Troubled Youth

“We reached a settlement with EMI. We’re staying on their label and need to renegotiate a contract but still making the record on our own. We want to keep the control in our direction and not theirs. At least a lot of the stress has gone.” Jared sighed. “I felt like I couldn’t get up some mornings. Actually, there were a couple I didn’t. I wish you had been there next to me. You would have kept me going better than I did myself.”
Ella half smiled at Jared. She didn’t know what to say. She’d agreed to come out with Jared and sit in their tree for a little to talk and catch up but she couldn’t say a word. Jared was content to continue talking about his band’s situation though he noticed something was off with Ella. She always had something to say. He knew better than to ask her what was going on. If she was going to tell him it would come out on her own time.
“Sometimes I think we should have fought harder -I don’t know how we could have- but things are probably best this way.” Jared paused, Ella wasn’t sure if he was talking about them or about the band. ”We don’t owe them thirty million and we get to continue doing what we love. I can’t really complain about that. Everything’s almost back to normal.”
“What’s not normal?” She asked quietly looking out at the horizon line.
“A few things.”
“Like?”
Jared shrugged. “The house is always so full of people now but I still feel like something is missing, someone is missing.” He sighed heavily. “I feel lonely.”
Ella nodded.
Jared took a moment to breathe before he spoke again. “I miss you.”
“I know.” She put her hand over his.
“I think I’m lo-”
“Jared.”
“What?”
“Don’t say that.”
“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”
“Yeah I do.”
“Fine.”
“Look, I miss you too. I wish I could still be around as often as before but things are a little tough right now.”
“How?”
By the look on her face Jared could tell Ella had just said something she hadn’t meant to.
“Nevermind.”
“Ella.” He sighed wondering if he should reach out and stroke her cheek.
“It doesn’t concern you.” She took her hand from it’s resting place on top of his.
“Are you alright?” He reached for her wrist and pulled her hand back to rest in his lap.
“I’m fine J.”
He smiled a little because of the way she referred to him. “No you’re not but that’s alright. You’re here.” Jared leaned so that his shoulder touched hers.
“No one else knows I’m here but you.” She put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t tell anyone where I was going.”
“Why?” Jared started to run his fingers through her hair.
“What you don’t know won’t hurt you.”
“Is that why no one knows or your response to me?”
She sat up and smiled.
“Ella, I’m kind of worried.” He ran a finger along her jaw line, his eyes soft with concern.
“Don’t be. Things are working themselves out.”
“Where’s Adrian?” Jared asked watching her face for a reaction.
“Gone on business in Florida.” She looked tense.
He knew he’d struck the right chord with that question. There was something between the two of them that was causing her tension. He didn’t want to be right but at the same time he hoped he was.
“Oh, didn’t know he had a job that took him out of state.” He tried to sound nonchalant.
Ella rolled her eyes. “And yours takes you around the world.”
“Mine isn’t a job, it’s a passion. Speaking of passions, how’s the painting going?”
“Haven’t done much lately.”
“I was starting to wonder when you’d have a new show. Terry said he had some ideas for you but you hadn’t talked to him in a long time.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“With what?” Jared thought the question was innocent enough.
“Being married.” She sounded a little too harsh.
Jared didn’t say anything. He just looked at her hoping that she’d get what he was thinking.
“I’m getting a divorce.” She spat out looking away from him.
“What, from me?” Jared tried to joke.
Ella at least smiled a little and turned back to face him. “No, from Adrian.”
“Does he know it yet?”
“Nope.”
“Why?”
“Why doesn’t he know or why am I getting a divorce?”
“Both.”
“He doesn’t know because I only decided a few days ago. He’s been gone and it’s not kind to do that over the phone.”
“And the other question?”
Ella sighed and clenched her jaw a few times. She didn’t want to be telling him this, she didn’t want him to be so involved but she felt like he had to be. Ella felt like she had to tell him.
She gave him a hard look before spilling the reason in a few blunt sentences. “He doesn’t want me painting what I like to. He wants me to be at home. He doesn’t like me talking to you.”
