Status: Inconsistent updates are most likely. Sorry, dudes.
Taking These Steps.
Emilee
It is simply one click away. A very simple, small movement of the right index finger shoving down a circular knob, as the remaining ones, as well as the others on the opposite, keep a steady hold to capture a moment for an eternity. This all while the person behind the lens can call action for everyone to gather around in any order possible with big smiles to offer a "happy memory". All hold steady in which ever pose they decide to take with which ever smile they decide to deliver to forever remain permanent either digitally or physically on glossy paper. Regardless whether or not any nasty words were being thrown back and forth between relatives or whether or not physical harm was being created, this was all put to a halt for an image that portrays happiness all around. In this perspective, doesn't that memory seem to be fake?
My heart continues to pound viciously against my chest like a mad drummer at a rock show, attempting to keep a steady pace with my heaving breathing and my foot work as I, carefully as possible, dart down an unfamiliar path. I'm unsure as to why I feel so much fear in me, but, I still don't see a good enough reason to take a break. My feet continue to stomp heavily and quickly hoping to see the trees stop and a road to begin, yet, nothing. More and more trees appear out of thin air at random spots and no matter which way I turn, the trees never end. My upper body occasionally decides to turn rapidly taking a look behind me to find no one is there, yet, the feeling of another still remains all around. Stop looking back and keep running my mind would belt at me in order to keep my feet at the pace they were before taking a glance. The split second after my mind would yell, my body would respond snapping back into place and continuing with the previous rehearsal. This is quite strange, I'd think to myself, why am I running? Why do I have this terrible feeling in my gut screaming something is a horrible miss? My feet grow tired, my lungs can no longer take it, and still, I can't seem to find the strength to stop running from the invisible monster. My mind only allows my torso one last swivel before beginning to strategize, and as my eyes scan the entire area I had left behind, something catches my feet. Slam. Face planting down onto piles of dead leaves, whom seem to have barely fallen down, nothing but pain aches throughout my entire skeletal, with possible internal bleeding and bones being fractured, the strong scent of this being my end roams freely and a, at first fairly faint sound that grows intense by the second. Using me as a center, this siren swam closer and closer toward me. An extreme earthquake slowly erupts from beneath me, the cracks of the ground widen, a light shines strongly, blistering my eyes.
"Emilee! Get the fuck up! Your fucking alarm is bloody annoying!", he said as his repulsive scent of breath awakens me instantly. "Now, get the fuck out of my house and get that ugly ass to work, I'm not the one writing your checks." he says while making his way through my door. "You're damn right you don't write my checks, that would mean your drunken ass would actually have your own money for fucking once!" I screamed back getting out of my bed and stepping toward my disorganized closet. It's much too early for him to have any energy to say or do anything back, therefore, for the moment, I'm free. But, that doesn't mean I can take my time to get ready for work. Grab a band shirt, some shorts and shoes to match it and quickly obtain my bag to jet out all as I calm myself from my dream. It was just a dream I continue to remind myself as I glide down the street, speeding as much as the lights allow me to do so. "You're just so and so miles away, you'll be fine" I repeat to myself.
Once arriving on the parking lot, my decent looking Mustang encounters a close enough to the entrance door and sets in gears to remain still until my arrival back from work. I dart, almost as quickly as I was running in my dream, to the doors of the mall and jet directly to open Hot Topic. As usual, I race for no reason, as I have now come across the fact that no one else arrived on time as they were scheduled to. In all fairness though, there was only suppose to be one other person in this early as me. All in all, half of the team being on time isn't too bad, is it?
I open the gates, set all the lights on and switch the radio from station to a mix CD my co-worker and I made a few days prior. I begin setting merchandise in their rightful spots and cleaning around areas which looked messy. And with typical timing by his side, just as I finished all the morning work, walks in the best friend with his trusty side kick, his guitar, who so happens to also be my co-worker, Andy. "Yo, what's up, Emi?" he greets ever so sweetly with a smile.
