Bleed My Heart Out

I picked up the pen. It felt heavy in my hand. I struggled to write, Dear Jordan, on the top of the page. I sighed and glanced out of the window. The empty parking space beside my truck reminded me of the impending emptiness that was going to fill my life.

"We’ll stay in touch, bud, don’t sweat it," he had said before hugging me and walking out the door, down to the truck where his girlfriend was waiting for him.

His girlfriend. Riley. She was nice, and I liked her enough, but she was making this A LOT more difficult for me to handle. She lived in Anaheim, so Jordan was going to live with her while he played there.

I shook my head and looked back at the mostly empty paper. I needed to write this letter. He deserves to know, I kept telling myself, he deserves to know before he disappears. That was enough motivation. I continued to write:

Well, I’m not really good with this whole ‘feelings’ thing, so I’m going to make this short and to the point.

I paused for a moment to think about how I was going to make this short and to the point. I started writing again:

I’ve always feared the day that we wouldn’t be teammates anymore. There’s no one I’ve enjoyed playing beside more than you. We had this chemistry, you know?

My head started to hurt, but I kept going:

It’s going to be different playing without you. Well, everything’s going to be different here. Who’s going to feed me crispy passes during games? Who’s going to do my laundry for me? Who will take me on pregame ice cream dates? I’m not going to have anyone to eat KD with after games or anyone to beat me in NHL ’12. I mean, living with Whits isn’t going to be bad, but his NHL skills are worse than mine, if you can believe it.

Playing with my best friend was a dream come true. How many people can say they play with someone they’ve known since they were ten?

I don’t really know how to explain this. I just, I just miss you. Yeah. I miss you and I always will. I know we’ll keep in touch and stuff, but not having you here is freaking me out. You made me who I am today, and I love you for that. This sounds crazy, I know, but I do. I really do love you.

That’s all I had to say. I love you Jordan, I really, truly do.

Please don’t hate me.

Love your pal,
Taylor

By now, the tears were streaming down my face. I reread the letter. No, I thought, I can’t send this to him. He’s going to think I’m out of my mind. What if Riley sees it?

I tore the page up and walked over to the fireplace so I could throw it in. I let the tears blur my vision, as I fell onto my knees, wishing he was still here.