Pallid

For money, I paint and draw and sometimes I sculpt. Sometimes. Not frequently, because I'm not a big clay fan and the project just ends up becoming long and tedious and just annoying and my sculptures just never come out the way I want them to anyway, so I just stick to my old brush and charcoal and tend to shy away from that infernal clay.

Lately, the focus of all my work has been Celeste.

It's pathetic in a twisted sort of way, because she doesn't care for it and ignores me completely while I try to paint or draw her or whatever. But it's the only thing that actually pays me well enough so that I don't have to work some stuffy nine-to-five.

And tonight, for once, I'm actually being showcased at a gallery. I mean, it's important because, you know, I might actually sell some of these instead of just have them be a painful reminder of things and how screwed up they are. And if I sell them, I'll have money, which is pretty good I guess.

Kind of need it to eat and pay for stuff, you know.

Celeste is lying upside down on the bed, her hand in a bag of candy. Her hair is brushing the floor. She's wearing one of my shirts (she never wears any of her own clothes any more and I don't care because I like her in pretty much everything) and some underwear and a pair of knee high white socks that have stripes near the knee. The rainbow is peeking out from under her shirt. She throws a couple of gummy bears into her mouth, staring at me as a stack canvasses near the door.

"Are you gonna be late tonight?"

"Why?"

"I thought we could do something fun after your showcase thing, like... catch a film or whatever, you know? We haven't done that in a while." She sighs. "But if you're going out with all your fancy friends or whatever, it's cool. Wouldn't wanna mess up your night or somethin'."

I actually already have plans to go out with some friends (they all think Celeste is eclectic or eccentric or something) and have hopes to unwind, but who am I to pass up a night with Celeste?

"No, no, it's okay. We can go out."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really," I laugh. "We'll do whatever you want." She smiles and turns on the TV, watching it as she eats more candy. After stacking up my canvasses, I change into something that looks 'artsy' (that's what Celeste calls it) and get ready to go. She sits up when I start looking for my car keys, walking over to me. She pulls my face down and messes up my hair and pulls away.

"Have fun."

I sell some of the paintings and drawings, and had it not been for the looming promise of a night with a sober Celeste, I would be over the moon. But I'm too distracted trying to make the night just end already so I go home to get too excited about it, and when my friends wish me congratulations, all I can do is mumble an anxious, "Thanks."

When the night ends, finally, I leave with a little over a thousand dollars, which really isn't that bad, considering the fact that I practically blew almost every potential buyer off. I can't get to my apartment fast enough.

"Celeste!" I exclaim, walking through the door. "I'm--" I stop myself short, letting my shoulders and face fall as I take in the empty apartment. She's nowhere to be seen. Her boots and army coat are gone, meaning that she's out for the night. She's probably with him again. "--home," I finish lamely, shutting the door behind me.