Monday

Brian’s POV

Where in the living hell is Zacky. Its 9:15 and Zacky is still not home. I don’t even know if he came home today. I’m worried as fuck. I know I should trust him, but he’s so distant and its scaring me.

I know he’s not the most stable person when it comes to his emotions. Trust me, I would know. When his father died(lucky bastard) he was a mess.( I would be laughing if it was my dad) He didn’t sleep for weeks. I would have to force him to eat, and he wouldn’t shower for days on end. He was very dissident, and depressed. It was scary as hell to see him like that. I don’t ever want to see him like that.

…Well speak of the devil. I hear some keys rustling at the door, and popped in Zacky with 2, mind you 2 grocery carts! He had his ipod in his ears and had this smile glowing off his face.

He looked up from what ever the hell he was looking at and his smile feel; he’s eyes dimed a little. I narrowed my eyes and did my best not to rip the arm off the chair I was sitting at.

“Where. In. The. Hell. Have. You. Been?!” I said through clentched teeth. I was worried sick, and he was out shopping! What the FUCK?!

“We needed groceries, so I went shopping.” he said calmly, as if I wasn’t in a fit of rage.

“And you didn’t tell me?I was scared Zacky! I haven't seen you all day, then you come home like nothing happened! What the hell?” I was getting mad, and that’s not a good thing.

“So you know how it feels? He said coldly.

“What?”

“You didn’t come home until 12: 30, and your drunk off your ass, and you don’t think I was scared? I was fucking worried as hell.” He yelled. I don’t even remember getting drunk last night. I only remember waking up with a major headache this morning. Oh shit!

“Zacky, I don’t remember” I tried to explain but I was cut off.

“Don’t give me that Brian. You went and got shit-face like the pathetic bastard you are. Just like your dad.” now that was below the belt. He did not need to say that.

“THAT, was uncalled for.” I can feel the memories rushing back, and I hate it.

“Whatever. Its true. Your so pathetic. You cant even stand being yelled at. Your worthless.” He said with no emotion at all. It was all cold, heartless, venom that was dripping off his tong.

“I…you know what? Your right.” I think that caught him off guard, because he’s eyes got little wide when I said that.

“I’m pathetic. I’m pathetic and worthless, and a good-for-nothing piece of shit. But I’m nothing, NOTHING like my father.” and with that I turned and went up stairs to my office. Leaving Zacky standing in the door.

ZACKY’S POV

Wow. Are we really having this argument now? What the fuck? For the first time I feel like I hate him. Ugh. Its not like I did anything wrong. I left a damn note at first, then I came home and he was gone. So I went to the grocery store.
Oh shit the junk food! My ice cream is gonna melt!!
Grr. I need to put the grocery's up and just think. Its not like I did anything wrong at least I came back with grocery's, he came back as a stupid drunken son-of-a-bitch.

***********************Zacky's prair********************

‘dear God, why is this happening? Why would you make us argue like this? Say these hateful words to each other. Its not like we mean it, but what if this is THE argument that stops our relationship? God I need you….. We need you lord its not even funny when I say that we need you. I know I know I haven't been the biggest Christian of them all and I’ve sinned but cant you still love me? And help me? God please because I need your help. And if you cant help me, then there's no one else for me. And I’ll understand if you hate my guts and rather send me to hell for what I've been doing and have said. Its ok lord.
But I just need your help. Badly! Please. Please God, please.

amen

****************************************************************

My grocery's are almost all in the kitchen. There's literally not enough room. Hehe I got to much. Were gonna be complete fatties.
…We.

I just sat there and thought for a minute.…We. What if there is no we? Whats going to happen to us?

Brian’s POV

What the hell just happened? Should have I been that worried about him. I guess not. But still he could have called or something.

And why the hell did we start arguing? I’m I really that hard headed. All I was, was worried. He did not have to bring up my dad. That was uncalled for.

…wasn’t it. I'm not like my dad am I? OH GOD! Please tell me I'm not like my dad!

Sure, I have a temper of a bull. I do tend to forget things. And I have the tendency to hit people for no particular purpose.

‘Oh please no. I cant be like my dad. I cant.’ I can feel tears prickle at the edges of my eyes. This is to much.

Im losing it. I can feel tears stream down my face, and I feel myself choke on a sob. This is the first time I’ve cried in 3 years.

I tried so hard to stay strong and now I'm losing it. Just when I relies that I’m no better then the piece of scum I call a father. I promised myself I would be nothing like him, and apparently…I’ve been lie to myself and to the people around me.

‘I’m no better then my father.’ I said to myself. I walked into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and saw nothing but tears on my pitiful face. I snapped. And that’s when it began.

……..I quickly cleaned up the evidence of my inflictions that over came me.

And started to pack. I hate the thought of leaving Zacky. Its just I cant quiet get it through my head but I have to leave. I don’t know where I’m going to go but I have to go before I hurt Zacky too. At least to the point where he cracks. I’m leaving for him.
I love him.

Zacky’s POV

What is going to happen to us? I cant stand the thought of us not being together.

