My Little Bird

When Zayn dropped her off back at the flat, Eleanor was already anxiously waiting. Harry must have called his friends as soon as he left Zayn's house because Louis was already gone and Eleanor wore a sympathetic frown on her face; further evidence was that none of the other three boys had replied to the text she sent them which said nothing more than 'Sorry boys. Dinner's off.' If they hadn't already heard what happened, all three of them would have been questioning her about the sudden cancellation, so it was safe to assume they knew.

Eleanor started to follow her up to her room, but she shook her head, holding her hands up in front of her. "I just wanna be by myself for awhile," she mumbled. Her cousin nodded in understanding and Asher continued up the stairs without further interference, locking herself into her bedroom before she burst into tears again.

Spending a few hours with her face buried in her pillow didn't really do much for her state of mind and it did nothing to help her fix her problem. She had already decided what she needed to do, but still she found herself postponing it. Finally she dragged her body off of the bed, straightening the duvet so that it was made up neatly again before she retrieved her suitcase from the closet and heaved it up onto the bed, throwing it open. She changed into an outfit that would be more comfortable for the cool summer evening and the long flight back to Florida before throwing the old outfit into the bottom of the suitcase and then going over to her closet to grab handfuls of her things.

It didn't take long to get all of her clothes packed. There was some difficulty, considering she had bought some things during her stay in London so she was leaving with more than she came with, but she managed to get everything stuffed into her suitcase after a slight struggle. She made sure to separate all the clothes and shoes she'd borrowed from Eleanor's closet and laid it all out neatly on the bed. Next to it, she left the extra long gray tee shirt that she had claimed from Harry long before they became more than friends. It had originally smelled like him, but she'd had it for almost two months and worn it to bed nearly every night since so now it smelt more like cherry blossoms. She would have washed it for him if there had been more time.

She surveyed the room one last time, grabbing the almost forgotten phone charger from the wall and sliding her laptop into her carry-on bag along with her tattered old copy of Emma and her phone. When she reached the bottom of the stairs with both bags in hand, she found Eleanor waiting patiently as ever, her brows furrowed and her mouth pulling down into a deep frown. "But you still have a whole month left! You can't just go now. After all that's happened?"

Asher pointedly ignored her statement. "Everything of yours that I borrowed I left on the bed....And his shirt. I, uh, trust you'll get it back to him?" She stared directly at Eleanor, waiting for her to object, but the older girl finally just gave a silent nod. "I just remembered I have some things in the dryer. I'll be right back."

As soon as she disappeared down the hallway completely from view, Eleanor whipped out her phone and frantically typed out a text to the only person who could fix things. If anyone could stop her from leaving, it would have to be him. She knew it would kill him to have things end there; he wouldn't let Asher go without a fight.

Her suitcase is packed. She's actually leaving, Harry. You have to do something.

She shoved it back between the sofa cushion and her thigh, but almost immediately it vibrated with a new text. She listened carefully for a moment to make sure Asher was still down the hall at the washer before she pulled it back out to read the short response.

Stall her. Please.

After promising to do her best and urging him to hurry, she shoved her phone back under her leg just as Asher reappeared at the end of the hall with a short stack of shirts she had washed the day before. She knelt down and unzipped her suitcase, flattening the shirts as much as possible before stuffing them inside and closing it back up. "Come, let's have a chat," Eleanor said, patting the empty cushion next to her. Asher sighed heavily as she stood up straight and trudged over to the sofa, flopping down next to her cousin and pulling one of the throw pillows into her lap to hug it to her body. "Talk to me, Ash. Walk me through your thought processes here."

Asher shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, but she already felt like crying again. "After we talked yesterday, I thought I might be able to do it. I wanted to try anyway, for him. But then that stupid article came out and now the whole world thinks I'm a cheating whore. Even Harry."

"He does not."

"Yes, he does, El! If he didn't, he wouldn't have had to ask." She shook her head, briefly closing her eyes as she wiped the wet streaks off her cheeks with the sleeve of her cardigan. "It's hard enough knowing that millions of people you've never even met think that lowly of you. It hurts a lot more to know the person you love thinks that way too."

"He doesn't think that way of you, babe. Olly's just a bit of a sore spot for him."

