Speak Now

Flash Back

I was a junior in high school, I was young, born in the summer so I was only 15. I was 15 and never been kissed. I was 15 and by far the only virgin left in my city let alone my school. But as stupid as it sounds I was waiting to have my first kiss with Jonathon, I was waiting to lose my virginity to Jonathon. He was best friend and all I had or cared about and I wanted him so bad to want me. Being around him made me the happiest I could ever be, I would like to say that he felt the same way towards me but that just didn't seem so. He was a beautiful popular boy and I was his silly childhood best friend but regardless of that he took me to all the parties he was invited to which was basically all of them, if Jonathon wasn't at your party then it wasn't a party. It was November 14th 2003. It was a chilled night in Arizona and before entering the party Jonathon gave me his hoodie, which I gladly wrapped around me in a way of protection. We walked in and he gripped my hand keeping me close to him. I felt it in the weaving our fingers that tonight things were gonna change. I was giddy with hope. He pulled away nodding to the kitchen, He went and got drinks and I went and snagged us a seat on the couch, a prime spot. I was patient when it came to Jonathon, obviously but I was a teenage girl I wanted to get drunk at this party and he had not come back to give me my drink. It had been an hour. I pulled his hoodie closer to my body and I got up, pushing through people to look for Jonathon. I made my way to the kitchen, that would be the first place I checked. I broke into the room finding it empty of people save one boy. He was on the basketball team with Jonathon. I walked right up to him, staring up at him with wide eyes. where's jonathon? I asked. oh hey maddie he said and he handed me a cup of alcohol. he went upstairs a while ago he said. I nodded and took a sip of the drink, it was good. I headed back into the crowd maneuvering through making out couples, slutty half naked drunk girls and guys smoking until I was at the base of the steps. I sighed taking another sip of my drink before marching up there. I tried door after door, stepping into a closets, bathrooms and even a bedroom before settling my hands on the next door. I opened the door. Inside the room was pitch black but as the light from the hall swept in I could see two people, one of them was a naked bottle blond and a bottle tan girl and then other was none other than a naked Jonathon. I screamed. I ran.
"Maddie!" I heard him yell but I didn't turn around.

Present

"Maddie!" I heard him yell through my sleep.
I groaned, feeling a body on top of mine, straddling me, keeping me locked on my bed. I opened my eyes to see Jonathon. He was smiling bright and big down at me.
"Maddie! Guess what?!" He yelled, his voice rickashaying against the walls of my small apartment.
"What?" I mumbled trying to roll over away from him.
"I asked Jenny to marry me!" He said looking at me waiting for me to congratulate him when I didn't he continued. "And she said yes!" Jonathon yelled and on que Jenny broke into my room screaming and flailing her arms around.
"Yay!" She said as Jonathon hopped off me wrapping an arm around her waist.
I stared at the couple. They were a perfect fit. Jenny was tall and was a size 2. She had blue eyes and matching blond hair. She had a real tan and a real white smile. Jonathon was tall enough for her to wear heals and fit enough to carry her. He had brown eyes and messy dark brown hair. He had brilliant muscles and a wonderful tan from spending everyday outside. They looked amazing together.The couple had been dating for about a year now, Jonathon was going to U of A on a Soccer scholarship, he was the star and Jenny was going to U of A as well on a Cheerleading scholarship. She had gotten his jersey number for the big homecoming game and had ever since then. They were the ideal couple. They made each other happy and were a great couple. All couples on campus aspired to be just like them. I should be happy for them, I should be happy for my best friend but I wasn't. I was feeling that same gut wrenching feeling as I had on November 14th 2003.
"What?" I asked looking at them with my jaw dropped and my eyes sluggish.
"We are getting married." Jonathon said looking at me firmly, I stared at him filled with rage. I was so mad. How could he do this to me? I looked away from the couple, suddenly sick to my stomach and getting a quick head ache.
"Maddie?" Jenny asked looking down at my confused. "Aren't you happy for us?"
"Of course." I said regaining myself to look at them with a fake smile.
"Awesome." Jonathon said pulling Jenny closer to him.
"We wanted you to be the first person to know." She said looking at him.
"I'm so happy." I lied through my teeth.
"I know me too!" Jenny said pulling away from Jonathon and plopping herself down on my bed, wrapping her arms around me. I wanted to bite her. Before I could even wrap my arms around her to hug her back, she was bouncing back up and at the door.
"We have to go Maddie." Jenny said with so much energy. "But I want you to be a bridesmaid and the wedding photographer of course. I know it's not your forte but you'll make an exception for us right?" She said at lightning speed. I was agreeing before I was thinking.
"Awesome." She said sounding just like Jonathon. "Well the engagement party is tonight at the W in Scottsdale, I expect you to be there at 8:30 so you can photograph the whole thing. And dress amazingly, I know you've got a knock out in that messy closet of yours." She said with the most sincere smile I had ever seen.
I was amazed at this girl.
"Okay." I said and just like they were there, Jenny was pulling Jonathon back out with a quick bye they were gone.
I groaned flopping back into my bed. This could not be happening. I turned over and screamed into my pillow, I screamed over and over until I was light headed from lack of air.
Fuck.

