The Reckless and the Brave.

I took exactly 3 days until Mandy had enough of my sulky behavior. “Goddammit Alex, really?” She shouted suddenly, making me jump a little. “It’s just a girl for godsakes!” “I know! Believe me, I know! I just can’t seem to get her out of my head.” I yelled back. “Why not?” Mandy asked in softer voice. “I don’t know.” I shrugged.

I looked up at the clock. “I should go.” Mandy nodded. “See ya in a bit, have fun with Doctor Mom.” Mandy chuckled. Mandy always called the clinic’s psychiatrist ‘Dr. Mom’, because she reminded her of she thought the way a mother should be. Dr. Mom, or Samantha for most people, was a kind woman in her late forties and was very good at her job.

I liked her, but hated the sessions. I didn’t wanna talk about my problem even though I knew it was part of the process. I needed to talk about it, figure out the reason behind my addiction, otherwise I would never fully recover, or so they told me. Chuckling softly to myself I thought back at the previous session I’ve had. I’d refused to talk during the first week. I just sat in her office for 1,5 hours, staring out of the window, while she was working on a crossword puzzle.

The second week was a little better, we made small talk mostly, but I still didn’t feel like opening up to her. The third week I started tell her about Mandy and my thoughts about the clinic. Samantha mostly just listened, sometimes asking question. She seemed to be truly interested in what I had to say and it was nice to have someone there to just listen to what I had to say.

After that third week I started opening up more and more, I told her about my friends, the band, life on the road and sometimes even things that bothered me. I wasn’t ready to tell her the stuff that went on in the more darker corners of my mind, but I had a feeling I would probably tell her sooner or later.

I knocked on the door of her office. “Come in.” She spoke and I opened the door. “Ah, good morning Alex.” She smiled. “Good morning.” I said and sat down. “So tell me how was your weekend?” I wondered if I should tell her about the girl, but decided against it. It was better for both the girl and myself if I didn’t tell that to anyone, Mandy not included of course.

“Good.” I said. “Better than usual, I mean I haven’t been throwing tables around.” I chuckled. Samantha laughed. “Yes, that’s very good indeed. So you’re not angry anymore about being her?” I thought about that for a second. “No, at least I don’t think so. I mean it’s not my favorite place in the world, but I needed this. My friends were right.” Samantha nodded. “Good, very good. That’s progress right there Alex, keep it up.” I gave her a half nod, half shrug kinda gesture, not sure what else to do.

“So any other news?” She asked, writing something down on the piece of paper in front of her. “I think my friend Jack is crushing on Mandy.” I said, laughing a little. “Mandy?” Samantha frowned. “Amanda.” I corrected quickly. “Oh yes, Amanda.” Samantha said, a hint of amusement in her voice. “Jack you say… Interesting couple…” She mused. She’d met Jack a little while ago when he’d came to visit me.

“And how do you feel about that?” She asked, scribbling something on the paper again. “Happy for them, I guess. It’s a little weird I suppose, but somehow I can see it work out between them when she gets out. Although I don’t know if he’d be a very good father figure for Ben, pretty sure he’ll be more like a big brother.” I said, half lost in thought. Samantha laughed softly, but made no comment. “And what about you Alexander? Met anyone in here?” She sounded almost teasing. I laughed and shook my head. “No, not really.”

I spent the next hour talking about past relationship I had, the break ups and every emotion I’d felt during each process.
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I looked at the clock. The red numbers indicated it was close to midnight, but I couldn’t sleep. Images of the girl had kept my up for days now and tonight was no exception. Fed up with another night of tossing and turning I got up and quietly opened the door. I suddenly felt an incredible urge to go outside. I peeked outside the room and saw the hallway was deserted.

I silently closed the door behind me and crept down the hallway towards the main hall. I was about to open the door to the gardens when I heard a soft noise coming from behind me. I looked around I saw that the door of the closet with cleaning supplies was open, but there was no light on. I guess I should have known better, but my curiosity got the best of me. I silently inched my way towards the door and glanced inside.

In the dim light of the moon I could see a figure sitting on the floor. I took a step closer and realized it was a girl. I took another step closer. “Are you okay?” I asked softly, trying not to scare her. Her head shot up and when she saw me she wrapped her arms tighter around herself. I kneeled down in front of her and she seemed to calm down a little.

“It’s okay. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” I put a hand on her shoulder and she froze again. Her eyes were full of terror and she started hitting and kicking me. I quickly moved backwards and she started throwing random things at me. “Ouch!” I yelped when a small bucket hit my leg. “Fuck. Ouch. Stop! I.. dammit! I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry!” I yelled, but the girl was out of control. She seemed to be absolutely terrified.

Suddenly the lights in the hallway went on and a confused looking Cindy appeared. She saw me standing in the door way. “Mr. Gaskarth what on earth are you doing here in the middle if the night!” She demanded. I opened my mouth to answer, but that was when she saw the insane and terrified girl. “Oh dear…” She mumbled. “Alex stay there, I need to take care of her first.” She slowly approached the girl who started hitting and kicking the second she came too close. Cindy however remained calm and managed to get a hold of the girl’s arms. She was softly talking to her and the girl seemed to relax just a little bit. Cindy pulled a syringe out of her pocket and stabbed it in the girls arm.

The girl’s body went slack and two other nurses who’d came to help Cindy picked her up. It wasn’t until that moment I realized who she was. It was the same girl I hadn’t been able to get out of my mind for days now. It was the same girl that had been standing behind the window a few days ago. I watched as they carried her towards the doors I knew led to the South Wing.

Once the doors closed behind them I turned to a angry looking Cindy. “Explain.” She demanded. “I… I’m sorry.” I mumbled. “I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a walk. I saw the door was open and I saw her sitting on the floor. I just wanted to make sure she was okay. She seemed fine at first, but she freaked out all of a sudden.” I realized how sad and defeated I sounded. “She’s been through a lot Alex, you couldn’t have know.” Cindy replied, her voice a lot softer and kinder than before. “You go back to bed. I’ll just give you a warning this time, but if I catch you out of your room again after curfew there will be consequences.” I nodded. “Can I ask you something first?” Cindy hesitated but agreed. “She’s a patient from the South Wing right?” “Yes she is and before you ask no, I can’t tell you why she’s in there.” I nodded, already expecting that. “But can you tell me her name?” I begged.

Cindy sighed. “Summer, her name is Summer.”