Andy and I have been the best of friends for as long as I could remember. He was literally the guy next door, which didn't seem like a bad deal when my folks decided to make the move. From day one he showed he cared about my being by protecting me after a small handful of kids decided to almost jump me; he squeezed through a pair of shoulders, placed his back to my face, and declared if anyone of them where to lay a single finger on me, whether it was kind or not, he'd have his way with them in a not so gentle manner. Ever since then, he has always been there for me. We were always tagging along with each other, and back in those days, when my parents seemed semi-normal, that was never an issue. If anything, they encouraged me to walk right next door the moment I'd wake up. I didn't quite understand the reasoning until years later when the secrets unraveled. As Andy and I grew older, our bond grew with us, stronger than the last year. And as we matured, we continued to hear from all how we would end up getting married, and for some years, that's exactly what I hoped for. What heterosexual girl would mind getting married to a six foot, brown haired, green eyed boy? He was always the shoulder I cried on, the ears to hear my complaints, the pair of hands to slide away tears from my face, the jokester who forever had a direct line to my funny bone. No matter what the situation or timing was, Andy was always just a few steps away. How can someone not develop feelings for another who managed to bring them up from the bad every single time. But, within time, I had to face the cold fact that, I've always been the little sister he never had, and I will forever be the little sister he was protective of. Although my mind could handle it, my heart took some months to deal with it longer. Nevertheless, I healed and switched back to the old perspective of how I saw Andy. Or at least, I believe.
"Oh, nothing much, dude. Just, ya' know, finished all the work both of us were suppose to do." I sarcastically announce walking from the back of the store to the register in search of my name tag. "Why, thank you kindly for picking up my slack, madam!" he bows down like a gentleman, springs back up slowly allowing a gentle grin to come across his flawless face as he reaches forward to hug my torso. We remain in an embrace for some odd seconds and release as I curtsey while saying, "Why, you are most certainly welcome, sir!". We exchange smiles and proceed to do our own tasks.
An hour or two fly by as Andy and I await customers to come by the cash register. "Think it's too early for people to be arriving?" he yawns, allowing his pearly whites to show as he makes circular motions on his flat, nicely toned stomach. "Yeah, go grab something to eat, I can handle the heat if anything sparks." I reply lightly slapping his sweetly formed tush out of the register area onward the aisle. "Ha ha, alright! Thanks, man. Do you want anything?" his first bass toned voice echoes behind him. "No, dude. I'm fine. Thanks!" I shout as he takes his last step out of the store.
Alone and bored with no customers to converse with, I find myself walking to the back of the store to look over all the merchandise for the millionth time. Moments after Andy's departure, a small amount of voices slowly increase in volume from behind me. "Hello? Is anyone here?" one of the voices projects into the air. That's my signal to stop looking at the clearance rack and attend the group of, what seems to be feminine males. I begin to proceed to the front of the store while looking down at the ground for any possible objects. "Hello, welcome to Hot Topic", I slid my head up to have the four individuals staring back at me, "Can I help you look for anything in specific?" I asked. "No, we were just looking around. We didn't see anyone in, so we thought we could take a few things with no charge." one of the individuals joked. "Ha ha, yeah, sorry about that. No one before you guys had walked in so, I was just checking some of our merch in the back that's on clearance. I'm Emilee and you are..", I point to each one, one at a time. "I'm Gerard, this is", he gestures to the tall guy on his left, who smiles behind his glasses and waves, "is Mikey. This is,", he gestures to the guy standing next to Mikey, who also smiles, flipping some of his curls out of his face and waves, "Ray. And this,",he then lastly gestures to the guy to his right, who shyly waves with fingerless skeleton gloves, "is Frank.". "Alrighty, well, if you guys find yourselves needing something, let me know, deal?" I receive nods and Thanks from all as they then scatter to their own ways in groups of twos.
