Baby Scars

I couldn't help but let my head fall back as the cool air shot towards me, flailing my hair around in all different directions like they were loose strands of grass swaying in the fields, except more forcefully. No matter how much I tried, I could not close my eyes fully. I just simply would not let myself miss the open and beautiful landscape around me. For the first time today through-out this whole trip, I had finally seen how truly spectacular my surroundings were. We were completely cornered by nothing but desert, with horizons that go on for what seems like forever; with small dust piles collecting, running in the wind, and then withering back to it's simple form as a tiny grain not long after; and having the most enjoyable of temperatures I had ever felt in my whole entire life. Just because this was a dusty, desert area doesn't mean that it's hot and nasty.

No, it was far from that. Not only did this atmosphere amaze me, it also made me feel happy and somehow enlightened. I had never once left my small state of Maine, not even to visit family or to go sightseeing with the relatives. So this trip made me feel extremely great, like I was floating up in the clouds. I felt weightless, just me, the desert and I.

“Meg!” I hear my sister shout over the loud wisp of the wind passing by us. Ah yes, how could I forget my lovely sibling, Hayden. For a moment there, I had and I was kind of hoping to keep it that way. “Could you please sit back down?” She huffs, looking back at me in the mirror, her sunglasses pulled down just enough on the bridge of her nose that I can see her glaring at me. I sigh disappointingly, hating that my perfect moment with the world was coming to an end, so I slid back down into my seat, leaving one arm hanging out of the side of her old, classic red convertible.

This trip was fortunately not only my first out of the state, but also my first as an adult. No, I don't mean that I just turned eighteen. I mean that I've finally scavenged enough money from working and doing whatever I can and I'm leaving my hometown as a twenty-one year old.

Unfortunately, this wasn't the solo adventure to enjoy my freedom that I'd been waiting for. My sister decided that since she had the car, she could come. I don't know what made her think that I couldn't just rent a car, but she's always one for ruining everything for me. She's also never one to take no for an answer.

I know that usually the younger child gets most of the attention, but in my case, it was the other way around. It was always Hayden, Hayden, Hayden and I hated it. It's not like I wanted all the attention, because trust me, I didn't- But I grew up almost completely prevented from doing anything that set me apart from others. Guitar lessons? Nope. New clothes? No way. Allowance? Not a chance. Not even singing lessons, something I had wanted more than anything when I was younger, but I never got it. All of it went to Hayden and so when I finally got my own job, I started to buy my own things, but it still didn't help being neglected from so much in my younger years. I never got that head start like all of the other kids at school with the hobbies I had wanted to pursue, but never got the chance to try up until now. After the accident, I never really did anything...

Yes, I might be alone now that I'm an adult, but I'm the one who decides what I do now. No more people or teachers telling me what to do or what not to do. I know that it's going to be hard to live on my own, but I was ready for anything. I wasn't expecting to be as ready as I was now, considering I was practically under lock and key through out my life, but I am. The world can throw anything at me, because I'm ready to actually take chances now that I have the ability to do so.

In all honesty, I'm just glad to be gone. I didn't hate my parents, nor did I hate my sister, I'm just happy that I made it out alive and still thrive to be someone in this world. So that's why I'm on this road trip, using my freedom as an advantage to go places to just reach for the dreams I've always had of being a photographer.

When I got started a few years ago, I was using my friends camera when I could and then after a while, it finally hit me that this was something I would want to do for the rest of my life. Regardless of a photographer's salary, this was something I grew to love of a span of five years and I knew that this is what I wanted my future job to involve. So here I am now, driving all the way to the first stop on the famous Vans Warped Tour, doing just what I'd been dreaming of doing. I guess since I posted a lot of my pictures online, adding watermarks so I could be identified, Kevin Lyman- the founder of the event itself, saw and liked it enough to contact me.

It was earlier in the year, when I was trying to plan out a good way to move and where to go, when he sent a message to my account on Flickr and when I went to check, I honestly didn't believe it. Not until I looked at the senders profile and that's when I knew it was him. Kevin Lyman sent me a special message, granting me the chance to do more of what I love and professionally. I replied back immediately and well, now I'm on my way to meet him for the first time in person.

