If It Was Meant to Happen...
I need to stay away...
After about 20 minutes of me crying, thinking over what I have done, I sit in the alley, alone, cold.
"I'm in love with Phil. I am." I think to myself. And just after that thought, I think about how I just lost him, for good. I feel tears welling up in my eyes again. Why? Why did I do this to myself? To him?
I wipe my tears away with my sweatshirt sleeve and stand up. I stand there for a moment, leaned up against the wall, trying to collect myself. I then peek my head out from the alley, scanning for any signs of Phil trying to find me. Nothing. I step out from the alleyway and walk in the opposite direction of my flat. I don't plan on going home for a while...
After about 2 hours of walking around town, contemplating life, I go to check the time on my phone. But instead of seeing the time I got distracted by something else. A notification stating I had 17 missed calls from Phil, and 8 new text messages from him as well. Pretty much every single text read: "Please come home, I really need to talk to you." I chose to ignore them, seeing that probably as soon as I see his face i'll breakdown completely.
Right as I go to put my phone into my pocket, it buzzed again. Another text from Phil reading: "If you are to come home tomorrow between 1 and 3 I wont be home. I have a dentists appointment around that time. Maybe i'll see you sometime..."
Maybe i'll see you? Those words killed me.
I spend all night till morning walking around Manchester, thinking of what to do, how to avoid him. I needed to go back to the flat. I'm starving and have no money. I look at the time and see its only 10:00, so I have 3 more hours until Phil leaves then I can eat, pack some things and move away.
I will barely be able to look at him. But then a worst thought crossed my mind. The fact that he wont be able to look at me. At all. I destroyed the best friendship I have had in my entire life, and due to my impulsive actions, I will never be able to get it back.
Starving, I search around my trouser and jacket pockets and am able with £2.75. Enough to get me a milkshake. Which will hopefully hold my hunger until its time to go home. Well, my previous home that is.
I sit on a park bench, rarely seen due to the amounts of tall bushes surrounding it, sipping my shake and thinking. Thinking of what to do. Where to move to. But mostly, thinking about Phil and what I have done to him. He wasn't expecting that. He wasn't expecting that his most trusted best friend would do something like that. Catch him off guard and make him see everything I have been thinking for months. He knows everything, all because of one kiss. The kiss I regretted as soon as I pulled away from him.
I remember the look in his eyes. The confusion. The scared. I remember how he shook. How he choked to say anything. The way he pushed me away. I try and hold back the tears but its useless. They all start to come out. Blurred vision, puffy eyes, red face, shortness of breath. That kind of sob. I set my shake onto the ground then curl up on the bench, attempting on not making much noise so no attention is attracted to me.
So after about an hour of crying and thinking on a park bench I decide its time to go home, no matter if Phil was home or not. I was just going to not talk to him. Not look at him. Just go straight to my room and lock myself there.
I just need to go home. Now.
"I'm in love with Phil. I am." I think to myself. And just after that thought, I think about how I just lost him, for good. I feel tears welling up in my eyes again. Why? Why did I do this to myself? To him?
I wipe my tears away with my sweatshirt sleeve and stand up. I stand there for a moment, leaned up against the wall, trying to collect myself. I then peek my head out from the alley, scanning for any signs of Phil trying to find me. Nothing. I step out from the alleyway and walk in the opposite direction of my flat. I don't plan on going home for a while...
After about 2 hours of walking around town, contemplating life, I go to check the time on my phone. But instead of seeing the time I got distracted by something else. A notification stating I had 17 missed calls from Phil, and 8 new text messages from him as well. Pretty much every single text read: "Please come home, I really need to talk to you." I chose to ignore them, seeing that probably as soon as I see his face i'll breakdown completely.
Right as I go to put my phone into my pocket, it buzzed again. Another text from Phil reading: "If you are to come home tomorrow between 1 and 3 I wont be home. I have a dentists appointment around that time. Maybe i'll see you sometime..."
Maybe i'll see you? Those words killed me.
I spend all night till morning walking around Manchester, thinking of what to do, how to avoid him. I needed to go back to the flat. I'm starving and have no money. I look at the time and see its only 10:00, so I have 3 more hours until Phil leaves then I can eat, pack some things and move away.
I will barely be able to look at him. But then a worst thought crossed my mind. The fact that he wont be able to look at me. At all. I destroyed the best friendship I have had in my entire life, and due to my impulsive actions, I will never be able to get it back.
Starving, I search around my trouser and jacket pockets and am able with £2.75. Enough to get me a milkshake. Which will hopefully hold my hunger until its time to go home. Well, my previous home that is.
I sit on a park bench, rarely seen due to the amounts of tall bushes surrounding it, sipping my shake and thinking. Thinking of what to do. Where to move to. But mostly, thinking about Phil and what I have done to him. He wasn't expecting that. He wasn't expecting that his most trusted best friend would do something like that. Catch him off guard and make him see everything I have been thinking for months. He knows everything, all because of one kiss. The kiss I regretted as soon as I pulled away from him.
I remember the look in his eyes. The confusion. The scared. I remember how he shook. How he choked to say anything. The way he pushed me away. I try and hold back the tears but its useless. They all start to come out. Blurred vision, puffy eyes, red face, shortness of breath. That kind of sob. I set my shake onto the ground then curl up on the bench, attempting on not making much noise so no attention is attracted to me.
So after about an hour of crying and thinking on a park bench I decide its time to go home, no matter if Phil was home or not. I was just going to not talk to him. Not look at him. Just go straight to my room and lock myself there.
I just need to go home. Now.