My Family Doesn't Know

*~* A few months later*~*

Ray and I had the day to ourselves. Gerard and Frank had taken all four of the kids from us, and we'd get them back tomorrow morning - that is if Gerard and Frank could handle them that long.

Instead of being the romantics we are, Ray and I had decided to move furniture. Over the last few months we've slowly been emptying the office, preparing to move all the rooms around. Sammy would move into the old office, since she was older and we didn't need to run to her at all ours of the night, usually. The triplets would get Sammy's old room, since it was the closest to the master bedroom, and the basement would become the playroom and office.

Ray and I had a day to make this happen. Luckily, the office was cleaned out, and we just had to move Sammy's crib, rocker, and pictures in there. Then just move three cribs up to the top floor from the basement, along with all their stuff. That was the hard part of today, which is exactly why we saved it for last.

I carried down Sammy's rocker from the floor above, it being just a rocking chair, light enough for me to get on my own. I set it down in the room, avoiding Ray who was hanging pictures up on the walls. We had already moved Sammy's crib down here - she wouldn't sleep in any other, we had tried. I sighed, looking around the room, "Won't be long until she gets an actual bed," I said, grabbing a pile of clothes and placing them in the small dresser.

Ray finished hanging up pictures. There were some of all of us as a family, some of just the first three of us, and some of cartoon characters Sammy adored. He stepped back from the wall, "Done. You got the clothes hung up?" he asked.

I finished the clothes, "Yea.." Ray looked and laughed. "Hey dude, don't laugh at me!" I protested.

"You're such a slob. You just threw them in there!"

I frowned, "It's good enough. Not like it matters at this moment. Can we just get the cribs and stuff up and finish this. I was really hoping to sleep today."

Ray laughed, closing the closet door. He planted a kiss on my forehead and walked out of the room, I followed close behind. "Fine fine, but tomorrow I'm giving you a lesson on how to properly hang up Sammy's clothes."

I rolled my eyes as we headed down to the basement. There were three cribs, a changing table with a crapton of diapers, three small clothing chests, and two chairs we had to get up. So much fun, right?

"Well, should we do cribs last or first?" I asked.

Ray thought for a moment, scratching his chin that had a beard starting to grow. "First. We need to get them up to the room right away, so then we know we have room for everything else."

"Mhmm, true." I said. I walked over to one of the cribs, and Ray followed me, lifting up one end while I grabbed the other. "You wanna go backwards or forwards?" I asked over the crib.

"I'll go backwards since you'd probably fall and die if you did." Ray laughed and got a better grip on the crib before starting to walk backwards to the door.

We got the cribs up without too much of a problem. We had knocked a few pictures down on the staircase, but the crib was unharmed - and so was I, which was probably the biggest surprise of all.

We had one crib against the outer wall that had a window, then the other two on the wall opposite the door. I looked around the room, standing in the middle, "I don't know if we'll get both chairs in here."

Ray looked around too, biting his bottom lip. "I think you're right. We can put them in our room since it's right next door."

I nodded, "True. I think we can make this work." I walked over to the door, patting Ray on the back as I headed back downstairs to the main floor, "you want some lunch before we continue?" I asked.

Ray came down the stairs, "You can work on lunch, I can get the rest of the stuff at least up here."

"Are you sure? We can trade of jobs if you want. Or we can wait on lunch"

Ray nodded, "Yeah, I can do it. Plus, I'm a shitty cook and starving." He started to head down the staircase that lead to the basement.

Okay then. I headed to the kitchen, rummaging around in the kitchen cabinets. "Hmm, sandwiches? Or macaroni?" I asked myself, weighing my options. "I really want macaroni.." I mumbled, pulling out the box of noodles from the pantry. I filled a pot up with water, and I heard Ray coming up the stairs.

"God dammit," I heard him say. I moved and saw him carrying the changing table.

"Need help?" I offered. He shook his head.