With nothing left to do, I stand by the register staring down at the entrance in hopes of seeing Andy strut through, sipping on his to-go cup. It's only been a few seconds with this task and I already find myself being impatient. Where in the fuck did he go? The food court is just a few stores down with a slight left turn, it can't take him this long to get back. As my mind continues to explore the endless possibilities of Andy's delayed arrival, strong whispers emerge from behind me. One voice was very distinctive, Gerard clearly sounded frustrated over the topic of choice, but, the other voice responding wasn't familiar. Gerard didn't really give any of the other guys a chance to speak; the vocals belonging to Mikey, Ray and Frank were the mysterious one. I make a small swivel to the back of register counter and now facing Gerard, I offered a smile and scan around to come across only him, the other individual he was speaking with is now hidden somewhere. Fortunately for me though, Gerard continued to include the individuals name in almost every other sentence that sourly spewed from his mouth, casting it across the other side of the store, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Frank, seriously. Say something. She's pretty and I'm sure she thinks you're cute too. What's the worst that can happen?" he questioned Frank as he skimmed through the albums on sale. Pretending to be doing something can be difficult sometimes, but, luckily there was enough junk at the counter that I did get to organize and appear to be doing something productive for the store while ease dropping a bit on their conversation. It is a nasty habit to ease drop, honestly though, this only happens when cute faces talk about things that are along the lines of approaching a girl. Gerard then notices Frank wouldn't be replying loudly any time soon. Off he goes, searching for Frank as well as looking around the areas he passes.
"Hey, Emi! I brought you something." his arm wraps around my waist in search for a hug hello. "Oh, that's really sweet Andy! Thank you." I smile looking down at the bag and responding back to his request, I squeeze my arms around his muscular torso as tight as I possibly can. "Still pretty abandoned in here, ey?" he says looking around seeing the top of only four heads. "Yeah, dude. Well, except for four really good looking guys. The quite one is the cutest, I swear. Oh, shit! Listen!" my index finger points up to the speakers above us. It doesn't even take a split second for Andy to realize what I meant; he starts to tap his feet keeping the beat of the drums with a pen in each hand and using miscellaneous objects around us to use in substitute. I grab his guitar and begin to strum and follow along with him and the music above us.
"Holy shit, she smells like heaven. Been best friends since we were eleven. And, oh my God, I like her. Yeah, I heard you like her." he sang in my direction with my replying, "Baby, I thought that we had something. Compared to him, I'm next to nothing. And, oh my God, I like her. Yeah, I heard you like her.". We continue to harmonize with one another until the end of the song. As we finished playing the last notes of the song, we look up to learn of the small crowd we gained around us. After applauding and smiling, our crowd disperses onto the rest of the store, except of the first four who arrived.
"Wow! Your voices go so well together," the one named Ray said,"Are you guys in a band together or something?" he asked. "Thanks, man! But, um, no we aren't. Emi has been trying to convince me for some odd years now, but, I feel like it could back fire on us." Andy responded. "Yeah, I see what you're saying, dude. I use to have that fear for us too, but, we just grew even closer together." Mikey said. "Oh no, I get that that can happen. But, I just don't want us to be part of the category that ends up splitting up because they can't stand each other anymore. I would hate for that to happen to us." Andy says placing his arm around my shoulder. "Ah, well alright. We've gotta go get something to eat. Wanna join us?" Gerard kindly offers. "That doesn't sound too bad, but I just got back from eating and I brought her something, so, can we do a rain check with that?" Andy's arm had moved from my shoulder to my waist. "Yeah, alright man, that sounds fine! We should jam out together too. I mean, if you guys would be cool with it, of course." Gerard, still speaking from the side of his mouth, shrugs calmly. "That would be rad! I'm down. Andy?" I look up in hopes that he'll look down and make eye contact with me. "If you're going, then so am I." he smiles in my direction.
Once we exchange our goodbyes and numbers, the four exit the store. Andy, still holding me, watches the group leave and the moment he sees they have fully walked out of sight, his arms slides off me. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks looking around acting as if he is paying attention to the customers. "Do what?" I ask ringing up customers as I smile at them. "You know. Hang out with them." he greets another customer passing by, offering them any assistance they may need. "Well, why not?" I invite the customer to come back soon and turn my attention to Andy. He shrugs nonchalantly while replying, "No reason. Just. We will be carpooling together and we will be taking my car.". My right eyebrow rises with a slightly confused smirk. "Why, someone is being bossy today." I roll my eyes and sigh deeply. "Well, we don't really know these guys and I don't want you to get there before me, because we don't know what they're capable of, so, I'm going to be with you at all times. Safety first, Emi." he cups my chin up, grins beautifully and swivels around to a customer with a question.
