The Zombie Reaper

When she woke up she couldn't really remember much of anything. She wasn't even sure if she remembered her name correctly. Faith? Was it Faith? Or perhaps her name meant faith? She wasn't sure. She couldn't remember. It seemed like her life was fog like substance that seemed to dense to peer through. Instead, all she could think about was the dull pounding in her ears. All she could think about was how sore he muscles were. All she could think about was how much she ached, how cold she was.

She just wanted to go home.

But where was home? Where was she even? She tried to recall, but she didn't know. And that worried her. Something didn't seem right about this. She knew, without a doubt, that she had never woken up feeling like this before. That meant that it couldn't be real. Or maybe it meant that something was very wrong. That worried her most of all. If something was wrong, how could she fix it? Would she even be able to escape it? The thought sent a shudder down her spine.

She opened her lips and found that they stuck together as she prised them apart. She flicked her dry tongue out to touch dry, chapped lips. She was so cold. How long had she been there like this? What was going on? Was she hurt? Were people she loved hurt?

What was love?

She knew it the moment she felt it blossoming in her chest. It was something warm. It was something that she wanted to rush through her entire being. It was something she wanted more of. She tried to hug herself in hopes of getting the warm feeling in her chest to radiate through her more, but found herself unable to move. Her hands seemed latched behind her and she felt panic seize her very being. Why was she bound?

Yes, that was the word! She was bound.

And she was panicked!

A whimper escaped her throat, scrapping it's way up the dry instrument. How long had it been since she was awake? She didn't know. She was trying to hold onto everything she could remember, but all of it seemed to want to slip away. None of it seemed to want to stay with it. It was as if she was losing every part of herself.

That was what scared her most of all.

"You're almost ready."

The voice that swept over her was almost mechanical. A mewling sound escaped her lips. She was sure it was from her. She just want's sure how she had made such a sound. What could it mean? Did she want to know what it meant? She was actually afraid to know. No, she knew, she simply did not want to admit that she knew what it meant. She was afraid. She could not control her fear. She could not control her situation.

Why was she here?

She tried to remember. She tried to know. She tried to figure it out but none of it made sense. Instead, the only thing that echoed in her mind was the word faith.

Was it her name?

Was it what her name meant?

She couldn't remember. She tried, but try as she might, she couldn't figure it out. None of it wanted to make sense. None of it wanted to come together into one cohesive picture. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to pull at the memories of the beginning. Something told her that those were always the strongest. She wasn't sure why that would be the case, but she trusted the little whisper in her mind that reminded her of that. It had to be right, didn't it?

It was in her mind, so it spoke some truth of her life. She held onto that as she allowed her mind to drift through the clouded memories. The ideas that were there but not quite within her reach. The thoughts that seemed to swim just out of her reach.

Things began to grow clearer.

She could hear a name.

She could feel something warm touching her skin. They called it sunlight. She just knew that she liked it. She loved the way it made her dark skin glow. It made her feel special. She would always smile when she was in the sunlight.

So where was it now? Why had it forsaken her?

No, sunlight was not a person. It did not have a will of its own. She had to recall that. It was hard to remember much of anything though when everything seemed to be quickly fading into nothingness once more. She didn't want that. She didn't. She wanted her memories to come back. Then again, she wanted the sunlight to come back as well. She honestly didn't know which was more likely.

She was afraid which was more unlikely.

"I don't want to lose myself."

The voice sounded so unfamiliar. It was a bare whisper. It almost didn't exist. But she knew that it was her voice. And she clung to that. She clung to every part of her that gave her an identity. She clung to it with a desperate hope. She needed all those little things that made her who she was.

"Faith. Sunlight." she whispered. Those things were hers. They belonged to her. What else could she have? What else was her own? She tried to remember. She tried to draw from those beginnings, but she couldn't remember. It seemed almost impossible. She whimpered.

"Faith. Sunlight," she whispered again wishing that she could hold herself.

"Love," she breathed. Yes! That was her. She knew love. She was someone who had love in her life. She didn't know why that was so important or what it could mean for saving what was left of herself, but she knew that she had love.

Three things belonged to her still. "Faith. Sunlight. Love." The words became a chant. As long as she didn't let those things go... she could stay. That was what she told herself. Another part of her knew the truth. A corner of her mind sat away from the rest. It was curled into a ball. It knew that she could never be able to come back to herself. Not at this rate at least. She was going to die without any memory.

The chant would falter. She would forget a word. Than she would forget two of them. Eventually even the first word would die away. It wouldn't matter how hard she tried, she would forget. That was a simple fact that the small doubting Thomas of her mind spoke to her. It whispered to the rest of the mind that would listen. The fogs that clouded every memory that made her who she was. It all whispered its own chant.

You'll forget in the end.

You'll forget the words.

You'll forget the first memories.

You'll forget who you are.

A shudder ran down her spine. "Faith. Sunlight. Love."

You'll forget everything that you've ever known, the little voice promised.

And when you forget, it'll win.

"What will will?" she asked as her chanting faltered for the first time.

It. The voice said. You'll forget in the end.

She shook her head. "Faith. Sunlight. Love. Faith.. Sunlight. Love. Faith."

You'll forget the words.

"Sunlight. Love. Faith. Sunlight. Love. Faith. Sunlight."

You'll forget the first memories.

“Love. Faith. Sunlight. Love.. Faith. Sunlight. Love.”

You'll forget who you are.

“Faith. Sunlight. Love. Faith. Sunlight. Love. Faith.”

You'll forget everything that you've ever known.

“Sunlight. Love. Faith. Sunlight. Love. Faith. Sunlight.”

And when you forget, it'll win.

“Love. Faith. Sunlight. Faith. Sunlight. Faith...”