"I got this. You go cook. What are you making anyways?" he asked, stopping at the bottom of the next stairs.

"Macaroni. Hope that's okay."

Ray nodded again, "Sounds terrific. Can't wait." He smiled and started up the stairs again.

I furrowed my brow, thinking something must be up. Ray just seemed different today, although I don't know if it was good or bad, but it was different nonetheless. I poured the noodles into the water and set the timer, heading back down to the basement. Ray had already headed back down here, and I saw him sitting in one of the chairs, holding a piece of paper.

"What 'cha got there, Rayray?" I asked causally, and he looked up, quickly folding the paper and stuffing it in his jean pocket.

"Oh, um...Just a letter from my parents. They said that my brother is coming to town for Christmas, and are hoping we'd have the feast this year, since their place will be a mess, apparently."

"Oh, doesn't matter to me. I just won't cook the whole thing myself." I smiled lightly, walking further into the room. "I have a few minutes til I need to get back to lunch, want help with anything?"

Ray shrugged, "Just need to get these chairs up now, the rest can wait. All it is are their clothes and diapers; we could easily get those later."

"Mhmm, okay. Shall we get these up, then?" I asked, crouching down to pick up one of the rockers, getting a good grip on it. These were a little heavier than Sammy's, but I could handle it. I hoped. I headed to the door, taking careful steps up and I set the chair down when I reached the main floor, out of breath. "Holy fucking shit, how did we get these down their?" I laughed breathlessly as Ray came up behind me, not having as much trouble as me, apparently.

I heard a beep come from the kitchen and I made my way there, leaving the chair and Ray, to go stir and drain the noodles. I was pouring the cheese in, when Ray stepped into the kitchen. "I got my chair up to the room."

"Cool," I said, grabbing plates out of the cabinet, handing one to Ray. "Lunch is served."

Ray took a big serving of macaroni, sitting down at the table, taking big bites out of it. I took a somewhat smaller portion, just because I wasn't all to hungry. I was about halfway through my plate when Ray spoke up.

"Mikey?" I looked up, "can I ask you a few questions?" I nodded. "Will you be completely honest with me? Even if I won't like the answer?" I furrowed my brow, swallowing quickly.

"Of course, when do I lie to you?" I asked, setting my fork down.

Ray took a deep breath. "When we were at the hospital when the triplets were born, and you said 'long time stalkers' referring to those people," I stiffed a bit. I hadn't expected this, but Ray continued. "who were they?"

I looked down, "Long time stalkers, like I said back then." I started to play with the hem of my shirt, a nervous habit I had.

"I know you're lying, Mikey. You're playing with your shirt."

I wiped my hands on my pants, getting all sweaty. "I always play with my shirt!" I protested, "it's a really interesting shirt!"

"Mikey. Tell me the truth. Please. I deserve to know, don't I?" Ray asked, and I made the mistake of looking up into his dark brown eyes. He was giving me a version of his puppy dog look that I couldn't resist.

"They...they were my parents..." I whispered, scared and nervous.

"Why did they act the way they did, then? Your mom seemed apalled that day."

I thought quickly, forcing myself not to play with my shirt or meet his gaze again. "She was probably drunk like she usually is, you know?"

"Mikey. I know you're lying." How the fuck did he know this time? "I know when you're lying to me, now tell me the truth."

I groaned, leaning back in my chair, "My mom doesn't know I'm married, or gay for that matter. Okay? She's a homophobe and I knew she'd hate me forever if she found out I was gay. I didn't want that to happen. I'd rather live a secret and be loved than tell the truth and be hated." I rubbed my eyes with my hands, tears forming in my eyes.

"Are you ashamed of me, Mikey?" Ray asked, his voice rising.

"No! How could you ever say that? I love you with all my heart!"

"Then call her up and tell her. Invite her over. Do something! Tell her, Mikey!"

I had tears streaming out of my eyes, "You don't understand, Ray! She won't love me!" I stood up, almost tripping over the leg of the chair in the process. I heard Ray stand to.

