Changing the Girl

I laid there, next to my brother in his small bunk, his arms around me. Alex fell asleep sometime ago, but I couldn’t. My mind was racing with this new found love. I curled closer to Alex, breathing in the comforting scent. He smelt like brother.

Now, anyone who has a brother can and will agree that they have a specific smell. Some smell better than others. Alex smells like: dirt, sweat, Ax, lavender and something I can’t describe. No one else has that indescribable-ness mixed in. Well, they all have it, but it’s all different. I like Alex’s the best; it made him Alex. And Alex is amazing.

In Alex’s sleep, he tightened his grip, pressing me up against him. My hand rested on his stomach, and his arm was strewn across my waist. The heat between us was uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to move. I could feel his smooth skin under my hand. His shirt had ridden up and I moved my hand over his ribs and to his back.

How is it boys are always hot? Constantly! Doesn’t matter who I’m sitting next to, if it’s a boy I’m scalding on one side and freezing on the other. But since the thick curtain was closed, the heat surrounded us. Alex was lightly sweating and his hair stuck to his face. Because I was a girl (and fellow females can agree) and life was unfair, I was sweating like a mother fucker. No, it wasn’t “that”.

“Mmmmmzha,” Alex moaned as he rolled more, practically crushing me.

“A-Alex,” I whispered, poking at him. I could barely breathe. Alex wasn’t even that heavy! I slapped his back making him jump. He blinked blurrily and realized the position he was in. Half of Alex’s body was on top of me, crushing the air from my lungs. He rolled quickly and I took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, are you okay?” Alex whispered worriedly, placing his own hand on my ribs. I nodded, staring at his shadow searching for his lovely familiar features. I couldn’t see them, so I reached out softly and found his face. I ran my fingers up the side of his face, and down the middle. I brushed my finger tips over his lips and felt him breathe. “Libs…” he trailed, using his nickname for me.

“Yeah Allycat?”

“I-I love you…” he sighed. I knew that wasn’t all. He rolled away from me, onto his back, and stared at the ceiling. I could see the lights glinting off his oven eyes as the bus rumbled along. I had decided to sleep on his bus; I’d missed him for too long.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Go to sleep,” he said, sounding irritated.

“Lex-“

“I said go to sleep.” He snapped. I nodded and put my head on the pillow. My hand sneaked across the sheets and found his. Alex flinched his hand and tried to pull back, but I gripped his hand.

“Don’t pull away, not now. Please?” I whispered to his shoulder. He tore his hand away and turned his back to me. Tears formed in my eyes and I nodded, turning away.

Sometime later my eyes began to close, and my breathing evened out. I was just about to fall asleep, and I felt the bed shift. I thought nothing of it and continued the path to unconsciousness. Then Alex’s hand fell upon my shoulder and softly pulled me down. I expertly pretended to slumber, wondering what it was Alex was doing.

For a few minutes, nothing happened. I could feel his finger tips trace my face, almost nonexistent. Then I could feel his breath near my face. Alex’s breath smelt sweet; like candy. Yet it had a minty-ness to it. It enticed my senses, making my head swim.

Then it happened.

At first, it was a light brush. Just his lips barely hitting mine. Then, when I didn’t stir, he pressed his lips down. Alex pulled back, presumably staring at my face. I could still feel his hot breath hit my face, and I brought my hand up. On a lucky shot, it pressed into his neck. Alex took in a sharp breath and tried to pull back. I held him there. I leaned up and kissed him.

Alex didn’t do anything. I pulled back and laid down completely. “Why’d you do that?” Alex asked nervously.

“You did first.” I reminded him cutely.

Almost immediately I felt his lips press into mine. I quickly responded, tangling my hands into his hair. I needed love, I needed to feel loved, and I needed my big brother. Mix ‘em all together and you get incest! How fun.

You’re probably disgusted. But Alex was the only one who had always been there. Yes, he left for tour. But Alex found a way to be there for me. His music. I had his voice at the touch of a button. I learned to love his voice, to associate feeling good with his voice. If I had a horrible day, it was his voice I turned to.

Now, back to the story.

Alex’s lips parted slightly, and his sweet tongue swept along my bottom lip and bit lightly. I gasped quietly; no one could know. Ever.

Alex took the gasp as a sign to continue on. His skillful tongue entered my mouth, and I fought back at the moans it incited. I did try to fight for dominance, but come on! It’s Alex MotherFucking Gaskarth!

I trailed my hands down, and hooked one hands’ fingers along the waist band to his pajama pants. Alex made a small whiny sound, and his lips stuttered. He stopped kissing me and pulled back. Alex grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. “I-I think that-that’s enough for now,” Alex said breathlessly.

“What’s wrong Lexi?” I asked worriedly. “Did I-“

“It it’s not you. No it’s not you at all. It’s what we are. I-I can’t do this to you. You’re my sister…” he trailed, sounding disgusted with himself.

“I understand Lexi.”

“I love you, I just wanted you to feel loved…” he sounded to be holding back tears. I hugged Alex to me. He tensed, but relaxed to hug me back.

“Mission accomplished, Allycat.”

“you-you’re not mad?”

“No, now hug me and make a plan.” I felt his grip tighten slightly and breathy laughter go for a few seconds.

“Why a plan?”

“Well, what happens after this?” Alex paused for a second, in thought.

“I get to be your brother. But your brother who-“

“would tear out his own heart to write our names together?” I questioned quickly. He forgot to keep quiet and laughed. He quickly threw his hand up over his mouth, trying to stifle his sweet laughter.

“Yes, exactly.” He said, amused greatly. I snuggled into his chest. A sudden thought came to me.

“we should dye your hair pink, but just a part…”

“Okay, tomorrow we’ll go out and get BOTH of our hair dyed pink. Deal?” He asked with a smile in his voice.

“Just you and me?”

“Just you and I.”

“Defiantly deal.” I clarified. I put my body closer to him. “Love you.”

“love you too, babygirl