Pallid

Celeste has finished every single crumb in every single nook and cranny of this apartment, which means that I need to go food shopping.

She doesn't like to go to food shopping, only for clothes, so I go alone and leave her in the apartment with some money in case she wants to order out or something. And I know she doesn't really need the money, because she always just has it (and I hate to think of where or what she gets it from) but I leave it for her anyway because I can and I'd feel bad if I didn't.

I grab a basket and try to read her chicken scratch list of what she wants and what she doesn't. I mean, I love her, I do, but sometimes I hate being around her. But that's mostly because she makes me feel like shit all the time.

I mean, all the time.

Take last night for example.

"Rhys!" someone whisper-yells. "Rhys!" I turn, only to see Rita and her peroxide blonde hair--a sharp contrast to her jet black hair from only a few days ago--and of course, Ulysses.

This is all so fucked up.

Ulysses is with Rita, who's cool and nice I guess, but a ditz. Rita loves him (because she's, you know, stupid). Ulysses is sleeping around with Celeste (because he's a fucking creep), who also loves him (for reasons I don't think I'll ever understand). I'm sleeping with Celeste, and I love her (because I'm stupid too). He doesn't love either of them and Celeste doesn't love me.

I think.

I don't know anymore.

Ulysses' lips curl into a smirk as he pushes his cart towards us. Rita hugs me tightly and invites me to another party eagerly.

She parties a lot.

Ulysses is all smug and 'holier-than-thou' and I'm weighing the pros and cons of punching him square in the face. I'm pretty sure he knows that I know about him and Celeste--I mean, the only person who doesn't know is Rita, but that's because she spends all her time partying and modeling and sleeping--and I can't stand to think about it.

I hate him.

I really do.

It's his fault that Celeste is the way she is now. I mean, she wasn't like that before. I know she seems like a total bitch, but she really isn't. Before Ulysses, she was sweet and kind and funny and wonderful and perfect. She was just really fun, you know? And it's not like she's not perfect anymore, because she is and I'll always think she is, but she's different now, cold and empty and tired.

It's his fault.

"Where's 'Leste?" she asks, frowning. "I haven't seen her around lately."

"Ask Ulysses. He'd know, you know, since they've been messing around for forever."

"What?"

His face falls and his eyes widen.

"Yeah. You didn't know? Celeste and pretty boy here've been doin' the deed for ages now. You know, making the beast with two backs, knockin' boots, all that fun stuff," I explain casually, looking him dead in the eye. His face falls more and more. Rita knits her eyebrows, confused.

"What the hell?" She whips around and looks at Ulysses, who looks as guilty as can be.

"Oh, you didn't know?" I make a small face, trying not to laugh. "Whoops. Well, that makes this really awkward." I shrug. "Well, bye. I'm sure you two have lots to talk about. See you at the party, Rita!"

She frowns some more and I walk away from them, because I can't stand him and because he has something that makes Celeste crazy about him and I don't have that anymore (or maybe I never did), whatever it is. I mean, I'm pretty decent, I guess, I don't hit her and I don't yell at her and I don't treat her like dirt and I knew her first, I loved her first, I was her first.

I don't understand anything anymore.