Why Andy was being far more physical with me didn't make sense. Could he have possibly felt some type of jealousy toward them? Couldn't be. There was never a day Andy acted this way though. It is a possibility nonetheless. A possibility I shouldn't allow my mind to linger on too long or else my heart could be the one who is fooled once again.
Something isn't fitting into the puzzle well. But, then again, I do love a good mind bender.
My heart continues to pound viciously against my chest like a mad drummer at a rock show, attempting to keep a steady pace with my heaving breathing and my foot work as I, carefully as possible, dart down an unfamiliar path. I'm unsure as to why I feel so much fear in me, but, I still don't see a good enough reason to take a break. My feet continue to stomp heavily and quickly hoping to see the trees stop and a road to begin, yet, nothing. More and more trees appear out of thin air at random spots and no matter which way I turn, the trees never end. My upper body occasionally decides to turn rapidly taking a look behind me to find no one is there, yet, the feeling of another still remains all around. Stop looking back and keep running my mind would belt at me in order to keep my feet at the pace they were before taking a glance. The split second after my mind would yell, my body would respond snapping back into place and continuing with the previous rehearsal. This is quite strange, I'd think to myself, why am I running? Why do I have this terrible feeling in my gut screaming something is a horrible miss? My feet grow tired, my lungs can no longer take it, and still, I can't seem to find the strength to stop running from the invisible monster. My mind only allows my torso one last swivel before beginning to strategize, and as my eyes scan the entire area I had left behind, something catches my feet. Slam. Face planting down onto piles of dead leaves, whom seem to have barely fallen down, nothing but pain aches throughout my entire skeletal, with possible internal bleeding and bones being fractured, the strong scent of this being my end roams freely and a, at first fairly faint sound that grows intense by the second. Using me as a center, this siren swam closer and closer toward me. An extreme earthquake slowly erupts from beneath me, the cracks of the ground widen, a light shines strongly, blistering my eyes.
"Emilee! Get the fuck up! Your fucking alarm is bloody annoying!", he said as his repulsive scent of breath awakens me instantly. "Now, get the fuck out of my house and get that ugly ass to work, I'm not the one writing your checks." he says while making his way through my door. "You're damn right you don't write my checks, that would mean your drunken ass would actually have your own money for fucking once!" I screamed back getting out of my bed and stepping toward my disorganized closet. It's much too early for him to have any energy to say or do anything back, therefore, for the moment, I'm free. But, that doesn't mean I can take my time to get ready for work. Grab a band shirt, some shorts and shoes to match it and quickly obtain my bag to jet out all as I calm myself from my dream. It was just a dream I continue to remind myself as I glide down the street, speeding as much as the lights allow me to do so. "You're just so and so miles away, you'll be fine" I repeat to myself.
Once arriving on the parking lot, my decent looking Mustang encounters a close enough to the entrance door and sets in gears to remain still until my arrival back from work. I dart, almost as quickly as I was running in my dream, to the doors of the mall and jet directly to open Hot Topic. As usual, I race for no reason, as I have now come across the fact that no one else arrived on time as they were scheduled to. In all fairness though, there was only suppose to be one other person in this early as me. All in all, half of the team being on time isn't too bad, is it?
I open the gates, set all the lights on and switch the radio from station to a mix CD my co-worker and I made a few days prior. I begin setting merchandise in their rightful spots and cleaning around areas which looked messy. And with typical timing by his side, just as I finished all the morning work, walks in the best friend with his trusty side kick, his guitar, who so happens to also be my co-worker, Andy. "Yo, what's up, Emi?" he greets ever so sweetly with a smile.