My dreams were not always to be a photographer when I was younger, but it has become a passion of mine and I've always found it as a way for me to create something beautiful. Knowing that someone else likes my work is beyond flattering and since I grew up without the ability to make something of my own, it feels extremely amazing.

“Hey Meg, we're here.” I hear my sister tell me, breaking my train of thought, feeling kind of glad she did. Living in the past never did anyone good and this was my chance to go somewhere. When I open my eyes, I see her actually smiling at me. She turns her head back to face forward and that's when I finally see everything. It's as if my heart nearly stops, my throat closing up from shock. There were buses, large amounts of buses, crowded in front us, just behind an ample sized gate, currently guarded off by a few security guards. To my left, people were already waiting outside patiently, some standing around fanning themselves with their hands and others swaying to the music pumping from their headphones. I couldn't help but smile to myself, so glad that it was finally here, the beginning of something that is going to be hard, but so worth it.

As we neared the gates, I remembered that I still had yet to check in. I pulled out the email Kevin sent me with everything I needed to know beforehand and the things I needed to do upon arrival. “You got a pass?” One of the security guards asks as we come to a halt in front of the gates, watching nervously as he narrows his eyebrows at me. I could tell he didn't want a big talk: he just wanted to get me where I needed to be and out of his way.

“Um, well no, but I do have this email from Kevin. I still have to check in and get my ID.” I tell him, stammering between a few words, holding out the thin piece of evidence for him to see. I could just barely make out a table just on the other side of the fence, where others were being signed in.

For a second, I really started to believe that he wouldn't let me in, but he did. He just told me to park on the other side of the gate, get my pass, and go park. He also warned me if I wasn't supposed to be here, that I would be kicked out. Thank God I wasn't a liar. The last thing I need is this guy talking down to me and nearly scaring me all the way back to Maine.

Hayden turns back to me and gives me a scared look, followed by a laugh. All I did was respond with a light chuckle, because I wasn't used to this, her being nice to me. Hey, I'm not complaining. It feels good to get along with her. After parking the car right where we were asked to, we hop out and head towards the two girls registering people. “Hey, welcome.” One laughs, leaning up towards the table.

“Your name? First and last.” The other says, tucking a strand of dirty blonde hair behind her ear as she leans over the clipboard bunched with lines and lines of names, most already crossed out.

“Megan Gray.” I respond back, finding myself hoping that my name really is on that list. I don't know why I had doubts, Kevin Lyman himself told me I had admission to every show and a free ride, minus gas money, on the press bus.

A few seconds later, after a couple of flips through the pages clipped under the clasp on her board, she smiles up at me and crosses what I would assume was my name off the paper as she rises to her feet. “Alright, you're good, just let me get your pass.” I mentally thanked God and exhaled as casually as I could, because I was honestly worried I wasn't on the sheet. She disappears behind the tent and comes back a minute later holding my ID, labeled with the word, “PRESS” on the front and my information and a thankfully semi-attractive picture on the back. Not that anyone would see it, but I still didn't want to look back at this with an insanely unflattering picture laminated on the pass.

“Thanks.” I say back, flashing both of them a wide smile as we make our way back to my sisters car. “I think I can make it from here...,” I laugh back, and to my surprise, extend my arms out to hug her. She walks into my grasp and we just stand there for a second before I say, “You didn't have to do this, you know.” I chuckle, finding myself getting slightly emotional. I was hoping she wouldn't notice the slight shake in my voice, but she did. She pulls away, holding my shoulders as she gives me a sympathetic look.

“Meg, I love you, okay? It may not seem like it, but I do. I would have driven you this far a million times if I had too. Don't worry about it, just make sure in return for this, you call me...” She pauses. “I'm not talking every night, but at least a few times a week, just so I know that you're okay.”

“When did this happen, Hayden?” I laugh, wiping away the stray tear that made it way down my cheek. Hearing her tell me this was shocking and a huge surprise, but I was overwhelmed with joy. I had been waiting for my sister and to finally give each other a chance, and seeing Hayden be the one to ask for time to get closer was awesome. “-And I promise, every night if I can!”