“Oh.” The last sentence was the one that stuck with him the most.
She was doing this because Adrian didn’t like her talking to him. He didn’t like that she was so close to Jared. This made him crack a tiny smile.
“Something changed after we got married and he had to control things more. It’s not bad but you know how I am with being controlled.”
“You can’t work it out?”
“I’d rather not. Besides, we got married too fast.”
Jared nodded. Ella working a problem out was a joke he had to try to not smile at after he’d asked. He knew she always ran from her problems. Sometimes Jared thought he had been a problem and she ran to Adrian, now Adrian was the problem and she was running away from him. Maybe, if he had good timing, Jared could be the one she ran to.
“I just wanted something to make me feel normal and he came around. Being married seemed like a normal thing for a thirty something to do so I agreed. You’d think I was smarter than that.”
“You were just running.” Jared pushed his shoulder into hers again. “Running like you always do.”
“Yeah, but this time you weren’t there to stop me, to try and slap some sense into me.”
“I figured I should leave you alone. Like you said, we’re both thirty somethings and you could make your own decisions without my input. I thought you’d be happy.”
“I was for a while.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I’m just sorry.” Jared said leaning over to rest his head on her shoulder. “You wouldn’t let me say the reason even if I wanted to.”
“That’s probably true.” She half smiled threading her fingers through his long blond hair.
“If you need a place to stay when Adrian gets back...”
“My old room is full of computers and hard drives now.”
“Yeah but my bed isn’t. I can sleep on the couch.”
“Jared.”
“It’s there if you want it. Don’t say no right now. Just show up if you need it, alright?”
“Thank you.”

By March Ella was in the beginning of a divorce. The first night, after she told Adrian, she came to stay with Jared and Shannon. She slept on the couch downstairs. She was actually surprised to find she slept so well on the couch. Maybe it was because she’d done what she had been stressing over. Shannon sat downstairs with her for a while watching a movie, Sky was lying at his feet. Jared came down to check on her every once in awhile during the night because he knew she’d sit up and think but he was surprised to always find her sleeping soundly.
He woke her up with the smell of his buckwheat pancakes and made sure she ate enough before he let her go back to her house. From that day forward Jared always listened for a knock on the door. Usually he’d check when he heard it open but he knew it wasn’t Ella. She didn’t have a key anymore and hadn’t lived there in so long she’d be more likely to knock than to walk in.
For a little while Jared considered moving the computers and hard drives out of Ella’s old room and setting that back up for her but he left it how it was. He didn’t want to make her feel like she had to move back in with him. Instead he went to the only spare room downstairs and made it into a guest room. It was right on the other side of the studio and was pretty small because the studio had cut into it but he and Emma tried to make it as nice a possible in case Ella needed a place to stay. She couldn’t keep sleeping on the couch; not with all the people that went in and out of the house now. Jared wanted her to at least have some privacy.
Ella didn’t really come back that often after the first night. She had talked with Adrian and they’d both agreed that the divorce was needed. It was now an amicable split. Ella still had her reservations about what would happen once all the paperwork and lawyers started up. She had things that needed protecting and when she felt they were in danger she turned to the one person she felt she could trust.
They were sitting outside eating lunch but the real reason Ella wanted to meet hadn’t come up yet. She was just kicking around in the conversation because she knew it would mean something when she asked for the favor she hoped he would grant her. Jared knew very well she was dancing around whatever she wanted but he let her. In her own way he could see she was nervous and figured this warranted a big question she had.
Lunch finished before Ella even got around to hinting at what she wanted. Slowly she’d turned the conversation back to college and when they’d met. They were having a good time laughing about how young and stupid they’d been. She brought up the first time Jared met her father and he laughed saying that was the first time he’d ever seen her in a dress.
“My fashion choices are a far cry from what they were then.”
“I do like the dress you’re wearing today by the way.” Jared smiled at her over the rim of his glass.
“Thanks.” She blushed but it was hard to see with the sun hitting her face.
“Your dad would have liked to know you wore dresses more regularly now.”