Andy and I have been the best of friends for as long as I could remember. He was literally the guy next door, which didn't seem like a bad deal when my folks decided to make the move. From day one he showed he cared about my being by protecting me after a small handful of kids decided to almost jump me; he squeezed through a pair of shoulders, placed his back to my face, and declared if anyone of them where to lay a single finger on me, whether it was kind or not, he'd have his way with them in a not so gentle manner. Ever since then, he has always been there for me. We were always tagging along with each other, and back in those days, when my parents seemed semi-normal, that was never an issue. If anything, they encouraged me to walk right next door the moment I'd wake up. I didn't quite understand the reasoning until years later when the secrets unraveled. As Andy and I grew older, our bond grew with us, stronger than the last year. And as we matured, we continued to hear from all how we would end up getting married, and for some years, that's exactly what I hoped for. What heterosexual girl would mind getting married to a six foot, brown haired, green eyed boy? He was always the shoulder I cried on, the ears to hear my complaints, the pair of hands to slide away tears from my face, the jokester who forever had a direct line to my funny bone. No matter what the situation or timing was, Andy was always just a few steps away. How can someone not develop feelings for another who managed to bring them up from the bad every single time. But, within time, I had to face the cold fact that, I've always been the little sister he never had, and I will forever be the little sister he was protective of. Although my mind could handle it, my heart took some months to deal with it longer. Nevertheless, I healed and switched back to the old perspective of how I saw Andy. Or at least, I believe.
"Oh, nothing much, dude. Just, ya' know, finished all the work both of us were suppose to do." I sarcastically announce walking from the back of the store to the register in search of my name tag. "Why, thank you kindly for picking up my slack, madam!" he bows down like a gentleman, springs back up slowly allowing a gentle grin to come across his flawless face as he reaches forward to hug my torso. We remain in an embrace for some odd seconds and release as I curtsey while saying, "Why, you are most certainly welcome, sir!". We exchange smiles and proceed to do our own tasks.
An hour or two fly by as Andy and I await customers to come by the cash register. "Think it's too early for people to be arriving?" he yawns, allowing his pearly whites to show as he makes circular motions on his flat, nicely toned stomach. "Yeah, go grab something to eat, I can handle the heat if anything sparks." I reply lightly slapping his sweetly formed tush out of the register area onward the aisle. "Ha ha, alright! Thanks, man. Do you want anything?" his first bass toned voice echoes behind him. "No, dude. I'm fine. Thanks!" I shout as he takes his last step out of the store.
Alone and bored with no customers to converse with, I find myself walking to the back of the store to look over all the merchandise for the millionth time. Moments after Andy's departure, a small amount of voices slowly increase in volume from behind me. "Hello? Is anyone here?" one of the voices projects into the air. That's my signal to stop looking at the clearance rack and attend the group of, what seems to be feminine males. I begin to proceed to the front of the store while looking down at the ground for any possible objects. "Hello, welcome to Hot Topic", I slid my head up to have the four individuals staring back at me, "Can I help you look for anything in specific?" I asked. "No, we were just looking around. We didn't see anyone in, so we thought we could take a few things with no charge." one of the individuals joked. "Ha ha, yeah, sorry about that. No one before you guys had walked in so, I was just checking some of our merch in the back that's on clearance. I'm Emilee and you are..", I point to each one, one at a time. "I'm Gerard, this is", he gestures to the tall guy on his left, who smiles behind his glasses and waves, "is Mikey. This is,", he gestures to the guy standing next to Mikey, who also smiles, flipping some of his curls out of his face and waves, "Ray. And this,",he then lastly gestures to the guy to his right, who shyly waves with fingerless skeleton gloves, "is Frank.". "Alrighty, well, if you guys find yourselves needing something, let me know, deal?" I receive nods and Thanks from all as they then scatter to their own ways in groups of twos.
With nothing left to do, I stand by the register staring down at the entrance in hopes of seeing Andy strut through, sipping on his to-go cup. It's only been a few seconds with this task and I already find myself being impatient. Where in the fuck did he go? The food court is just a few stores down with a slight left turn, it can't take him this long to get back. As my mind continues to explore the endless possibilities of Andy's delayed arrival, strong whispers emerge from behind me. One voice was very distinctive, Gerard clearly sounded frustrated over the topic of choice, but, the other voice responding wasn't familiar. Gerard didn't really give any of the other guys a chance to speak; the vocals belonging to Mikey, Ray and Frank were the mysterious one. I make a small swivel to the back of register counter and now facing Gerard, I offered a smile and scan around to come across only him, the other individual he was speaking with is now hidden somewhere. Fortunately for me though, Gerard continued to include the individuals name in almost every other sentence that sourly spewed from his mouth, casting it across the other side of the store, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Frank, seriously. Say something. She's pretty and I'm sure she thinks you're cute too. What's the worst that can happen?" he questioned Frank as he skimmed through the albums on sale. Pretending to be doing something can be difficult sometimes, but, luckily there was enough junk at the counter that I did get to organize and appear to be doing something productive for the store while ease dropping a bit on their conversation. It is a nasty habit to ease drop, honestly though, this only happens when cute faces talk about things that are along the lines of approaching a girl. Gerard then notices Frank wouldn't be replying loudly any time soon. Off he goes, searching for Frank as well as looking around the areas he passes.
