knew better. She knew herself better. Nothing would change. If anything it would get worse.
Three solid reasons and Jared couldn’t argue. Ella was right and he knew it. When he finally agreed to adoption it was December. It broke his heart to say he would go along with it but he had to. He had to do what was best for his kid. Ella saw how hard he was taking this and thought maybe she should back down. Maybe they should try. But if she were honest she was too scared. She didn’t want to fail. She didn’t want to be her mother, to make her mother’s mistakes. She didn’t want to drag Jared through that kind of a relationship.
At eight and a half months in January Ella was just as big as Jared was. Or she felt like it anyways. He had put on sixty seven pounds for a role as Mark David Chapman and she had put on about ten pounds less than him from how hungry she was and how big the baby was getting. They were staying in the same apartment together and Emma was there as well taking care of the both of them as best she could.
Emma had turned out to be the best thing for the two of them. She could stop them from fighting and as a result of the last month they really hadn’t raised their voices at one another. Emma made sure Ella was getting what she needed nutrition wise and set up doctor’s appointments. Ella was due the first week of February but something told Emma the baby would be a little earlier than that.
Jared was worried while he was on set. He had his own health issues to think about like how he couldn’t walk very far any more or tie his own shoes without getting sick but all he thought about was Ella. What if she went into labor while he was gone? What if he missed something? What if she needed him and he wasn’t there? They were pretty much broken up at this point but he couldn’t help being concerned about her and the baby.
As much as it hurt Jared to know they were giving up their little girl he knew the family she was going to was a good one. They’d been through a long process meeting families looking to adopt and finally settled on one. The parents seemed stable and ready for kids. The wife couldn’t have any of her own and Jared knew they’d treat his baby right. He was just so scared of that day when he would lose her forever. It was a closed adoption and the only time he’d ever see his baby was the she would be born.
Ella and Jared had named her already. They used her name when no one else was around. It felt weird to call her ‘the baby’ anymore. When they’d told the adoptive family the name they liked it. They said they would keep it so long as they could pick the middle name. She was set to at least have the first name Soleil. It was French for sun and pronounced so-ley. Jared wished her name would be Soleil Leto but it was too late now to change anyone’s mind, too late to keep her.
At the end of the year they shared a quiet Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Everything was paused on the edge. Jared and Ella both knew after the next month nothing would ever be the same again.