&&

Over the year that I had had the pleasure of knowing Jenny she was three thing right off the top of my head; beautiful, actually smart, and prompt. So even in the mess of the situation, I did not want this girl mad at me, so when she said be at the W at 8:30, I was there at 8.
Jenny was in a sorority so she had 50 hands of loyal friends and man had she sent them to work. In the 12 in between now and when I last saw Jenny, She had booked the best hotel in the area for her engagement party, hired a personal chef to cook her meals, bought-in an open bar, gotten her favorite band, set up an old fashion photo-booth, blown up 250 balloons half pink, half silver and set out pictures of her and Jonathon on every single table, most of them I recognized as my own hand work. I looked around the room and instantly wanted to use my camera to murder myself. Everything was perfect and I was the only person in sight, that was except the band she booked. I sighed before immediately going over to the open bar, where some of the band boys were.
"Is anyone running this?" I asked with my eyes closed and my hands gripping my skull, I had a constant head ache the whole day.
"Just me." One boy, rather I say young man said. He was tall and lanky, his brown hair styled messily with a short beard to match. He was wearing an open denim shirt, a white loose v neck underneath tucked into some black cigarette skinny jeans. I instantly liked him from his kind smile.
"You okay?" He asked not asking what I wanted but pouring a drink for me anyway.
"God no." I said putting my camera and sitting on the bar stool in between two other guys, two guys that I sorta recognized. I squinted my eyes at them looking back and forth between them. One had a child's face but was clearly a young man, he had long ratty brown hair and a goofy smile. He was wearing a big grey t shirt with a feather on it and matching cigarette jeans as the guy behind the bar. The other boy was just as young. These two guys were younger than the first one based lousy on their clean shaves. This one was rocking a black and blue star wars baseball tee and almost disintegrated jeans. Out of all of the features of the three boys, his t-shirt was that most familiar thing.
"Do I know you guys?" I asked taking the glass that the bar boy had set in front of me and downing it. The bar boy was impressed while star wars chuckled at me.
"I think so, maybe we've seen each other at a party." The long haired boy says.
"That makes since." I thought out loud. Now a days when I went to party's I got so wasted that I didn't even remember my own name let alone guys I met.
"Well I'm Kennedy, and I would be the link to the bride." He said with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes resting my head in my hands. "Great." I mumbled.
"Not a big fan of Jenny?" The long haired one said. I looked over at him and he looked kinda sad.
"It's not that, She's actually really nice and cool it's just things." I said with I sigh.
"I understand." The long haired one said with a nod. "I'm Pat by the way." He said.
"And how 'bout you star wars?" I asked turning to look over at the last boy.
He laughed. "I'm Garrett."
"Nice to meet you guys." I said with a smile, the first real smile I had given all day. "I'm Madeline."
"Hi." Garrett said.
"Maddie?" I heard my nickname being called and I spun in my bar chair to see Jenny's best friend Brook, standing in the door way.
"Hey." I said.
"Jenny wanted me to make sure your ready the guests are about to arrive." She said giving me an evil eye, that was a signature of hers. I rolled my eyes and hopped down.
"Yeah I'm ready." I said.
Brook nodded before opening the doors further for the rest of the brat pack that was Jenny's group strut in. Brook stared me down until I took photos of their cat walks. It was picture after picture of arrivals after that. I was truly glad when a voice echoed in the room from speakers saying that Jenny and Jonathon were about to make their entrance, It was the last dumb arrival photo I would I have to take.
Jenny looked stunning there was a universal sucking in of the breath as soon as her pink Louboutin's stepped though the doors. I found myself hating myself as I stared at the goddess before me. No, I found myself hating her. And then I saw her smile, dammit she was truly happy. Jonathon's arm was linked through her's and he wore a simple color coordinating suit. Ordinary but Extraordinary. Right before he completely passed me, he looked eyes with me his smile getting bigger as he winked at me. No, I didn't hate myself, I hated him. He lead her to the front table before walking to the stage, shoving past the lead singer of the band.