“Yeah. I wish he were around. He’d know what to do.”
“What to do with what?”
“This whole divorce thing. I mean he’d be disappointed that I was getting a divorce but he’d be there to help me.”
“What do you need Ella? Maybe I can help.”
“Maybe.”
Jared waited for her to continue.
“Remember how he left me all that money when he died?”
“Yeah.”
“Well I only spent a few thousand. The rest I invested in various things. I’ve made a pretty good return on it, just about doubled it. I’m afraid that since there was no agreement between me and Adrian that he’s going to try and take it. He doesn’t know how much I have right now but I think he will soon. His lawyer is looking into assets right now anyways.”
“Yeah, he’ll probably find out.” Jared nodded agreeing but leaving her room to continue speaking.
“If Dad were here I’d just sign it back over to him to keep it safe but he’s not anymore. So I’m scared I’m going to lose it.”
Jared nodded along playing with the straw in his glass to push the melting ice cubes around. Every once in awhile he’d look up at her from under his brow so she knew he was still listening.
Ella put her hand over his and stopped him playing. “I need your help now.”
“Anything.” He said looking up at her as his hand flipped over and grabbed hers.
“Would you take the money and keep it safe for me? Just for a little while. I don’t want to have to fight over what my dad tried so hard to give me.”
“Of course.” Jared smiled. “Anything you need Ella.”
“Thanks.”
Ella kind of laughed at a thought in her head and then a sad expression flickered over her face.
“What?” Jared asked squeezing her hand.
“Nothing. I just kind of feel like my mother right now, clinging to money like it’s the only thing that matters.”
“You’re not like her. It was your father’s gift to you.”
“I still feel like her. I’m not going to keep it all for myself though. I’m trying to find good places to donate to.”
“See, you’re not like her Ella.”
“Thanks.” She half smiled but Jared could see the feeling was still there.

May seemed to sneak up on Ella. She had been so lost in making sure everything was going correctly in her divorce that she didn’t really keep track of dates. On top of that she had picked up painting a little but couldn’t seem to make anything she liked. She was frustrated and the only way she could think of letting off steam was to go see Jared.
Lately she found he was the only person she could talk to. He was a great listener and always made time for her when she needed him. This time was no different when she asked if he was too busy to have her over. He told her the front door would be unlocked and she would find him in the studio working. Ella picked up her purse and left her house to drive over to Jared and Shannon’s.
There were more cars than ever at the house so she parked outside the gate and walked up the driveway. She didn’t want to block anyone from leaving if they needed to. She could tell Emma was there, Jamie, and a few other people but there was also a car she didn’t recognize.
Tentatively she pushed the front door open. From somewhere inside she heard Emma call out a hello to her. Ella smiled and asked how she knew who was at the door. Emma came round the corner and smiled at the shorter blond woman.
“You’re the only one who wasn’t here and Jared let me know you were on your way. He’s in the studio.”
“He said as much. How are you?”
“Oh good. Busy but good.”
“Need any help?” Ella asked putting her purse in the hall closet.
“No. It’s just emails and phone calls. Jared told me to send you into the studio as soon as you got here. Wants you to meet someone.”
“I met Flood last month. Who does he want me to meet now?”
Emma just smiled and put her hand on Ella’s back to lead her further into the house. They made it to the living room and Ella noticed the words over the wet bar. They hadn’t been there the last time she was at the house. Emma explained that Jared, Shannon, Tomo, and various others had sat down and picked words they found intriguing or inspiring and had some sort of wall paper type decoration made to go up there. Ella liked it, not as much as she liked writing on the other three walls, but she liked it.
There was a step up to the door leading into the recording studio and Emma went first to announce Ella’s arrival while tapping out an email. Jared stood up from where he was and walked over to hug Ella. She closed her eyes and hugged him tightly back tucking her face into his neck so she could take in his scent.
“Hi.” He said quietly.
“Hey.”
“I want you to meet someone.” He smiled pulling back. “This is Kanye.”
Ella turned to look and her eyes widened. “Kanye West is in your house?”
