Stand And Be Strong

I didn't even know what to do with myself. I mean, what could I do? I had promised Casey that I would act like I didn't know, so it's not like I could confront him about it.

I had known Dan Flint for months. Or at least, I thought I did. He had lied to me about everything. He was in a band, a popular band, called You Me At Six. He would be gone for months at a time on tour. I still can't figure out here he was planning to hide that from me. He'd probably make something up about a 'vacation'. I guess I’d find out soon though, he was supposed to leave in a next week. He hadn’t even told me.

I trusted him. I told him things no one else knew. He knew all about me, but he feels like a stranger to me. Last night, after Casey had told me all this, about Tracy living with him and the band and the touring, I was angry with him, so I called Lucas. I asked him if he wanted to hang out today around noon and he agreed to meet me. Now that I think about it, the whole idea was foolish. Dan wouldn't care who I went out with, so calling Lucas just to spite Dan was a stupid idea. I felt bad about backing out the last minute, so now I was getting ready to meet him. This was going to be a long day.

I didn’t dress up; I just put on skinny jeans and a tank top with a hoodie. When I got to his car, I was relieved that he was dressed similarly, jeans and a sweatshirt. We went to the park and walked around for a bit and then we went to get some food. The restaurant he chose was the same one where I met Max and the rest of the guys. He really was a nice guy. He was funny and he was good at keeping the conversation going. He drove me home and walked me up to my apartment after we finished eating. He hugged me goodbye and just as I thought he was leaving he turned around to say something.

“Do you want to go out sometime? Like as a date or something?” he asked nervously.

Dan popped into my head. I wondered if he would be jealous or if he would even care. Then I wondered if I would care. Of course I would. I was mad at him, but I had pretty strong feelings for him. I had been trying to put them behind me, but I hadn’t made much progress. I decided it wasn’t fair to lead on Lucas, went he didn’t really stand a chance against what I felt for Dan.

“I don’t… know if that’s such a good idea…” I stumbled on my words. I felt awful letting him down, but I was trying to do what’s best for him.

“Oh okay.” He nodded, then after a moment he spoke again, “Is... Is there someone else or... Do you just not like me like that?”

“There’s kind of someone else. It’s complicated” I told him. It wasn’t all that complicated, but I didn’t really want to talk about it now. Dan was probably over at Max’s, which was just across the hall. Either one of them could walk out of there any second.

Lucas nodded. He understood which made me feel better. “Maybe another time then, yeah?”

“Yeah. Definitely.” I gave him a smile before entering the apartment. I could hear Casey talking on the phone in her bedroom. I didn’t go in and say hello. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone anymore. Once I thought about Dan in the hall, it seemed impossible to get him out of my head. Worse than that, I couldn’t get rid of the thought of him with Tracy either.

It was only around nine p.m., but I wanted to sleep. I took a few pills that would help and buried myself in blankets.

I didn’t hear anyone come in, so I was shocked the next morning when I walked into the kitchen for food and the boys of You Me At Six were playing video games with Casey in my living room. I didn’t want to talk to Dan, in fact I was still mad at him for lying to me about everything, but Casey made me promise her that I had to pretend I didn’t know. I sat down in a chair on the other side of the room from him and said hello to everyone. I avoided eye contact with him and instead I was talking to Josh when it wasn’t his turn to play. We had been getting along better now ever since we hung out.

The six of them had been taking turns playing video games for what seemed like forever, though it had really only been two hours. I could see Max and Chris were starting to get bored too, but that was most likely because the two of them had lost the most games. Josh had stopped paying attention long ago and he and I retreated into the kitchen so we could talk without having to yell over the sound effects.

"What do you mean you said 'no'! What have you got to lose? Just go out with the bloke" he said. I was trying to think of something to tell him without letting him know about when I heard a voice from behind me.

"What bloke?" speak of the devil. There was Dan with his eyebrows furrowed. I didn't expect him to be there and I didn't know what to say, thankfully Josh filled the silence for me.

"When we went to the mall she met a bloke she likes but she won’t go out with him"

"His name is Lucas" I chimed in. Dan didn't say anything, but he did smile. If I didn't know better, I'd say he looked jealous. But he had a gorgeous redhead girl waiting at home for him, he couldn't have been.

Josh shook his head at us and left us alone. Dan took his seat beside me and we were left in an awkward silence. Neither of us seemed to want to bring up the girl. "Do you want to go somewhere?" he asked after a little while.

"Where?"

"I don't know just..... Away for a while."

"Yeah" I nodded. I love it here in Surrey, but recent events have left me dying to get away from this town, just for a little while. I was stressed out from everything. Since we moved here, we had been working to set up the apartment and once that was done it was like a never ending string of things that were going wrong. I wasn't supposed to fall for Dan. I wasn't supposed to be feeling so jealous of his redhead. I wasn't supposed to know these things I shouldn't know. I wanted to take a break. Maybe going away for a few days with Dan was just what I needed. Even after what I found out, I still trusted him and though I was upset, he was still one of my closest friends. i felt safe when i was with him and we always had fun together.

"Really?" he asked with a wide smile. His face seemed to light up when I said yes. I think he needed a little time away too. "I'll pick you up in an hour?" he asked. I nodded again and he told me to bring a small bag before he left for his own apartment.

I felt like a teenager. I know i technically still am, but it felt like the kind of thing I should have done years ago. You're supposed to be living it up while you're young but I felt I had to grow up quickly. It might not seem like a big deal, but I was too young when I left my parents. I'd never admit that to them though. Instead of partying and coming home to a loving family, I was having a quiet get-together with the boy across the hall and his friends and coming home to an almost empty apartment. I was still only eighteen. I guess that’s why I said yes without a second thought. I think I owed it to myself to do something spontaneous and out of the blue, just because I felt like doing it.

I went into my room with a smile on my face. I took a super quick shower and threw some things in a bag while I waited for my hair to dry. I had finished getting dressed and doing my makeup just in time.

I threw on my vans and went downstairs to Dan's car. "Where are we going?" I asked him once I was in the car.

"Wherever the road takes us"