If I Knew Who You Were

2 months later; April 9th

Sunlight penetrated through my closed eyelids on the first day of my twenty-first year on earth. Birthdays always gave me a strange feeling in my stomach. It was like - every birthday I was getting closer and closer to something that I never wanted to be, but was slowly becoming anyway.

I never wanted to grow up, like most children, but I'm sure that when people get to the grand ol' age of 21 they accept it, and realise the perks. I will never accept it. If only I could get my hands on some damn fairy dust, and fly away to Never-land.

"Happy Birthday, bro!" Mikey said, running into my room and jumping onto my bed.

"Oft," I groaned, sitting up, tiredness still clouding my senses. "I don't know you were a stunt double this early in the morning"

Mikey just laughed as I collapsed once again onto the bed. "Don't go back to sleep, idiot!" He whined.

"Why, it's too early. And it's my birthday, I'll fly if I want to,"

"You can't fly if you're sleeping," came his smart-arsed remark.

"I can, and I will. Sweet dreams," I said, closing my eyes. I just heard Mikey chuckle, but he didn't exit the room, instead climbed under the covers with me.

"You're an old man," I heard him sigh. I opened my eyes to see him directly in front of me, staring back into my eyes.

"Asshole," I muttered closing my eyes again.

"No I'm serious. You're an adult now dude."

"Don't say it," I warned, playfully.

"D'you remember when we were little, and we'd always build those dens using mums best dining chairs and our duvets?"

"Yeah, she'd have a shit fit when she couldn't find those damn chairs," I giggled, opening my eyes and looking at my brother again.

"Ha, then we used a couple as a pirate ship, while we were playing Peter Pan..." Mikey started

"..and you tried to fly like Peter while 'thinking happy thoughts' and jumped onto a chair but the bit you're supposed to sit on fell through because those fuckers were so old. I'm surprised it didn't break sooner," I finished for him, causing us both to break out in laughter.

"I miss those days," he started, causing me to cock an eyebrow. "You know what I mean. The days where you can run around outside on the street screaming about how Captain Hooks crocodile was you chasing but people would just smile at you, and coo over your little games. Now if we did that, they'd just think we were mentally ill,"

"Who says you have to care what other people think?"

"You've always been like that. Not caring what people think of you,"

"I guess it's a trait that comes with being gay, baby brother,"

"I can't believe mum and dad didn't notice sooner," he laughed. "I knew from when I first found out what the fucking word meant,"

"Dad still doesn't know," I sighed. "I'm too scared to tell him,"

"Who says you have to care what he thinks?" Mikey said, matter of factly as he grinned at me, quoting me pretty much word for word.

"I say. He's pretty damn homophobic, and honestly, I do enjoy his income,"

"Move out. You know that Dad would support you,"

"Not if I invited some boyfriend to live with me and he found out,"

"I guess...I just think you should tell him," Mikey said flatly.

"It's not that easy,"

"I know it's not," He sighed, our conversation fizzling out. A few minutes went by in complete silence, and I could just feel myself drifting off into sleep again.

"Do you ever wonder where Frank is?" Mikey asked. He'd taken a pretty large interest in Frank since he'd found out that he'd been living under our roof this whole time with out us even knowing.

"Every single fucking day," I chuckled bitterly. "I...I just want to know that he's safe, I mean how do I even know that he's even still alive?"

"I'm sure he is Gerard,"

"How can you know?"

"I don't, I'm just an optimist," he smiled, which caused me to break out into a smile as well. Mikey Ways smile is just too contagious. "Gerard," He started, looking up at me with big childish eyes. "I just want you to know that if Dad kicks you out or something if you chose to tell him that you're gay...I'll come with you,"

I just smiled before pulling him towards me in a brotherly hug where we both remained before drifting off into a light sleep.

He truly was my best friend.