“He is.” Jared kind of laughed. “I still don’t believe it myself.”
“Nice to meet you.” Kanye smiled taking Ella’s hand.
“Holy shit. Sorry, I’m like freaking out. Oh my God.”
“It’s alright.” He smiled back.
“Jared you could have warned me.” Ella hit his arm but he smiled in response enjoying her reaction.
Jared shrugged and smiled.
“I’m sorry, I’m normally not like this. It’s just... I’m a fan and then I come over here because I’m stressed and you’re here and it was unexpected.”
“Don’t worry.” Kanye got up and gestured to his seat. “Sit down a moment, take a listen to what we’re working on.”
“Okay.” Ella laughed a little awkwardly and took the seat. “Thank you.”
Kanye continued to be very polite listening to what Jared played him and Jared’s explanations of what he was looking to do. Ella was still a little starstruck so she was quiet but Jared sat next to her with his hand on her thigh occasionally tracing his fingers in small circles. He wasn’t even thinking about it, it was just a natural thing to do.
Ella ended up curled under Jared’s arm because he and Kanye sat so long in the studio talking. A few times Kanye got into the vocal booth to record and they put it over the track but something wasn’t right. Jared didn’t get up to look at anything because he wanted to keep Ella where she was. He just had Jamie turn the screen towards him so he could see what they were doing while he sat and played with a few strands of her hair.
When Kanye left they were talking about meeting up again to work some more on the song. Ella had gone over to talk to Jamie a little and see what they were working on. Apparently Jared had told Jamie he could play Ella anything he wanted to so Jamie was giving her new material from the last two weeks since she’d been there.
Jared came back into the studio and stood behind Ella with his hands resting on her hips. She leaned back into him and he clasped his hands in front of her as he turned his face into the side of her head to nudge her ear with his nose. She pushed her shoulder to her ear laughing and then relaxed again when he started talking. He was asking Jamie to play her another song.
After that he told Jamie to go get some sleep and led Ella out of the studio. They went upstairs to his room and he shut the door behind them. Ella noticed the absence of a bed in the room. When she asked he pointed to the piano. He had taken his bed and replaced it with a couch so that he could have room for his piano. Apparently he wasn’t doing much sleeping anyways so it hardly mattered to him.
“The couch isn’t good for your back.” She said sitting on it.
“I only take short naps.” He sat next to her. “If I’m going to sleep for a long time I go downstairs to the guest room I made you.”
Jared quickly changed the subject onto Ella and tried to figure out what was bothering her. She said she had started painting again and nothing was coming out right but that was all she would offer. Ella didn’t really think he needed to know she was sad about her divorce and feeling a bit like she had failed.
By the end of the conversation Jared had talked her into coming with him to Hawaii at the end of the month. He was going out there to finalize the recording of ‘Hurricane’ with Kanye and thought she deserved a vacation too.
Ella took a good look at Jared. He had dark roots growing out from the blond he had dyed his hair. She played with it smiling and telling him he looked like Kurt Cobain. Then they laughed about the time they were in college and went to see Nirvana. He made fun of her all over again for freaking out about holding Cobain’s hand. She maintained that it was the best hand hold at a concert she had ever experienced and Jared promised she’d have a better one. Ella wouldn’t believe that one but Jared promised.
It wasn’t until well past midnight that Ella thought she should head home. Jared talked her into staying and got the guest room set up for her. He said he’d be right on the other side of the wall working if she needed him. Ella fell asleep quickly and Jared would come by once in awhile to peek in the crack she’d left to make sure she was alright. He thought about climbing into bed with her but remembered she was still married.

Hawaii was bright and sunny with comfortable temperatures. The flight over was easy and comfortable. Jared wouldn’t let Ella look out the window because the knowledge that they were over nothing but water scared her. He took the window seat and let her sleep most of the flight away on his shoulder. He knew he was going to get into some kind of trouble during this trip.