"Does it really matter if she loves you when I love you?" he asked, his voice lowering a little. I wiped my eyes, not looking at him.

"She's my mom, Ray, I just want her to love me...Please, let's just move on past this."

"I can't, Mikey. I can't trust you until you tell her."

I sniffled, wiping more tears away, "I'm not telling her, Ray. I love you, I truly do, but I can't tell her. It'd kill her. And if she knew Gerard was gay, too. She'd die of embarassment...She'd disown me, never talk to me again. Ray, I can't handle that." I moved out of the kitchen, leaving Ray behind. He followed me as I grabbed my coat and keys, slipping my shoes on as fast as I could.

"Where the hell are you going?" he asked, grabbing my wrist.

"Out." I stated, ripping my wrist out of his grasp, sniffling and wiping my eyes and I got in my car. He stood in the doorway and watched me drive off. I last saw him with a sad expression on his face, but I didn't stop. I kept driving until I got just out of city limits, pulling over and crying over the steering wheel.

"This is it, isn't it?" I whispered "he doesn't love me anymore, does he?"
No. my mind told me, he hates you for lying.

I wiped my nose on my sleeve, after what felt like ages of crying, straightening up. I started to drive again, leaving my town and my family behind.

*~*Ray's POV*~*

I watched Mikey leave, part of me dying slowly. I watched him drive off, standing in the doorway in the cold December air. The cold made my body go numb, and I finally moved back into the house after long moments of just standing there. Waiting. Hoping he'd come back.

Why did I do that? Why couldn't I just leave it alone?

"Because I needed to know the truth," I whispered, cleaning up the kitchen with tears rimming my eyes. I heard my phone ring from the living room and I answered it, clearing my throat before speaking. "Hello?"

"Hey Ray!" Gerard's voice said. "How's the moving of rooms coming along?"

"Uhm...just got a few things left to move up. I don't think we - I - am going to move the desks and toys down today. How're the kids? Giving you any troubles?"

"Well, we went out earlier. Sammy had ice cream, hope that's okay. The triplets are taking a nap right now, just fed them like a half hour ago. Sammy and Frank are watching TV. She really loves Yo Gabba Gabba." He laughed, and I forced myself to laugh a little, too.

"Yeah, she does...Hey Gerard?"

"Yeah Ray?"

"Uh, this may seem weird, but I need to get ahold of your parents."

"I don't think you should do that. Why would you want to do that?" Gerard asked quickly.

I sighed, "Gerard, Mikey told me and then he left."

"Why'd he leave?" I could tell Gerard was trying to avoid giving me their number.

"I told him that he had to tell your parents. Now, what's their number? Since Mikey's too scared to tell them, I will."

Gerard sighed over the phone, "Ray, think about what you're doing. You go behind Mikey's back like this, he'll be pissed."

"Didn't you hear me Gerard? He left! I have no idea when he's coming back, or if he ever will! Your parents fucking deserve to know how Mikey spent the last seven years of his life, don't they?" My tears were gone, replaced by anger.

Gerard was silent, but I could hear the sound of papers being shuffled around in the background. "Before I give you their number, which I guess I will, I need to tell you something. I told my dad that I was gay, and he said he wouldn't tell my mom. I haven't seen either of them lately, and when I call, they don't say much. I don't know if my dad told her or what, but I feel like my relationship with them is gone."

I bit my lip, calming down. "I'm sorry, Gerard. I truly am, but I still want to call them. I don't care what they do or say."

Gerard gave me their number, "Call at your own risk, Ray. I wish you luck. Oh, and what time do you want them home tomorrow?"

"Whenever, just call me first, 'kay?"

"Okay, bye Ray."

"Bye Gerard. Thank you."

"Don't mention it," the line went dead.

I had written the number down and I stared at the paper, holding my phone, taking a deep breath before I dialed the number.