Blame The Stars

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
When will the beeping ever stop? It’s all I’ve been hearing for the past hour or so, and it was getting on my last nerves. I couldn’t open my eyes. I tried, but my body wouldn’t cooperate. I couldn’t move anything, and it was getting really frustrating.

I could feel someones hand in mine, but unaware as to who it belongs to. I’m guessing it’s a guitarist because of how calloused the fingers felt when they would rub the top of my hand. Even if I hadn’t a clue who the hand belonged to, it was very comforting. Whoever it was would lightly rub circles onto the back of my hand, soothing me.

‘Is she doing any better?’ A familiar voice asked from across the room. Jack! It was Jack, although it wasn’t him holding my hand.

‘Yes, Mr.Barakat. She seems to be making great improvement. Carson should be waking up within the hour’

Oh, fuck. I know where I was, the one place I hated more then anything. The hospital. My eyes snapped open and I immediately started panicking. Memories of that day, nearly ten years ago, came flashing back at me.

Flashback.

Tears ran down my face quickly as I clung to my mother’s lifeless body with everything I had. I couldn’t leave her. “She left you, you can do the same” my head was screaming at me, but it wasn’t her fault.

“Carson, honey. Calm down.” The nurse was trying to control me, but to no avail. I was uncontrollable. Soon, things were getting out of hand as I was screaming at the top of my lungs, crying hysterically and clinging to my dead mother. I felt my lower half being lifted from the bed, and I started thrashing about. I couldn’t leave her.

The doctors and nurses were all trying to detach me from her and soon my hands slipped and I was being carried quickly out of the hospital room. The last thing I saw while being carried from the room was my mother, my dead mother, being covered in a white sheet.

End Flashback.

I looked around the room to see Jack, Alex, a nurse and Ben Bruce all looking at me. I took slow deep breathes to calm myself down, before falling back onto the uncomfortable hospital bed. Ben took hold of my hand again and started rubbing the back of it soothingly.

The memories of hospitals were too much for me to handle. I sat up and looked straight forward, emotionless, trying to calm my nerves and thoughts.

‘How are you feeling, Carson?’ The nurse asked carefully. I scoffed at her question before laying back down.

‘I feel fucking fantastic, thank you for asking. No, I feel like shit. I can’t be in this room anymore, how long till I can leave?’ I asked impatiently, and rudely. Ben squeezed my hand for comfort and I turned my head and smiled weakly at him. He returned the gesture before motioning with his head for me to pay attention to the nurse.

‘I’m sorry you feel that way. You can leave as soon as the doctor finishes a few last tests, just to make sure you’re stable.’

‘Stable? STABLE? Do you think I’m crazy or something!? There’s NOTHING wrong with me!’ I shouted at her.

‘Carson, calm down’ Jack scolded from across the room. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before opening them and looking at the nurse.

‘They are merely procedure, you will be out of here before you know it, and back to your normal life.’

Normal life. What is my normal life? Fighting with my best friends? Ignoring everyone I love? No, my life was about partying, and having a good time with the people I love. I needed that back. From this point on, I was going to push all my problems aside and have a good time, but what I didn’t know was how difficult it really was going to be.

About an hour later I was walking out of the hospital with stitches on the right side of my head and my army of musicians beside me. All of All Time Low showed up as did Danny from Asking Alexandria, and Alex, Jack and Ben didn’t leave the whole time.

We all boarded the same bus and I walked straight passed everyone and to the bunks. I needed sleep. Soon we would be at the next Warped venue and back to avoiding the people I thought I loved.