If I Knew Who You Were

I looked at myself in the mirror, ruffling my hair a bit as I glanced over my reflection. I was too vain for my own good, but I'm not planning to change any time soon. I leant forward so that my face was closer to the mirror so that I could see better as I did my eyeliner.
I remember the first time I used it, poked myself in the eye and everything! It was truly horrific. I got the hang of it quickly after that though, so it was all good.

Sighing, I thought back to the night before, and realized that it hadn't gone at all the way I'd wanted it too. I'd at least wanted me and Frank to be friends.

"Sorry about that," I murmured, realizing that the call had caused an awkward silence to land over us without so much as a blink of the eye.

"No worries," he sighed, not looking up from the grass that he was running slowly through his fingers.

"So, now you can answer me. Where have you been?"

"Just, somewhere Gerard. It doesn't matter," he snapped at me, catching me very much off guard.

"Sorry, I was just wondering,"

"Well don't" he growled, standing up. "Listen, it's late, so I'm gonna go in," he announced before scuttling off into the house. I just watched his retreating back, feeling slightly bad.

You know you sometimes you get that stupidly annoying voice in the back of your head? No?
Okay, well maybe it's just me, but I have this annoying voice in the back of my head, and it's practically screaming at me that I'm going about this completely the wrong way

Since last night, I haven’t had a clue what's going on. I don't know who's in control. My head is screaming at me that I'm doing the wrong thing, my heart knows it wants me to be with Frank, but some-how, some-where inside me, there's something keeping me away from him.

It could be the wall that I built around my heart. I'm so afraid of rejection, and honestly, Frank leaving was such a form of rejection to me that I had to build that wall around my heart or else it would have just followed him to - where ever he was.

I've been waiting for him for eight months, but now that he's back, I can't let him back into my mind. He'll fuck me up and bring me down all over again. I can't handle that.

A horn beeped outside my home, and I knew it must've been Matt, picking me up for our second date in a row. I smiled slightly at the thought of his sweetness. He'd ended up paying yesterday, and he's taking me out again. It kind of relieved me that I was with someone that appeared to have as much money as I did, but I couldn't let him pay all the time.

I decided quickly that I was going to re-pay Matt for what he did yesterday and ran to my bedside table where I usually kept my wallet. I opened it up and drove my hand inside it, pausing at the unfamiliar feeling.

Emptiness. My wallet was empty, well and truly. I hadn't had an empty wallet since practically birth, so where the hell was all my money?! I paused to think about when I last went shopping, and realized that my wallet had been pretty much bursting at the seams when I left the house, and I didn't even buy that much that day.

Confused, I glanced in the draw, and noticed that it hadn't fallen out of my wallet either. There was just nothing there.

I'd been robbed! I'd have to get my Dad to check out all of the people who worked here. It must have been one of them. I bet it was Kim. It was normally her who cleaned my room. But then again, she'd worked here for absolutely years and had never done anything like this. Maybe she was really desperate to leave? I'd talk to my Dad about it later, but for now, I had a date to go on.

* * *

"What’s up?" Matt asked as I sulked in the car on the way to where-ever he was taking me.

"Some asshole stole all my money," I muttered. "And I was gonna re-pay you for yesterday," I looked over at Matt who had remained silent, and he was chewing on his lip, looking almost nervous. "Do you know something?"

"What me? Why would I?" He said quickly, almost squirming in his seat. I just raised my eyebrow at him, and made a sound that let him know that I knew that he knew something. (Try saying that when you're drunk!) "Okay...I...I promised I wouldn't tell because honestly, I was a little scared-"

"What are you talking about?" I cut in slightly concerned.

"Okay, you know when you were on the phone to...Lilly was her name? Anyway, that guy...Frank came in, and just started going through your draws,"

"Wait, wouldn't I have seen him?"

"Dude. You had your back to the room the whole time. You seemed too stressed to notice what was going on,"

"Okay, continue,"

"Anyway, he pulled out your wallet, which had very impressive amounts in it may I add, and started stuffing money into his pockets. He saw me looking and told me that he needed it so that he could keep his apartment, and that, that was the only reason he came back. He said that if I tried to tell you about it, he'd find out somehow. I don't know what he would have done, but he's a pretty threatening little shit when he-"

"Are you serious?" I asked, cutting him off. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Matt nodded, and started chewing on his lip again.

"I'm really sorry dude. I should have stopped him but-"

"No, don't worry. It's not your fault. Ugh, listen we're still gonna go out, and you're going to make me feel a whole load better with the huge amount of charm that's usually radiating off of you, and then you're gonna take me home where I'll beat the shit out of that little asshole," I growled.

I still don't know what was controlling me to keep me away from Frank, but to be honest; I was glad it was there.