Then I saw him. It all happened in slow motion. But then again, it was too fast for me to grasp. Its what it seemed like. Bryan running down the stairs, he looked so scared, so fragile. His selves rolled up carrying a backpack and a suitcase. He looked up at me silently, and another tear rolled down his face. looked at him in horror as he ran out the door.

I don’t know what to do now. I feel like God isn’t listening to me. I feel like no one cares anymore. I feel like dying.
MUSIC. MUSIC. MUSIC WHERE THE FUCK IS THE MUSIC AT!!!!! I NEED MUSIC.

I cant handle this. What am I going to do. Oh my God. What do I do what do I do what do I do?!?!?! I keep replaying that moment over and over in my head as if I could just go back and change something what would happen.

Brians POV

Where the fuck are my keys. Dammit. I cant see shit with all these damn tears in my eyes. How could I leave Zacky? Because its for the best.

Why did I hurt Zacky? Because I'm just like my father. Wow. Im answering my own damn questions. That just comes to show that I'm going crazy. I cant do this. Why am I doing this? Where am I gonna go? When is everything ever going to stop?

3rd persons PROV

They might not know it, but the same thing is running through both there minds.
…Whats going to happen now?

What’s going to happen now is up to there own actions.

No, God isn’t going to tell them what to do, and no act of mutilation is going to change anything. They have to do it on there own.

Wither its running away, and doing more damage then thought, or staying home and letting thoughts eat away at you. Its up to them.

Sure, some time away, some time to them self's could do some good. But ending the whole relationship is unnecessary. If they talked it through, let each other say what needs to be said, It could be resolved.

But they need to figure that out them self's…which could take some times since they both don’t seem to have common sence.

Anyway. I guess we just have to wait to see what happens. They have to take actions in their own hands. So this could turn out good or…not so good. We just have to wait and find out.

Brian’s POV

Ok, its been 2 weeks seance I left Zacky at the house. I’ve been staying with my friend Jimmy. He’s one crazy Motherfuck, but he’s being a great friend and letting me stay with him.

I walk in to the guest room that I’ve been spending my lonely nights in and see the calender that was center on the wall near the desk. I see the mess in the guest bathroom that I need to clean up, before Jimmy sees what i’ve done to myself. And all the clothes on the damn floor that need to be washed.

It was December 11.…Zacky’s Birthday. And I’m not there to celebrate it with him. If I was with him right now I would have made him breakfast in bed and we would have a nice shower together after getting syrup all over are selfs.(Its happened before, on my birthday. We ended up sharing a romantic steamy bath together)

Just thinking of that makes me laugh to myself. I miss all the queerly little things he did. I just miss him in general. One part of me kinda wishes I didn’t leave. But I didn’t want to hurt him. So I guess it was for best.

I really don’t like to think it was for the best. I don’t even know at this point. Maybe I should at least buy him a birthday present. Something to say I'm sorry, and happy birthday all in the same thing. He deserves it.

Ugh, time for work. Mr.Cooper has been acting different around me since he herd the rumor about me and Zacky. Hes actually cutting me some slack now-a-days. Who would of thunk it. No one that’s who. He’s the problem I’m in this mess in the first place. This is all his fault. Why did I get this job anyway. God this is getting so hard! I cant think straight. I just need to calm down!

I clean the guest bathroom that I’ve been scaring with my blood and slipped out of my room. I hear Jimmy in the shower singing “A spoon full of Jimmy helps the whole world go down”

I laugh to my self as my mentally unstable(I’m playing, Jimmy ROCKS) of a friend sings to himself. I start to fell dizzy as I walk down the stairs. I just shake it off. Thinking I don’t want to go to work. ‘Cause I don’t.

But after I put the car in ignitions I get this horrible, nauseating pain over come me. My surroundings start spinning around and I throw up in the passenger seat. I panic and reach for my cell phone when I see all the blood seeping through my gray Shirt.
What’s happening to me?

Zacky’s POV

Its been 2 whole weeks, me and Brian haven’t even spoken to each other. He didn’t even call on my birthday. I cant believe that this might be the face that its over between us. I miss him so much. I wish we never even had that stupid argument in the first place.

The phone rang. I got up quickly and ran as fast as I could. Hopefully it was brian. I would love more than anything in the world if I could at least hear his voice.
“Hello?” I answered.

“Zack! Zack! Come quick! You need to hurry.” Jimmy yelled in my ear.

“What’s wrong? What happened Jimmy? Calm down! I cant understand what your saying!”

“Its Brian…Zacky he’s hurt…Badly. Oh god…Zacky….I-I-I don’t know what to do, Zacky! He needs you!” He screamed through sobs.

My heart dropped. It felt like a million heavy stones dragging on my chest. The phone fell on the floor. I didn’t even notice myself running my way towards Jimmy’s house. I had no car, running was the fastest thing I could think of doing right now.

What did Brian do? My Brian. My poor Brian. He needs me and were so far apart yet so close together. I need to get to him. I need to see whats wrong, I need to See if he’s ok. I cant loose him. Not now. I love him.