Asher scoffed. Olly was a bit of a sore spot for her too. "I'm not cut out for this, El. I was a nobody for my entire life and I hated it. Now that all this has happened, I realize how lucky I was. To not be noticed, to just be in the background, to not have every little thing I did analyzed under a microscope. I knew it was gonna be hard, but not this hard. I thought I could do it. I wanted to be able to. But I've realized that I just can't. I'm not as strong as you and the other girls are."

"Ash, sweetie, we're not any stronger than you are. It's a struggle for us too but we've just all made the decision to try not to let it get to us. We knew going into it that it was going to be hard because of who the boys are and how many fans they have and how much attention they get. But we love them and they love us so we try to just ignore all the negative things people say. The bottom line is this: it's about us and them. No journalists, or paparazzi, or fans, or anyone else. That's all that matters."

"I bet none of you ever had your boy suspect you of sleeping with Niall behind his back," she grumbled under her breath. Even hours later, she was still extremely angry over the fact that he had doubted her to the point where he thought she could actually do something so despicable as sleeping with one of his closest friends.

Eleanor's perfectly arched brows furrowed as she looked at her cousin, confused. "Wait, what?"

"Nothing," Asher sighed, shaking her head. "Here's a bottom line for your bottom line: that won't work for Harry and me. If he can't trust me, then it's not just us that matters. It's every rumor that gets circulated about me, no matter how ridiculous. It's every fan who tweets him, telling him how much better he deserves. It's every fucking grown man with a camera who takes a picture of me in public with someone other than him. He'll always wonder if it's true. And that I am not strong enough to handle."

Eleanor only nodded solemnly, unable to think of any response to her cousin's reasoning. It seemed a plausible argument; Harry obviously had some issues, but they were with himself, not her, and he was the one who needed to tell her so. He was the only one who could get through to her on the subject. "What are you going to do?" she asked after a few beats of silence.

"I'm just gonna go to Heathrow and buy the next ticket back to Tampa. I don't care how many stops it has or even if it isn't til tomorrow, I'll sleep in the airport. I can't-....I can't be here anymore. I just wanna go home."

She sniffled, wiping at her streaked cheeks again and Eleanor threw her arms around the younger girl, pulling her into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry it's all happened this way. I wish we could go back and change things. I only wanted you to have a proper summer holiday. Finally have some fun for the first-"

"I know," Asher mumbled, not allowing her cousin to finish the thought. She didn't have to; they both knew what she was going to say. For the first time in over a year. For the first time since you lost your first love and best friend. For the first time since you became less than a whole person. She pulled back to look at Eleanor, taking the older girl's hand in hers. "I don't regret coming here though. Obviously I'd change some decisions along the way, but other than that...." She trailed off, shaking her head and raking a hand through her wavy hair. "Thank you for giving me the chance to know him. All of them. Even if only for a little while."

For a normally emotional person, Eleanor had been strong seeing her cousin cry over the past few days, but when Asher thanked her for the summer, even after all the heartache she'd suffered because of it, she broke. "I'm sorry," she cried, grabbing her in another hug. "I love you."

Asher was confused by the sudden burst of emotion, but she patted her back comfortingly. "I love you too, El. You're my best friend."

"This is all my fault. It was my idea in the beginning, and look at everything that's happened because of it. I've made a mess for you. I'm so sorry."

"I'm the one who should be sorry. I caused a lot of trouble for you and the boys this summer. I didn't realize I'd be such a monumental task when I accepted your invite."

Eleanor let out a laugh through her tears as she released her cousin and dabbed carefully at the corners of her eyes. "You've always been a monumental task, Ash. It's why I love you so much."

"Gee, thanks," she replied sarcastically, but slightly amused.

"I don't want you to go yet."

"It's for the best."

"Can I at least drop you off? Maybe we can even have some dinner while we wait for the next flight."

"I don't give a shit about food, but if you want to join me at the first bar I find there, you're welcome to. Oh, but you can't cry anymore once we're there."

"And why the hell not?"