When they landed he woke her up gently and then they were at the hotel. The time shifted three hours back from what they were used to so the day felt very long. Instead of working right off the bat like Ella had expected Jared to, he took her to the beach and they sat there with a few beers watching the sun set. The team of engineers he’d brought to record were busy setting up and there wasn’t anything he could do if he had wanted to.
The second day they met up with Kanye again. He was just as nice and polite as ever. He had written some things down that he’d been playing with but couldn’t finalize them because he didn’t have a version of the song to work with. It had changed since the last time he’d heard it. Jared played it for him. The two of them sat with their heads nodding listening to the music.
Kanye was able to figure out how he wanted his part to sound and they were off working. Ella stayed for a while to watch and then she went on her own back to the beach for a while. She was in Hawaii and didn’t intend to spend it all in a hotel room watching them make a song. She had things she wanted to see. She didn’t go alone though, Jared sent Emma with Ella just so he knew she’d be safe. It didn’t stop him from once in awhile wondering what the girls were up to but if did make him feel better.
They all met up for dinner that evening and shared stories about what they’d done during the day. Ella and Emma’s stories were more interesting because they’d gone on a guided hike and seen some cool places they wouldn’t have otherwise. Ella shared some of the pictures she’d taken and Emma shared hers.
By the time dinner was over everyone was tired. Jared grabbed Ella’s hand and took her up to his room. She hadn’t planned to stay with him in the same room just as a precaution but Jared didn’t seem to care about that. He had a room to himself while Ella and Emma were sharing. He promised her they were only going to talk for a bit so Ella went.
For a while they did talk just like he’d promised but it was clear from the glances and brushes of hands that he was thinking something else. Ella got up to get more water and Jared stood to follow just a step behind her. She paused at the sink when he came up behind her to press his lips against the bare skin of her shoulder. Ella almost dropped her glass in the sink when his hand slid from her hip to her breast.
“Jared.”
He bit her neck warning her not to talk.
“Jared stop.”
“No.” He growled.
“Jared.”
He turned her around and pushed his lips to hers. She kissed him back threading her fingers into his hair. For a moment Ella forgot and let him kiss her. It had been a little over two years since they had kissed and she found she’d missed him much more than she thought.
“Jared, stop. I’m still married.” She pulled back.
“You’re not wearing a ring anymore.” He growled pulling her back.
She turned her head and he sighed when his lips hit her cheek.
“It seems to me this is what you need.” He pushed a knee between hers and pulled her leg up so it was on his hip. His voice softened a little. “I need you. I need to get lost between your thighs.” He pushed her hair back from her ear with his nose and gently tugged on it with his teeth. “I’ve been so stressed for so long with no relief. You can’t imagine the tension I’ve been going through. I need you and you need me too.”
“I shouldn’t do this.”
“But you will.” He grinned devilishly as he nipped at her bottom lip.
Ella pulled him in kissing harder than before. His hands slipped her shirt off and then he sat her on the counter. She slipped out of her shorts and started to undo his pants. His breathing was heavy in her ear as her hand found him and drew him out. There wasn’t much waiting. She wanted him and he let her take him as quickly as she wanted. Standing wasn’t the way he had pictured taking her but it was just as good as he expected. He just didn’t feel they were close enough.
Ella wasn’t done with him yet. She slipped off the counter after the first round and pulled him to the bed. He crawled on top of her and pushed her knees apart with his hips. She pulled him closer and he slipped under her skin with a low growl. He was slow this time, letting her burn with each touch. They had both needed this for so long.
It seemed the two of them couldn’t ever be left alone in a room together. It would ultimately end in some sort of sexual gratification and the return of an unbalanced relationship. There was just no way around it.
“I hate you.” She sighed running a hand through his hair as they laid side by side staring sleepily at one another.
“Why?”
“Because I might not even be divorced yet and I already slept with you.”
“If it’s any consolation, I hate you too.” His hand found her hip and he slowly ran along the curve as he spoke.
“Why?”
“Because you’re too damn beautiful for me to leave alone.”
“You’re sweet.”
“I mean it.”
“I know you do.”