"Hey, Emi! I brought you something." his arm wraps around my waist in search for a hug hello. "Oh, that's really sweet Andy! Thank you." I smile looking down at the bag and responding back to his request, I squeeze my arms around his muscular torso as tight as I possibly can. "Still pretty abandoned in here, ey?" he says looking around seeing the top of only four heads. "Yeah, dude. Well, except for four really good looking guys. The quite one is the cutest, I swear. Oh, shit! Listen!" my index finger points up to the speakers above us. It doesn't even take a split second for Andy to realize what I meant; he starts to tap his feet keeping the beat of the drums with a pen in each hand and using miscellaneous objects around us to use in substitute. I grab his guitar and begin to strum and follow along with him and the music above us.
"Holy shit, she smells like heaven. Been best friends since we were eleven. And, oh my God, I like her. Yeah, I heard you like her." he sang in my direction with my replying, "Baby, I thought that we had something. Compared to him, I'm next to nothing. And, oh my God, I like her. Yeah, I heard you like her.". We continue to harmonize with one another until the end of the song. As we finished playing the last notes of the song, we look up to learn of the small crowd we gained around us. After applauding and smiling, our crowd disperses onto the rest of the store, except of the first four who arrived.
"Wow! Your voices go so well together," the one named Ray said,"Are you guys in a band together or something?" he asked. "Thanks, man! But, um, no we aren't. Emi has been trying to convince me for some odd years now, but, I feel like it could back fire on us." Andy responded. "Yeah, I see what you're saying, dude. I use to have that fear for us too, but, we just grew even closer together." Mikey said. "Oh no, I get that that can happen. But, I just don't want us to be part of the category that ends up splitting up because they can't stand each other anymore. I would hate for that to happen to us." Andy says placing his arm around my shoulder. "Ah, well alright. We've gotta go get something to eat. Wanna join us?" Gerard kindly offers. "That doesn't sound too bad, but I just got back from eating and I brought her something, so, can we do a rain check with that?" Andy's arm had moved from my shoulder to my waist. "Yeah, alright man, that sounds fine! We should jam out together too. I mean, if you guys would be cool with it, of course." Gerard, still speaking from the side of his mouth, shrugs calmly. "That would be rad! I'm down. Andy?" I look up in hopes that he'll look down and make eye contact with me. "If you're going, then so am I." he smiles in my direction.
Once we exchange our goodbyes and numbers, the four exit the store. Andy, still holding me, watches the group leave and the moment he sees they have fully walked out of sight, his arms slides off me. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks looking around acting as if he is paying attention to the customers. "Do what?" I ask ringing up customers as I smile at them. "You know. Hang out with them." he greets another customer passing by, offering them any assistance they may need. "Well, why not?" I invite the customer to come back soon and turn my attention to Andy. He shrugs nonchalantly while replying, "No reason. Just. We will be carpooling together and we will be taking my car.". My right eyebrow rises with a slightly confused smirk. "Why, someone is being bossy today." I roll my eyes and sigh deeply. "Well, we don't really know these guys and I don't want you to get there before me, because we don't know what they're capable of, so, I'm going to be with you at all times. Safety first, Emi." he cups my chin up, grins beautifully and swivels around to a customer with a question.
Why Andy was being far more physical with me didn't make sense. Could he have possibly felt some type of jealousy toward them? Couldn't be. There was never a day Andy acted this way though. It is a possibility nonetheless. A possibility I shouldn't allow my mind to linger on too long or else my heart could be the one who is fooled once again.
Something isn't fitting into the puzzle well. But, then again, I do love a good mind bender.