If I Knew Who You Were

Franks POV...shocker!!

“I-I left in November, I think...and I didn’t have anywhere to go. I couldn’t even begin to guess where to look for somewhere to stay, so I took some of the little money I had, and went to a small bed and breakfast for a few nights, just while I figured out my next move. I even worked there for a couple of mornings, just helping out in the kitchen just to make some money,” I started, looking down at my fingers before carrying on.

“I found a phone book, and I was going to call your house, because I needed to talk to my mum. I felt utterly stupid for it because I’d only been gone a couple of days. Anyway, I got curious about...about my Dad, because I’d always known that my mum kept his name. I’ll never know why, because they weren’t even married.

“I searched ‘Iero’ and found only one number, as you can imagine this isn’t the most common name in the world. So, I called the number, and my Dad answered. I told him who I was, and he seemed all sympathetic about what had happened and even went on to say things like ‘I should have never left you and your mother’, etcetera.

“He told me where he lived and that I could stay so long as I worked. I agreed instantly, because not only would I have a place to stay but I’d be able to make money at the same time, which would mean that it’d be easier for me to get my own place later on down the line.

“I arrived at this shitty little apartment in Newark and kind of worried about what kind of stuff my Dad did. I thought he was like a drug dealer or something! So I step into the apartment to see a blonde kid sitting on the sofa...”

”Frankie boy,” my Dad said as I dropped my light bag onto the floor of the apartment, twitching slightly as I noticed how much the floor trembled from just that small amount hitting into it. “I want you to meet your brother, Matthew,”
“Matt!” the boy had snapped, wiping his hand on his jeans before holding it out for me to shake.

“Turns out the only reason that Dad had left my mum was because he had fiancé somewhere else, and was only with my mum for a quick fuck now and again, and that’s of course where it went wrong...and I appeared. This woman that Dad was with was already pregnant, and Dad wanted to be with her more than with Mum...

“Anyway, this is getting irrelevant. The work that Dad wanted me to do was just simple things like a Saturday job at the corner shop and things like that. I realised pretty quickly, though, that they were making money really quickly, but as far as I was aware neither of them had jobs. I asked, and they explained that their main form of work was basically stealing money from un-suspecting people that Matt would befriend or seduce. They got more money than you would think out of it. It was a pretty good idea despite the fact that it was immorally cruel and was ruining people’s lives.

“I didn’t get involved, I didn’t want to be responsible for taking money from someone, and I couldn’t have that on my conscience. I swear I didn’t,” I said quickly, noticing the frown that was lacing Gerard’s features as he looked across the room into the dark corner, He didn’t say anything, so I just carried on with the explanation. “A few months down the line, it got to April, and I was writing a letter for you to send on your birthday. He asked who you were and whether you were my boyfriend, and I have no idea why – it could just simply be because I felt some paternal bond with him or something – but I told him everything about us. I thought he cared, and that he was truly interested, but as soon as I mentioned the money that your family has his interest switched. That’s when he decided to target you next. The day I came back was supposed to be the evening that Matt came. I was going to come and warn you, and to tell you not to trust him, but apparently plans changed when Matt was given a flyer to some college party. He saw you holding the same flyer, before nodding at ‘some chick’ as he put it, but I assume it was Lilly. He turned up, and instantly entwined his way into your heart.

“When I turned up at your door and looked shocked at the sight of Matt, I’m sorry to tell you that it wasn’t because you were with him. It was more because he got their first. I knew the charm he had, I’d seen him inflict it on so many different people over the months before that, and I knew that he’d have you wrapped around his little finger by the end of the week, and he did. It worked well, and I couldn’t do anythi—“

“You still could've told me!” Gerard chocked out, looking down at the floor.

“Could I? Would you really have believed me? Think about it Gerard, you were so happy with Matt, and you believed it was all picture perfect. You wouldn’t let yourself believe it. Everyone does it. They tell themselves what they want to know, and choose everything according to the perfect fairytale world.

“It got to a point where I couldn’t tell you because I was getting threats from my Dad as well as from Matt. I wasn’t even supposed to be there. I was supposed to be at the new house with Dad because he had to move. Got figured out by one of the neighbours so we had to make a quick escape,”

“So let me get this straight...” Gerard started looking back and forth between me and Matt. “You’re brothers?” we both nodded. “And you practically run a theft company,” he said, point at Matt who smirked before nodding. “You’re brothers,” Gerard repeated again, looking at the wall in shock.

“There’s more too it Frankie-boy,” Matt smirked, an evil glint flashing through his eye. Gerard snapped his head and looked at me, knowing that it had to be something bad if Matt was willing to use it against me.

“It was me who took they money,” I said, burying my face in my hands. “It wasn’t how Matt told it though. I was just...I just wanted to make my Dad proud. I didn’t want to feel like a mistake anymore—” I rambled on beginning to blubber like a child, feeling truly disgusting that I would allow someone as innocent and caring – if not slightly selfish – to be hurt by my irritating brothers and my thieving fathers ways.

Gerard didn’t say anything, he just stood up and walked out of the room, leaving me and Matt to sit in silence for a little bit.

“You did the right thing, Frank,” Matt suddenly said, a soft tone suddenly smothering his voice. I’d never heard it before.

“Why doesn’t it feel like it then?”

“Because now when you and Gerard end up getting together, you won’t have that huge fucking guilt weighing down on you every time you’re with him,”

“When Gerard and I are together,” I snorted. “We’ll be in some morbid parallel universe. If it wasn’t going to happen before, it defiantly isn’t now.” I sighed, casting my eyes downwards.
I heard the shuffling of feet, before Matt’s scruffy shoes appeared under my vision.

“I’m sorry,” he said, patting my shoulder lightly, before leaving the room.

I sat alone and in complete silence, feeling serene in the sense that I no longer had guilt screwing me into the ground, but at the same time feeling angry at myself. In some ways I would prefer to have the guilt as long as Gerard and I were still on speaking terms.