“I'm not going to let us fight like this anymore, nor am I planning on losing my little sister anytime soon.” She smiles, letting me go to grab my bags from the trunk. She heaves my large suitcase and duffel from the back and when I notice her struggling, I also help. I double-check the back and when I realize I've got it all, I know that this is it. I really hated leaving Hayden after just now making up with her, but I made her a promise to try to make this work between us and I would do just that. “Mom and Dad would be proud.” She sniffles, still smiling brightly at me. She wipes away the stray tear that made its way down my cheek and we took the next few minutes to just talk briefly before I left.

After saying our goodbyes, I started to walk my way through all the buses, still unsure why I thought this would be a good idea without any clue what my bus looked like or where it was. I stopped in the middle of the dirt road; set my bags down, letting my suitcase stand on it's own behind me while I checked my ID to see if it said anything about my bus. Unfortunately, there was nothing, so I reverted back to my email and there it was, a description of my bus and where it would most likely be.

Regardless of the fact that I knew what it looked like, there were still a load of similar buses around me and only so much time I can spend outside in this heat before passing out. Thankfully, about 5 minutes later, I found myself standing in front of my new home for the next three months. I really didn't know what to do, if I should knock or just walk on, so I just knocked like the nervous girl I was. A moment later, a man appeared behind the door and asked, “Hey, I assume your press, right?”

“So this is the right bus? Thank god, I thought I would be stuck in this heat looking all day.” I laugh, feeling better when he returns one back. He even offers to get my bags and I don't decline, considering how much I packed. I'm a girl, I pack more than I really need, but you can never be too prepared.

Instead of walking back inside the bus, he politely squeezes himself and my bags past me and makes his way down the length of the bus. He drops my things on the ground carefully, before pulling open a large storage area where everyone else luggage already resided. He shoves my things in and shuts it back up. “If you already haven't noticed, this is where your luggage will be. You don't need to ask to open it up and get your stuff, because well, you just don't need to.” He chuckles, instantly sticking his hand out for me to shake. “Eric.”

“Megan, but you can call me Meg.” I smile, returning his gesture by slipping my hand into his, shaking it firmly.
I couldn't help but find him extremely attractive, with his perfectly straight teeth, gleaming bright in contrast to the sun beating down on us, and his clean cut style, fitting his physique and features perfectly. A part of me even wanted to just ruffle his messy, brown locks around, but I resisted.

“Will do.” He laughs, sending over a light smile before walking ahead of me onto the bus. He clicks the door open, holding it for me as I make my way up the steps. Once completely on the bus, I find four other people hanging around in various places on the bus. I almost waved to them all, but I thought against it because no one was even paying attention, so I just stayed quiet and followed him down to the end of the aisle of bunks. “This ones yours.” He smiles, slapping a hand on the edge of the top bunk. How am I even supposed to get up there? Crawl my way up?

“Woohoo...” I laugh unenthusiastically, making sure to hint the sarcasm in my voice, as I slid back the curtain to reveal a tiny, but manageable sleeping space.

“Hey, welcome to Warped Tour.” He chuckles, pointing his thumb over at my new area for the next handful of weeks. I knew that I would definitely be missing my big queen sized bed back at home, but seeing as this was a one time experience, I knew that I just had to say, “Why not.” and live with it. I mean, it wouldn't be that bad, sleeping in a coffin sized bunk, just a little cozy for my liking, but manageable. “Is this your first year?”

"Yeah... and I'll be honest, I'm really nervous." I laugh shyly, thinking back at how confident I was an hour ago and now here I am, intimidated by everything and how I'd never even done anything like this before. I had no experience and was now tackling it head-on.

He gives me a confused, but sympathetic look before asking, "Why? You shouldn't be scared, Warped is going to be an awesome experience for you. I'll make sure of it." He laughs, resting one reassuring hand on each of my shoulders. "I promise."

It felt nice having someone who was already reaching out to me as a friend. At least now, I knew that I wouldn't be alone this whole time. "Thanks. I'll hold you to it." I chuckle back as he removes his hands.

