Love Me Tender

I didn't take a breath until I was in my car and speeding out of the parking lot. He noticed me. He knew I was here. I let out a scream and hit my steering wheel at all the red lights, not caring who saw. I got into my apartment and straight to my room. I laid down on my inviting bed and began to sob.
I wasn't sure why I was crying, they were tears of anger for the most part, with some tears of sadness for Alex. The walls I put up that shut out my feelings for Matt crumbled, like I knew they would eventually. You never really know how much you actually miss someone until they’re put back right in front of you I guess. I caught myself staring at the ceiling as my mind played memories of our friendship.
My phone started buzzing, the caller ID telling me it was Maddie, I answered. “Raychel we need to take,” said a voice that didn’t belong to Maddie. Matt. I jumped up in my bed, causing a rush to go to my head.
“Ma-Matt,” I mumbled in response, shifting nervously under my sheets. “What do you want?” I asked lamely.
“Can I come over?” he asked slowly, trying to not step on my toes. I let out a shaky breath.
“I don’t know if I’m ready…” I trailed.
“Neither do I,” he said with a bit of a sting. It was obvious that neither of us had healed well from our last encounter. I wanted nothing more than to become friends, maybe more, with Matt again, but the stubbornness in me wasn’t going to allow it that easy. Hopefully Matt understood that.
“Look, Matt, I’m really busy lately, I don’t think I have the ti-“
“Oh don’t give me that bullshit, Raychel,” he spouted angrily. I was surprised, but not really. Matt never was really good at hiding his feelings, for better or for worse. I tried not to get frustrated at him, because I knew he deserved to be angry at me. I let out a tight sigh and closed my eyes.
“Matt I can’t deal with this right now; we can try again sometime later. Just not now,” I confessed. There was a long pause on the other line and then a sigh.
“Fine. But I’m holding you to that, Raych,” he replied. I felt some of the pressure alleviate from my shoulders. He hung up without saying goodbye and my ego took another blow. I started at my sheets and worried if me and Matt would ever be the same.
Around six p.m., I was cooking my dinner and the doorbell rang. I wasn’t expecting company, so I walked towards the door slowly, but when I looked the peephole, but I couldn’t see anything. It was like someone was covering it with their hand. I bit my lip. “Matt go away” I said bluntly. I heard his laugh from the other side.
“I really need to talk to you, squirt, we’re practically working together now, we can’t avoid each other forever.” He explained.
“Yes we can…” I mumbled.
“No we can’t.” he replied. Damn him. I rolled my eyes as I opened the door. I had to hold my breath to keep myself from making a noise I would regret. He looked even better then he did when I saw him earlier. His beard was at the scruff stage, and his eyelashes were thicker than usual, making his hazel eyes pop. He’s come a long where from flannel shirts and sweatpants that’s for sure.
I tried to regain my composure before he noticed, but failing, he was smirking at me and I just started at him with a hard expression.
Damn him.
“So…lets talk.” He said inching closer to me, raising the tension. He wanted to make me crack.
“You never did like to play by the rules did you,” I accused. His smirk widened as he shook his head like a five year old. Fine. He wanted to play games instead of talk, then game on. I walked over back to the kitchen to check on my food, feeling him follow me. I tried to reach for a plate but couldn’t, I felt his frame topple over mine and get it for me. “Thanks,” I trailed, my breathe short and cheeks flushed. ‘Stay focused Raychel what are you doing!’ my brain yelled. I shook my head calming myself.
“Anytime…friend,” he said lowly, his voice raspy, my knees were weak. I am not going to crack, I am not going to crack, I kept repeating over and over. I made sure to separate myself as much as I can from him, the electricity too much. I felt his gaze on me the whole time. As I finished eating I went and dumped my plate in the sink. He was close. Too close. His hands grabbed my waist and he pulled me back into him.
“Matt.” I said sternly.
“Raychel.” He replied back, his hands moving up my arms and made circles on my shoulders. I will not crack. No. I turned around to face him, slapping his hands off of me, he looked surprised, but impressed. The ball was now slightly in my court and I had to take advantage.
“Stop it Matt. You know we can’t just start out hot and heavy like this. We haven’t said a word to each other to each other in three years. I can’t. We need to start out like two friends reuniting.” I preached. Matt looked at me with a bit of fir in his eyes. I could tell that didn’t satisfy. He started to lean in and just gently put his lips onto mine. My body was on fire. The room was spinning.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” he asked, leaning in to kiss me on the neck. I had no idea where this was coming from, earlier we were fighting and now here we are, in my kitchen, all over each other, but hey, like I said, Matt was never one to hide his emotions. He looked back into my eyes waiting for an answer. I responded by kissing him hard. I didn’t know what else to do but my heat and body wanted the same thing, my mind was the only thing left sane in my body because ii pulled away quickly.
“Yes. It’s what I want.” I said sternly, untangling myself from him. I knew I probably just sent the most fucked up mixed single to him, but I couldn’t just give into him like that. “I want a fresh start. I want to know the new and improved Matt Niskanen who is a defensemen in the NHL. Not the geeky boy from Minnesota who had an unfortune night with a stupid girl.” I finished.
He flashed a sad smile, but nodded like he was okay with it, and stuck out his hand. “Hi. I’m Matt Niskanen.”
I did the same, “Hello Matt, I’m Raychel, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” We shook hands and laughed. Matt then sighed.
“I’m not going to say this isn’t going to be tough, squirt, but if It means that I can talk to you again, I’ll take it.” My heart stopped and I felt like a complete bitch. I just nodded and kept my eyes on the floor. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him, slowly he leaned down and quickly kissed me one last time before leaving out the door with a simply wave. I went to my room and quickly got under the covers. Tonight confirmed my theory that Matt and I wouldn’t have the same relationship like we did before.
And it scared me.
“fuck me.” I bitterly said to no one, as I tried to fall asleep with a slight tingle on my lips.
This was going to be a long rest of my life…