"Today, they printed a story about me cheating on Harry. Tomorrow, they'd print us crying at the airport before I board a flight back to Florida. No way. You know what? Maybe you shouldn't go with me. I've given everyone enough bad press already. If someone recognizes me in the airport, it'll just be worse. You don't need to be dragged into it too."

"Asher, stop it. You are my cousin and you're leaving me and I won't see you again for God knows how long! I don't quite give a shit about the press right now."

She cracked a smile and stood up from the sofa, stretching out her limbs before going over to where her bags were sitting just inside the room. "We should get going. I could be missing a flight as we speak."

"Are you sure you've gotten everything?"

"I think so," she sighed, picking up her green printed bag and sliding it onto her shoulder. "If I didn't, you can just FedEx it to me."

"Here, let me take that one." Eleanor pulled the bag off her shoulder and Asher thanked her before picking up the floral suitcase by her feet. "I really wish you wouldn't leave without talking to him one more time."

"I wouldn't even know what to say," she murmured. A few salty tears made their comeback, leaving a fresh set of tracks down her cheeks. "If I saw him- had to see that look on his face again- I wouldn't be able to leave. And I need to leave, Eleanor. I need to get out of this town. Out of this fucking country."

"You won't at least say goodbye?"

"I can't," she croaked, shaking her head. She tightened her grip on the top handle of her suitcase as she brushed over her cheeks with her sleeve and walked toward the front door. "I just need to slip out now. No fuss."

Asher pulled the front door open, automatically taking a step backwards in surprise when she saw five glum faces on the other side of it. Liam and Niall were standing on the top step, closest to her, which had probably been a strategic move. Niall was her best friend out of the five of them and Liam could get his way on anything with his sad puppy dog eyes. Zayn and Louis were on the step below them, Zayn looking rather apologetic with his hands stuffed into his jeans pockets and Louis watching her carefully, his arms crossed over his chest as he pinched his bottom lip between his fingers.

Harry was behind them all, standing on the bottom step with slumped shoulders and that same pitiful look on his face- the one she'd said she couldn't bear to see again. The other boys parted to let him walk up the steps between them and she took a few more steps backwards as he got closer. The others shuffled in behind him, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from him to look at them or Eleanor, who was somewhere behind her. He reached down to wrap his hand around the handle of her suitcase and she just stared up into his slightly bloodshot eyes, letting him gently tug it from her and set it on the floor next to their feet. His large hands settled tentatively on her shoulders and, taking it as a good sign that she didn't immediately rip herself away from him, he slid them up to cup the sides of her face instead.

"You can't leave like this," he murmured. "I can fix this, and I will if you let me. I know I don't deserve the chance after everything I've said and done, but I promise you I'll do whatever it takes. I'm not gonna give up on us this way. I refuse to."

Her bottom lip began to tremble and her forehead crinkled as she swallowed hard, trying with great difficulty to keep herself composed. She exhaled shakily as a few stray tears leaked from her bleary eyes and Harry brushed his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe them away. "I love you, Ash," he continued softly. "And I'm so so sorry."

A soft whimper left her lips as she lunged forward to throw herself into his body and she held onto him tightly, her fingers grasping at the back of his old Rolling Stones tee shirt as she buried her face in his strong chest. His long arms immediately wrapped around her in return, one hand resting on her waist to crush her against him and the other cradling the back of her head as her whole body shook with quiet sobs.

Neither of them realized how tightly they were clutching each other, but the five people looking on certainly did. Asher didn't feel his hand gripping her hip so hard that she'd probably have bruises in the morning and she didn't feel the pull of her hair which was knotted in his other hand; she'd even lost the feeling in her fingers, left with nothing but tingling numbness as she clenched the black material of Harry's shirt so tightly in her fists that her knuckles were turning white.

She knew that things were messier than ever and it was going to be nothing less than challenging for them to go forward from there, but she couldn't even think of it in that moment. Every concern she'd just shared with Eleanor and every negative feeling she'd had toward Harry in the past week just went completely out the window; nothing else mattered but the smell of his cologne filling her nose and the steady thump of his heart under her cheek and the feather light kisses he was pressing into her hair. "Please don't leave me," he whispered, and she knew as she reached up to tangle her fingers in the back of his soft curls that she couldn't go even if she wanted to.

Which she didn't anymore.