Maybe We're Just Having Too Much Fun?

The day of my audition finally arrived. It was nerve wrecking. I had on my black leotard and pink tights and my ballet shoes. I was on the fourth group and then number 16 to perform by myself. It was scary but listening to music helped a lot.

I finished my choreography and it was 6:45 at night. I pulled it through with no mistakes. Just standing in front of the staff made me even more nervous. They asked about my classes then thanked me for audition after answering. I wouldn't know if I got a spot in the a academy until they send me a letter by mail saying I made it. Great, something to be 'excited' and nervous about when the mailman comes.

I kept my mind occupied by going out. There was a new club opening up and once again, Vic invited me, not Tony.

Sigh.

I took my ‘boyfriend’ with me. He didn't want to go because he didn't want me to be around Tony since he knows about our little shenanigans. He still remembered Fourth of July and didn't want Tony starting crap with him. I still convinced him to go.

I spotted the guys in a small booth and greeted them all. I introduced Jase to them and he left to go and get drinks while Tony just laughed at me. Same old douchey Tony.

"Really? Him? Come on." He took a sip out of his alcoholic beverage. What was wrong with Jason? He has the hair and smile and the body going. I didn’t see anything wrong with him.

"Shut up. Like you can find me a better match."

"You're looking at him." He lifted both his hands up. I just smiled and shook my head to another direction. At least he was okay with me seeing someone, but I wouldn’t want him seeing other people and especially in front of me. So I know why he was being mean.

I started drinking one cup after another with Jason. I was nervous still about getting a spot in the academy, I really want to get in. Dance is an important aspect of my life. It's been a dream of mine tied with being a tattoo artist. I just wanted to receive that letter saying I made it. It would put a huge smile on my face and help me start a new life somewhere far away from the west coast.

Jason took my drink away and just smiled at me. "No more drinking. Let's go dance." He held my hand and took me to the dance floor. I saw Tony looking at me, he wasn't smiling, just staring. Pain.

We went to the middle of the dance floor and start dancing. And of course, Tony happened to feel like dancing also. I already knew what plan was brewing inside his head, but I didn’t stop him. A part of me wanted to see.

First, Tony 'accidentally' bumped into Jase on the dance floor. Jason ignored it the first time. Then, Tony started dancing with a girl next to us. I knew exactly what he was doing but I wasn’t going to show him that I get jealous at all. I’m dating Jason and I shouldn’t worry about who Tony takes home at night.

...but I do

Jason took out his phone then looked up at me. "It’s my sister. I'm going to call her back," he informed me. "She's pregnant and she's due any day now."

"Okay."

He walked out the dance floor and toward the exit. I searched for Vic inside the VIP booth and I found him talking to Jaime and Jessica. I sat down next to Vic and Cara and initiated a conversation with them all.

"Hi." I smiled at them.

"Where's your boyfriend?" Jaime asked, with a smile on his face. He picked up his drink off the small table and drank some of it.

"He's not my boyfriend," I looked down and smiled. "We're just dating. He hasn't popped the question yet."

Tony came and sat next to me. "Your boyfriend sucks. He's outside flirting with some blonde chick. You’re better off with me." He placed his arm around me and pulled me back. I just rolled my eyes. I could feel the alcohol starting to kick in because I was talking more and cracking up jokes.

Tony started to give me a lap dance and getting all touchy and sexual. I didn't know why he did that but I just let him. I was intoxicated so of course I'm not gonna do anything about it but just laugh my ass off.

I then I found out why he did that. Jason stood watching from the entrance of the booth. He stormed over and pulled Tony away from me roughly. Knowing Tony’s temper, Tony got all up on his face saying shit. I didn't stop them. I was laughing with Vic and just watching. Vic was already gone and laughing his ass off with me. He put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him.

"Tony, Tony, Tony," he said and got closer to me so I could hear him. He was trying hard not to laugh so he can tell me something.

A memory from my first date with Tony popped in my head. I smiled widely and said, "Don't triple Tony him."

He looked at me and laughed when I smile. "You know, Tony's in love with you. He made us take his phone away so he wouldn't call you when you called a few weeks back.” I stopped smiling and paid close attention to the words coming out of Vic’s mouth since the music was loud. I was absolutely positive he just said Tony is in love with me. I may be drunk or buzzed but I knew what Vic said. Made the conversation more serious.

“I actually like you for Tony. I know about your guy’s bed adventures. Like who doesn't know?” He smelled a lot like alcohol. And I just forced a laugh. It was true and kind of sad that I was known as the girl Tony was screwing to all their friends. I didn’t like labeling but I know that wasn’t something to be proud of.

“You changed him though. His whole world was collapsing but you saved him. He needed this. He needed you in his life. I give you mad props for that. Cheers." He lifted his drink, still smiling like a drunk idiot. I licked my lips, still trying to keep that smile on, and put my glass up. "For....the fuck of it." Vic chuckled and we clinked our drinks together.

We started hearing pushing so we immediately got up and ran to stop them. Jason swung at Tony but Tony blocked it. Then Jason punched Tony in the stomach and that's when Tony tackled him on the floor. Before Tony can punch Jason back the security guards ran a d separated them. They were kicked out of the club.

"We gotta go get Tone!" Vic shouted over the loud music and began stumbling on his way to the exit. I stopped him before he fell on his ass.

"Let me handle it." I smiled at him. I was feeling a bit sober after hearing about Tony loving me and seeing him fight my date.

