If I Knew Who You Were

When I got home I was glad to see that my Dads car wasn't in the drive way, I didn't know if I could deal with him right now. I climbed out of my car and made my way into the house, running as fast as I could into Lindas room, who didn't even look at me as I approached her.

She handed me a piece of paper, without a word, and I noticed that at the top it was addressed to her. I looked questioningly at her but she just motioned for me to read it anyway;
Mum,
I want you to know how sorry I am for all the trouble that I've caused recently. You've alway taught me that I have to take responsibility for my actions, so thats what I'm going to do - and thats the main reason I was not going to let Mr Way kick you out as well. You've worked to hard doing what he says for all this time to just be kicked out because of me.

Speaking of Way; I want you to tell Gerard that he needs to forget about me. He needs to find a guy who will love him indefinitely, and won't keep anything from him, no matter how important. We could have been so much more if I'd have just been open with him about my whole history and I regret so much that I felt I couldn't trust him. In the short amount of time I was lucky enough to know him, I learned that he was a truly amazing person and he deserves to be the happiest person alive. After you mum, of course :)

The reason that I have left my phone behind, is because I don't want you to contact me and find out where I am. I made this mess on my own, and I need to sort it out the same way. I'm going to find myself somewhere to stay, as well as a job and I'm going to build myself a real life - and I'm going to do it without relying on anyone except myself. I want you to keep my phone on though, because one day; in maybe 1 week, or 1 year, I will call you and I will tell you where I am, and how I'm doing. I will only call you once I've succeeded in building my life properly, and I will not call you for help. I'm never coming back to the Way household.

I'm sorry that this appears to be the most selfish way to go about sorting out my life, but it's something that I need to do.

Please know, mum, that I love you so much and I'm forever grateful for still managing to make my childhood awesome, despite the situation you were placed in.

Frank
x

ps. One last thing that I want you to tell Gerard, is that I love him. I really do, and I wish we could have been more.

My eyes filled up with tears, and I read the parts about me over and over and over before I let out a strangled sob. I know you're all thinking that I'm over-reacting about someone who I technically didn't know for that long, and who also lied to me; but you my friend, have not met Frank Iero.

I sat down on what I assumed to be Franks bed, and just stared at the wall ahead of me. This was all my fault. If I'd never jumped to the conclusions of Lilly and Frank seeing each other, I would have never confronted him about it and Frank would have never been in the hallway when my father came through the front door.

Why did it even bother me so much? Frank and I probably weren't even boyfriends (I still wasn't 100% clear on what his answer was!) so if he wanted to see Lilly - then why not! I'm so selfish, and my selfishness has probably caused Frank to be sleeping in the gutter.

"Don't blame yourself for this, Gerard," Linda said, almost as if she could hear what I was thinking. "It isn't your fault and Frank understood that you would jump to conclusions would inevitably want answers,"

"I can't help but think it's partly my fault," I admitted, glancing across the room. "He's really not coming back?"

"I guess not." Linda sighed, before moving to sit next to me, pulling me into her arms where I remained until my Father arrived home, acting as if nothing had happened today.