They laid silent for a long time. Outside a light rain had started up against the window of the hotel room. Ella’s eyes shifted to the dark square that looked out on the beach during the day. Jared watched her seeing thoughts flicker across her face. What he wouldn’t give to know what they were. He reached out to brush his fingers along her cheekbone and bring her attention back to him.
“What?” She asked.
“I should be asking you that.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Jared sighed and stroked her cheek again. “Everything about you matters to me.”
“The sound of the rain.” She looked back towards the window.
Jared pushed up from the bed and crawled to prop himself up over her. She pulled her knees up and rested her thighs against his hips. There was no sexual tension between them in that moment, he just wanted to be able to stare down at her but she wasn’t looking at him. He lifted one hand and ran it through her hair.
“What about the rain?” He asked quietly.
Ella swallowed. Jared wondered what emotion she was feeling. Sometimes it was hard to tell with her. He kissed her cheek as encouragement. Ella turned her head so their cheeks brushed. Her lips were at his ear.
“Africa.” Her voice was a quiet whisper. “The rain reminds me of Africa.”
Jared sighed quietly and nuzzled her hair as he closed his eyes tight thankful she couldn’t see his face. He didn’t know why but that little admission brought tears to his eyes. She still thought about Africa, maybe as much as he did. The sudden rain storms they’d locked themselves in their hotel for. The time they were caught on the beach and stayed in the sand and the rain while everyone else had fled. Oh that sand. It had gotten everywhere by the time the rain had gone. What he wouldn’t give to take Ella outside on the beach right now and relive that moment. She must have been thinking about it then. He kissed her ear. Her fingers started to stroke his ribs gently. He shuddered.
In a moment of conflicting emotions, Jared pulled his head back and moved to crush his mouth against hers. His eyes were still stinging with tears but he wanted her. She kissed him back though she was surprised by his sudden intensity at first. He bit her bottom lip and tugged hard hearing her gasp. Her hands tugged his hair and he groaned.
“I need you again.” He growled releasing her lips, his eyes alight with deadly fire.
“I’m yours.” She pulled him back kissing hard.
Those were the only words he needed before he slipped under her skin again. Twice in one night after a two year absence. He could hardly contain himself and the need he felt. Jared knew he was a little too rough but Ella never asked him to back off. She liked it this way. Hair pulling, biting, scratching. Everything was carnal and animalistic. He’d needed this for so long.

By the time Ella got back to California she found out she wasn’t divorced yet. Adrian hadn’t come in to sign the final papers and Ella was annoyed. That would be the second time she had technically been in a relationship and slept with Jared. Granted this relationship was emotionally over for her but legally she was married. If anyone found out they’d been together -or if anyone who was there talked- that could bring consequences for Ella.
Thankfully it was only a few more days before Adrian signed the papers. He said he had been working and didn’t get a chance to sign them but Ella figured he was just trying to drag it out as long as possible. God knew why, but that’s what she suspected.
With the divorce over and the house they had lived in up for sale, Ella found herself homeless. Jared offered her the guest bedroom until she found a better space and gladly she accepted. She wasn’t sure she would move back in with Jared though the house was technically one third hers. Shannon was happy to have her back in the house. She made him meals and took care of him. Emma made sure Shannon knew he was being spoiled by Ella but it always seemed to go that way. Shannon was just someone that always got spoiled by whoever was around, especially by his own mother.

The last thing they all did together that year was film a music video. The album was going to be released in December and the first single was ‘Kings and Queens.’ While on tour Jared had got the idea to do a crank mob type video. He got a new custom bike and organized a night ride through the streets of LA. He even got Ella on a bike and into the video.
That was one of the most memorable nights for them. It was long and tiring but worth it. Never again would they have the chance to bike through the streets of Los Angeles in so huge a group with whom they considered their family, the Echelon, and make a short film about it.
Ella found herself a small apartment shortly after not too far from Jared and Shannon’s but spent more time at the house than her apartment. She was just fooling herself into thinking she was setting a boundary between her and Jared. The problem was the boundary had been broken before it had even been set.