You Could Save Me

"Noah! It's great to see you!" Caleb exclaims as he enthusiastically throws his arms around me, okay.. Breathe Noah.

"Caleb! It's great to see you too," I smile, I hug him back, grateful for some form of intimacy. He smells good, comforting even, as I resist the urge to snuggle my nose into the crook of his neck and inhale deeply. He let's me go and I blush right on cue, clearly embarrassed I look to the floor, staring at my worn out converse.

"We can walk to my house, it will only take a few minutes," Caleb explains as we set off down the street. In a completely infatuated manner I take cheeky glances at him. His hair is completely out of control today, silky brown curls bounce in a steady rhythm, I wonder what it would feel like to just grab a handful of those curls.. Stop Noah, falling will be pointless you'll be dead before you hit the floor.

He's wearing dark blue jeans and a patterned jumper. Honestly, he's adorable, I don't think I can take it. The only way I can describe seeing him is like having a sugar rush, I'm stuffing my face with sweets, greed and want surging through me, craving every part of him. Then after the high comes the sluggishness, heaviness, regret. Something so sweet can never be good for you.

"You look nice," he mumbles shyly, a cheeky smile dances across my lips. He eyes dart to mine, obviously searching for my reaction.

"Thanks, you too," I grin and he laughs, clearly relived from my positive response as we continue to walk down the street. It's a nice day, the sky is a clear, powder blue and the sun is blazing. The light catches his face beautifully, illuminating his masculine features, oh I would love to kiss that strong jaw..

By the time we reach his house my stomach is churning, I can't identify why. Maybe it's because I'm nervous, Caleb is perfect and I'm about to walk into his house and get to know him more. For all I know he could have been judging me this whole time. Or I could be the whole dying thing, I've been known to throw up the contents of my stomach on numerous awkward occasions. I wrap my arms around my stomach, praying that I can somehow contain myself.

"So this is where I live," Caleb laughs, I nod as I walk into his house instantly feeling completely exposed. It's beautiful, yet completely homely.I turn to look at the inviting sofa in the middle of the room, I can already picture me and Caleb cuddled on it, me stroking his hair as we watch pointless romantic comedies. Every now and then he will look up at me and I'll kiss his nose, he'll scrunch it in the most adorable manner and I will completely fall apart into his capable hands. Completely and utterly smitten.

When do you plan on doing this? You can't plan that far ahead Noah.

"Tea?" He asks, I smile and nod. He walks into the kitchen and I swallow what feels like a tennis ball sized lump in my throat. Caleb is heavenly, his whole body moves in the most sensual way, don't get me started on his backside.. He's rolled up the sleeves of his jumper, he looks a lot more casual now, relaxed as he obtains two mugs from the cupboard.

After a few awkward minutes of kicking off shoes and sitting as politely as possible on the end of his sofa, I finally feel comfortable. Caleb has slumped down beside me, our thighs are touching and my stomach is in knots. It does not feel strange though, it almost feels natural as I lean back getting myself settled.

"So, tell me a little about yourself Caleb," I start the conversation. He turns to me, those glorious green eyes of his staring intently into mine.

"Well I'm 18, I live with my parents and my brother, Hayden. I work at the infamous tea shop and every now and then I get to serve cute guys," he stops to laugh, clearly embarrassed before continuing. "I want to be a doctor, it's always been a dream of mine. I like cats, cheesy romantic films and cooking. I'm single.. A complete hopeless romantic.." He comes to a pause, his eyes are almost burning into mine.

A hopeless romantic. There is nothing romantic about lies, secrets, death..

"Cooking? Maybe you could cook for me some time," I mumble,embarrassment washing over me at my pitiful attempt to flirt with him. My stomach churns again as I steady myself on the sofa, I don't think projectile vomiting on Caleb would be the biggest turn on.

"Sounds perfect.." He mumbles and he blushes so hard. You see, ever since I found out I was dying people have started treating me differently. People care more, care too much. At the start I felt like I had been forced into this bubble, I was so desperate to pop it yet everyone else wanted to keep me contained, safe.. But I don't want to be protected anymore, I'm going to die either way. However, I want to protect Caleb and I want to care for him.

I can already picture it now, Caleb would come to mine after his shift at the Tea Shop. He would smell like coffee and freshly baked chocolate cake, absolutely heavenly. So I would take his hand and lead him upstairs, I'd peal of his shirt and trace my hand down his chest, stopping on his heart. He would kiss me so hard and I would explode, adrenaline, lust, need, want would flood through every single part of me. I would push him onto the bed as we scramble out of our clothes, those green eyes of his would be burning as I pin him to the bed, desire holding us together like superglue.

"Uuum Noah, why don't you tell me about yourself." Caleb urges, he seems a little flustered. A hopeless romantic? I can do that, I can come over to his house at 3 in the morning because he can't sleep, I'll hold him, let him rest his head on my chest as I cuddle him to sleep. I'll come visit him a work, sending him cheeky winks and grins when nobody is looking. I will love him stronger and harder than anybody else.

You're forgetting something Noah. The part where you die and break his heart.

I mean what the hell am I supposed to say to him? I'm Noah, one week ago I was diagnosed with a grade 4 astrocytomas tumor, known as a Glioblastoma multiforme. This is an aggressive , fast growing brain tumor. Combined with the fact that it's inoperable means that my prognosis is in the gutter. I have less than a year to live. My days consist of headaches, possible seizures and vomiting, but don't let that put you off. I'm actually a really nice guy.

"Well I like to chill in my ark mostly, hanging with the animals and whatnot," I giggle and Caleb bursts into laughter. Wow, he has the most addictive laugh, it's so pure and uplifting. Well that went better that I thought it would.

"Noah! We're supposed to be getting to know each other better," Caleb scowls, but he looks so innocent and adorable, I just want to pull him into my arms and never let him go. He's so easy to get along with, he makes me forget about everything, all my troubles just seem to melt away like ice cubes in a glass on a warm summers day.

"I know how we could get to know each other," I mumble and before I can stop myself I'm basically on his lap. My lips reach his and electricity slams through me, my whole body alive and tingling with energy as I awkwardly sling my arms around his neck. His lips are soft and inviting, he kisses me back tentatively, his arms securely around me.I'm breathing so hard, my head pounding as I pull away from him and become completely entranced in those green eyes.

"I'm sorry," I pant, feeling slightly foolish sat in his lap after throwing myself at him like a hormone fueled slut. His cheeks are pink, those beautiful lips of his slightly parted as he stares at me. Shocked, excited, overwhelmed? Who knows? I can already feel the guilt hissing at me, my stomach tugging hard, a warning. Fuck.

"It's okay.."

My arms are still around his neck and despite trying my hardest I just can't seem to let go. Right in this moment I want to tell him everything, lay out my heart and soul, come clean. I want to tell him how scared I am, how I'm not ready to die, I've barely lived. He's just so infatuating, I barely know him yet I can already feel myself falling, and I know hitting the ground won't be pretty. Caleb is sincere, heartfelt, lovely and I'm being so deceitful, it's cruel.

"I think I better go, " I mutter, embarrassed. Reluctantly I entwine myself from his embrace and rush to the door without saying goodbye. I know looking back at him would hurt too much so I slam the door shut without acknowledging him.

My stomach churns once more and I throw up in Caleb's pristine front garden. Tears are rushing down my face before I get the chance to man up and be brave.

You know, be okay with the fact that I'm dying..