"Oh, I know what you're going to do with him," he winked and slurred his words but I could still manage to understand him. I started laughing and walked out the exit towards Tony and Jason. They were still yelling at each other and the security guards were blocking them from hitting one another. Also threatening to call the cops.

"Fuck you! By the end of the night, she comes home WITH ME! It's always been like that! Doesn't matter who she dates." Tony shouted to Jason and other inappropriate things that I will not mention.

I got to Tony first and push him away from Jason, covering his mouth with my small hand. He removed my hand from his mouth and continued to shout. "Now, excuse me while I go and fuck your girlfriend!"

Jason started to shout my name, telling me to go with him but I stayed with Tony. Tony was first. I have feelings for him and not for Jason. And Tony is a friend so I have his back.

"He's my best friend! I'll call you later." I shouted back and turned back around to face Tone. Jason got pissed off and walked away. "Will you stop the fighting?" I told Tone and continued pushing him away from the club to his car.

"I don't like that prick."

I smiled at him. "Ready for some hot sex?" I was holding his hand now and I put it around me. That calmed him down easily and I didn’t mind. I haven’t had sex with Tony in months.

"Well, of course. What else do you expect from me?" He said in a little kid's voice and putting his other hand on his chest. It made me laugh out loud.


Since our fight— before he left to tour— Tony never mentioned about ‘us’ ever happening. I wanted to bring it up but I didn't have the guts to. I actually saw us as one already but we weren't labeled. Just not yet. We practically lived together now. I spent most of the nights sleeping over at his place. And throwing up the next morning from getting drunk the night before. I drank a lot now with Tony around. I started to hate the taste of alcohol. And I also started getting high with him on a daily basis. Drunk sex and high sex was our thing. I missed being with him.

When Feena worked graveyard shift, he'd spend the night at my place. We basically had sex everyday. My breasts even started to hurt and I had headaches and back pain. He argued with me the nights I didn't want to. So I just laid there and did nothing, but that only got him more pissed off. I found it intriguing.

We went out to eat at the same place we always go to. I order the usually and he ordered something different. For some reason, after eating a few bites of my food, I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I don't even know what is going on with me right now. I never got sick from eating the same dish I order every week. The smell of alcohol gave me the sudden urge to puke again. I told Tony to take me to the doctor's to get medication for the food poisoning. I had work the next day and I wasn't going to call in sick because of the stupid food poisoning.

At the doctors, I laid down on the patient bed they had when they called me in. Tony waited in the waiting room. He didn't like being around doctors. Something about them made him uncomfortable and it always brought him bad luck. The doctor came in and looked over her clipboard. "Miss. Hernandez, everything seems to be just find. Your baby is healthy, and I'll leav--"

"MY WHAT!?"

Did she just say baby? What the fuck. Did she get her charts mixed up? Because I am most definitely not pregnant. There's a mistake here. I'm on the pill.

She looked at me with a serious facial expression and her mouth parted. "Are you aware that you're 5 weeks pregnant?"

"Five weeks? No doctor, I think you should check who's chart you have because I'm clearly not pregnant." I laughed nervously.

She closed her chart and turned it around and began to read the patient info on the chart. "Carolina Hernandez, Age 25, Date Of Birth: July 14th 1988. Blood Type O+..." She glanced at me and back at her chart. "Should I continue Miss. Hernandez?"

"P-Pregnant? No, that can't be right. You see, I'm going to a dance academy school for dancing and I take good care of myself."

She gave me a look and handed me an ultrasound. "You see that small round thing right there? Well that's your baby. Congratulations, you're going to be a mother. Now, as I was saying, I'm prescribing some medication for you...."

Everything started to sound like it was fading away with every word she said. She closed her chart and handed me a prescription and then walked to the door. I stare at the picture in front of my eyes. This is all unreal. I'm dreaming. This isn't true. How could I possibly be pregnant without knowing? I mean, I've been drinking and getting high with Tony like every fucking day. I even had my period! Oh my god.

No. No. No. NO!

I'm gonna beat the shit out of Tony and his stupid penis for doing this to me.

The doctor cleared her throat and I awoke from my profound thoughts and started to get off the bed table slowly. I hide the ultrasound on my back pocket as I made my way back to the waiting room, slowly. Tony stood up from his chair and made his way to me.

"You okay?"

No. I'm fucking pregnant with your kid. Does it look like I'm okay? If only I could say that to him. I grabbed his arm and took him outside.

"What happened? Are you allergic to something in the food?"

I placed my hands on my head, gripping chunks of my hair. This isn't really happening. I really need to wake up now. Come on. Wake up Lina. This is fake. Your mind is playing tricks. I’m not really pregnant.

Tony tugged on my shirt, "It can't be that bad." Oh, you have no idea Tony. No idea. You, being a father? Ha! Even the thought of that made me laugh. "Some sex will get your mind off your sickness," he smirked.

I refused to tell him. He's not father material. He's in a band. He's going away for two in a half months again plus after that, they're touring other parts of the world. I'm never gonna have time to see him. He won't have time for his child. Maybe I can manage to lie and just disappear from him and everyone else and start a new life with this creature growing inside me.

No, I have to tell him. I'm not killing this baby, but I most certainly don't want it. Now I'm being selfish.

Fuck.

We went back to my place and he started to rip my clothes off and I just went along. I needed this. I needed to get my mind off this bullshit. If only having sex can make me un-pregnant.

Yeah like that'll ever happen.