"Thank you so much for joining us on this special day to celebrate our engagement, this is the first of the happiest days of my life." He said staring back and forth between his speech cards and all of his friends and family. I took his picture as he spoke lovely words to Jenny when I really just wanted to stab him with a dull blade. This was the beginning of my horrible life.
Soon Jonathon was asking for his fiance's arm and even sooner music started blasting for the speakers. I knew I should be snapping pictures of the happy couple but I was drawn to the band on stage. I sighed after getting a few good ones and angled myself for the perfect shot of Jonathon and Jenny. Regardless of what Jenny thought, Weddings were totally part of my forte, when I wasn't at a concert, I was at a wedding. I knew exactly what to do. Some how it made the situation worse to see them through a camera lens, for me that was when I saw things, real things. Everyone else erupted in dance around them and got a many as I could but in flash I was in the bathroom erupting with vomit. I groaned. This was going to be a long night. I cleaned myself as well as I could and went back out there. I went an hour without seeing Jonathon and Jenny, just wandering away from them taking pictures of the guests having fun. Good things don't last long though. I turned around and Jonathon was behind me smirking.
"Hey." He said pulling out a chair for me, "Take a break Maddie, enjoy the party." He said sitting down opposite m. I sighed slipping my camera off and popping my back.
"So how are you Jonathon?" I asked closing my eyes laying my head in my hands.
"I'm great." He said and I could hear his smirk. "But the question is how are you?" He said and I heard the creaking of his chair as he moved forward dropping a hand on my shoulder.
"Me too." I said faking another smile. It faded and I desperately looked around for an excuse to leave. First thing I saw was a pack of cigarettes, I grabbed it and stood in a rush.
"I'm actually going to go for a smoke, but you should mingle." I said grabbing my camera in my other hand and turning to leave.
"Wait, Mads, since when do you smoke? I thought you thought smoking was the equivalent of eating elephant shit." He said with a chuckle, a chuckle I loved.
"I changed my mind." I left him with that and escaped out the back door.
I sighed hitting my back against the brick wall, I stared down at the pack of cigarettes in my hand. I pulled on out and put it in between my lips, for right now that was all I needed. I slid further away from the door until I bumped into another being.
I turned to see the wonderful looking lead singer of the band. I smiled at him pulling the unlit cigarette from my lips.
"Hi," I said looking back at the city opposite the wall.
"Need a light?" He responded holding up his lighter. I nodded putting the cigarette back up to my lips. He lit it and I inhaled, I inhaled a fit of coughing.
"Is that your first cigarette?" He asked after my coughing had died into silence.
"Yes." I said simple inhaling again.
"Why?" He asked turning his body towards mine.
I faced him taking another inhale. "I'm having a horrible day." I said looking away from him and at the door.
"Ahh." He said tapping his cigarette and I did the same. "Let me guess." He said.
I turned towards him raising an eyebrow at him as I took another inhale.
"Your sleeping with the groom?" He said.
I coughed. "I wish." I mumbled "The grooms my best friend and I love him." I told him, and that was the very first time I said it out loud. I rolled my eyes at myself and sighed.
"You're a walking cliche'." The lead singer said chuckling to himself.
I grew angry at him. "Shut up." I said turning away from him.
He reached over at knocked my cigarette out of my hand.
"Hey!" I protested. "That's the first time I've been happy all day." That just made him laugh more as he bore the cigarette down with the tip of his shoe.
"Let's go get drunk." He said wrapping his fingers in mine.
"What? No." I said trying to pull away.
The back door opened and Brook looked out. "Jenny's looking for you, she wants you to give a speech." She said waiting for me to follow her.
Instead I looked at the cute boy to the side of me, he was smirking and gripping my hand tighter.
"Okay." I said to him before surprising him and Brook by running off, dragging him with me.