Breathe In, Out.

"Diana Maine?"

"Here."

"Tony Marley?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm just taking roll Tony, and I'd appreciate it if you answered with 'here', not 'yeah'."

"'Kay,"

"Alex Maybe?"

Here! I'm here! That's me!

"Alex Maybe?"

I'm here! Look I'm raising my hand! I'm right behind you! Oh why can't I just say something?

"Is Alex Maybe present?"

Wait, wait! I am present! I'm right here! Just turn around! Look. At. Me!

"Absent on the first day of school? What a world."

What? Nooo! I'm right next to you now! Wait no! Don't go on with the rest of the roll call! You didn't mark me present! Why can't I talk? What is wrong with me?

Tap. Tap.

Oh God, she's tapping her ruler on my desk! She wants to know who I am! But if I tell her she'll be mad! She'll want to know why I didn't answer her when she called my name! And it's not like I can say that I couldn't hear her over my friends! I don't have any friends! I'm a freak!

"Young lady, may I see your schedule?"

Oh no! She's going to see my name and glare at me!

"Alex Maybe? Why didn't you answer me when I called your name?"

Crap! That question isn't rhetorical! She actually wants an answer? What should I say? What should I do?

"Uh...Uh...Um."

People are laughing now! Why can't the teacher just take points from my grade or talk to me after class! Everyone's staring at me! They probably think I'm a total loser!

"Let's see...AD...Oh God, they gave me one of the special kids!"

WHAT? I'm not special! No AD doesn't mean I'm special! Everyone's laughing at me! My face is heating up! I'm going to--No I can't! Not now! Not today!

"Oh cra- Don't cry okay? Look here's a pass and go see the Head of Special Ed. She can help you out. Tell her your schedule got messed up okay? But don't cry!"

They're still laughing, even though I've already left.

* * *

"How was school today, Alex?" Mom asked, while mashing up some peas for Gracie.

"It was horrible. Everyone thinks I'm mentally challenged." I muttered

Behind me dad, slapped his keys on the table, "Mentally challenged? Why?" he demanded, narrowing his eyes at me as if somehow, all of this was my fault.

"Because I couldn't say 'here' when my name was called." The tea kettle began to squeal so I quickly turned it off. No sense in waking Gracie up, and making Dad even more stressed.

Dad sighed and ran a hand through his thinning hair, "You couldn't say 'here'?" he asked incredulously, and for a minute I thought he was going to see the situation my way. "Alex, you've got to get past this mute thing!" he snapped

Mom winced and placed a hand on his arm, "Anxiety disorder, hun." she whispered "She isn't mute."

Dad rolled his eyes and noisily slurped his tap water, "Anxiety disorder? Mute? What's the difference? I just don't get how someone can be afraid to talk!"

I could feel tears prickling the back of my eyes, "I-I'm not afraid to talk, I just don't want people to laugh at me..." I whispered

"How would you know if they're going to laugh or not? Or have you gained the ability to read minds along with this disorder thing?"

"Matthew!" Mom snapped, fixing him with a glare, that I only saw halfway because my vision was starting to blur around the edges.

"I just think the whole concept is stupid, that's all." I heard him say as I rushed to my room.

* * *

"Good morning, Alex!" Doctor Martin exclaimed as I walked into his office and slid into a cushioned chair.

"Hi," I mumbled into my turtle neck and his smile faded at the edges.

"Oh no no no, you're starting to revert, Alex. Chin up! And look me in the eye!" he ordered and I obeyed, but not before biting my lip and wringing my hands.

"Tell me what's wrong Alex, you were fine last week." Dr. Martin asked, tossing me a bag of chips.

"Everyone at school thinks I'm mentally challenged, and my dad thinks I'm a freak." I mumbled while nibbling on a BBQ chip.

"Everyone?"

"Well, probably not everyone, but all of the people in my home room!" I insisted, leaning forward in my chair.

"You have no way to know that for sure, Alex. And even if some of them do think you are challenged, some people like mentally challenged people!"

I glowered at his lame attempt at a joke, and he grinned. "It's still the first week of school, Alex. You can changed people's opinions about you."

I shrugged and Dr. Martin shrugged back at me. "It's your choice. Now what's this about your father thinking you are a freak?"

I relayed the events of last nights dinner to him and he sighed. "Alex," he tossed me another bag of chips, which I immediately dug into. I had avoided the kitchen this morning, because of my dad and left for my appointment without any kind of breakfast. "Some adults, well actually, most adults, are like children. They don't know how to express their feelings in a considerate way, so they end up hurting the people closest to them. Your father is probably afraid for you, and he doesn't understand your condition. So in an attempt to voice his fears, he accidentally hurt you. I'm sure he didn't mean it."

I shrugged and Dr. Martin shrugged back.

* * *

Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Don-

"Hey!"

She isn't talking to me. She can't be talking to me! Girls like her don't talk to me-

"Hey,"

Oh no she's in front of me! And she repeated herself! Now I have to respond! Or I could just pretend to be a mentally challenged kid, then she'll leave me alone to eat my lunch in isolation.



Okay. She's still here, I can still respond. She's not looking at me funny yet. But what if she's just good at masking her feelings? What if this is a prank? What if--

Stop.
Breath in,
Out.

"Hi."