“Alright, time to go pick up our free shit!” A guy up front shouts to everyone on the bus, clearly excited about that. Wait, we got free stuff? Like... free of charge? Holy shit, I'm loving this tour already. I wonder what we got. Maybe we got something from Vans because it was, well, the Vans Warped Tour. Hm, I could use a new pair of shoes and considering I will probably get my feet stepped on a million times within a short span of one week, the new shoes would come in handy, because mine are already falling apart. Now if it were clothes... that would be fucking sweet.

Eric told me to follow him and he would take me to all of the “free loot,” as he calls it. So all of us file off the bus quickly and make our way through all the buses to what I would assume would be where everything would be. I was just following everyone else, trailing closely beside Eric. “Hey, have you met these people before...?” I laugh, pointing over at everyone up in front of us, sticking together closely like they were bonded together with glue.

He chuckles with a shake of his head and says, “Never met 'em before. Most of the people I've met from past years went on to do other things, like work for international music magazines. As for these guys, nope, they seem to know each other though.” He pauses, noticing my obviously sarcastic expression and says, “Don't worry, I'm here. You won't be alone for three months. Now that would just be rude!” He laughs and I do as well.

After about five minutes of just walking endlessly in the heat, following the guy who had led us all of the bus in the first place, we finally found the jackpot. I was amazed by the amount of merchandise I was currently seeing all at once. There were stacks and stacks of Vans shoe boxes, filled with what I would assume would be every size of almost every Vans shoe imaginable. To my left, next to all of the shoes, were boxes of Vans clothing. It wasn't exactly heaps of cute and girly clothes, but I could see cute enough woman's tanks popping out of the sides of the brown structures.

Before we even had the chance to take another step, Kevin Lyman comes walking up to us all quickly with an open mouth and tons of words to say. “Alright, welcome you guys. I really can't stay and chat that long, but pick out what you'd like; one pair of shoes and a couple articles of clothes. As for you,” He says, pointing over at me because I was unfortunately the only girl and continues with, “You also get a pair, but there's a specific set of boxes with woman’s clothing. Just ask anyone standing around to help.” Then he gave us a smile and was off.

I look over at Eric with a confused, but humored look on my face and notice he too has a similar expression. “Was that Kevin?” He nods his head to me as we make our way closer to the shoes area. “Well damn, I feel bad for him. He seems as though he never gets the chance to take a breather!” I chuckle, stopping myself in front of a pair of what seemed to be a size eight of thin, black sneakers. I was never a big fan of those chunky classics, anyway.

“He's always working his ass off, every single year he's going faster and working harder. You'll get the chance to talk to him sooner or later, he'll make time for it. He likes to get to know even us press better at some point during the tour. He's a great guy, plus he'll make you laugh really hard.” He chuckles, picking a pair of all black checkerboard slip-ons. “Just wait, you'll get the chance, even if it's the last day, but it won't be.” He pulls out one of the shoes and examines it happily. “God, this is why I love Warped.”

“Free shoes?”

He gives me a humorous look and replies, “Yep, it's the only reason I come every year!”

“Makes sense... 'cause not even being on tour with amazing bands like Paramore and Underoath can even compare to how awesome free Vans merchandise is, right?” I joke, exciting myself just by saying those bands names. I have been listening to both of those bands for so long and just to be in the same place with them for three months straight is unbelievable. I really do feel so lucky to be doing this.

“You got it, sister.” He spits out in a sassy manor, putting his pointer finger up the air with his lips pursed tight like he were some fierce, young woman.

“Oh, you got attitude, sister!” I joke, mimicking his action as best as I could. We probably looked like idiots right now, pretending to be something we're not, but it was fun. This felt like some sort of reassurance that maybe it would be more fun that I'd thought... that I wouldn't be like a stray child this whole time. There was someone else here who welcomed me as if we were already best friends, but even if we weren't, I felt as though we truly were good friends even after such a short amount of time. He greeted me with open arms and one hell of a sassy attitude.

Warped Tour 2010, bitches.