You're My Wonderwall

I woke up to someone shaking my shoulders lightly. I opened my eyes to be met with Val's hazel eyes. "What now?" I groaned.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm making pancakes, and since I'm such a good friend, I decided to make sure that was ok with the pregnant girl."

"I'll be ok with that." I yawned shrugging her off. She took the hint and walked out of the room closing the door behind her. I was going to go back to sleep when I realized there was a body lying underneath me. I looked over at the sleeping body. It was Zacky's. Suddenly last night's events came rushing into my thoughts.

My stomach didn't feel so good. I quickly grabbed a shirt, and boxers, throwing them on as I rushed into the restroom. I kneeled down near the toilet and threw up everything that was in my stomach. As more thoughts poured in mind of last night, the more I threw up.

"Are you ok babe?" Zacky's voice rang from the doorway. I flushed the toilet, and quickly stood up and made my way over to the sink. I grabbed the toothbrush and paste to begin brushing my teeth.

"You're not going to ignore me, right?" he asked coming into the room. My eyes were watching his every move. I finished brushing and started to wash my face. I hoping he was going to get the hint and leave, but when I finished drying my face, he was standing next to me.

I put the towel down and turned to face him. "What's up?" I asked casually.

"I wanted to make sure that you were doing ok, but I'm still waiting for the answer." He sighed tiredly.

"I'm ok, thanks for asking." I forced a small smile on my face.

"You're lying, what's really on your mind?" he asked leaning his back on the counter. I shook my head. "Nothing's on my mind." I said unconvincingly.

He shrugged his shoulders and reached for my waist with his hands. He pulled me close to him. "About last night-" he started.

"It's ok, it'll never happen again." I sighed pushing away from him. Zack had a look of shock on his face. I gasped, "Shit that isn't what you were going to say, was it?"

Zack shook his head. "No, I mean, come on isn't that what we said the last time?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "I know, but that this is almost like the last time." The smirk he was giving me was pissing me off. I didn't want to think of last time.

"Yea, but that time, we were both drunk, and high."

"Ok, and what was so wrong about this time?" he asked confused.

"Because only you were high, and I know you did it out of sympathy." I groaned.

His face was unreadable. It looked as though he was thinking hard about this. He kept opening his mouth, and then closing it. I stood there watching him waiting for him to speak, but I was too impatience. I began to walk out when he grabbed my wrist.

"Wait, Mal, I just-god-why do you think this keeps happening?"

I turned around and looked at him confused. "What are you trying to get at?"

"Maybe we have feelings for each other, you know deep down inside?"

I shook my head and pulled my arm away from him. "I still don't understand what you're trying to tell me."

He gasped shocked at me. "You can't tell me that you've forgotten all those times in high school. Us, you know sneaking around everyone to be together? You forgot about that? Everything that happened between us can't be gone!" he exclaimed.

"No, I didn't, especially when you left me. Let's just keep this little game up, until we find a way to break up." I snapped back.

"Why are you trying to avoid the subject? We've never talked about this before until now. I want to know what happened to us. Why we stop seeing each other?"

My eyes widen at the shit he was telling me. "What happened was that you went on tour and when you came back, you wanted nothing to do with me. Did you forget about that? You wanted to just stay friends, right?"

"That was over two years ago, I've already apologized about it. Can't we just start over? I know I fucked up, but you never told me about Brian! How do you think I felt?"

The anger began to boil inside me, and I didn't know if it was the conversation or hormones anymore. "Just because you've apologized means I'm supposed to forgive you and take you back in open arms? Whatever, you haven't changed from that arrogant asshole. And what was the worst was you never allowed me the time to explain Brian to you. You already had your thoughts about it, and about me." I stormed angrily out of the bathroom.

"Why are you always doing this?" Zack asked storming in behind me.

"Doing what?"

"Running away from talking about us? I think you're just scared of what could happen. You're scared of what you feel for me."

"I'm not scared. I don-" I sighed deeply. "I don't want to get hurt again. I'm sorry, but if you want me, you have to prove it to me."

Zack sat on the bed, resting his head between his hands. "And what is this? You don't think that me taking care of a child that isn't mine, doesn't qualify as how much I actually feel for you?" his voice was just above a whisper. He was obviously hurt by my comment, but that didn't even faze me for one second.

"Fuck you. Don't be bringing my child into this! You don't have to do shit, we don't need your help! I can do this without you! Leave if you feel that way." tears began to stream down my face from all the anger boiling inside me. My chest was rising and falling quickly. My chest began to feel heavy from all the anger in me.

"It's our child no matter what you say. Trust me when I say I'm not leaving you, not this time. No matter how many times you push me out. I'll never leave you alone; I'm going to be a part of this no matter what. Let's just start over, please?"

I took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. "I'm sorry Zack, but no, we can't start over. I can't do it. My heart can't take it again." Then I turned away and walked out the door.

I walked into the kitchen to see Val sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. She looked up at me and smirked. Shit, the look she was giving me, said it all.

"How much of it did you hear?" I groaned sitting at the table across from her.

Val shrugged her shoulders and put her cup down. "All of it, seeing you two weren't quiet about the whole thing."

I placed my head between the palms of my hands. "Fuck, my brother didn't hear right?" I asked worriedly.

"Nope." She said with a small shake of her head. "But I think you two should stop the little façade you are doing." She knew what was going on. I should have known Val always had ways of putting things together.

My eyes widen and I looked up at her shocked. "Look, I'm the only one who actually has an idea that Zacky isn't the father of the baby, and plus, you two rekindling old feelings for one another? I didn't buy it. But if it's worth something, I think he's doing a great thing by helping you out. Someone who really cares and loves you could be the one strong enough do this."

"You're right, but with Zack, it's like…he hasn't changed. Shit, he's still hung up with the shit with Brian. And what makes it worst is he wants me to forget about all the shit he put me through and start all over. I just don't know what do. I'm so confused. My heart is pulling me one way and my mind another."

"Ok, what happened between you two was stupid, on his part. But I think if he's willing to man up to his mistakes and actually take your hand, and face up to your brother; he should be given an award for that. Just take your time with him, don't forget the past but learn from it."

I smiled at Val. "Yea you're right. Thanks for listening. So this secret-"

"Is safe with me, you know that. Come on, I'm the best at keeping my lips sealed." She smiled proudly.

Before anything else could be said, Zack walked into the kitchen fully dressed. He grabbed a plate and went straight for the pancakes on the stove, his back was to us. Val looked over at him and then back at me. She tilted her head towards Zack signaling me to talk to him. I stood up and walked over to him.

"Meet me out on the balcony." I whispered loud enough for him. I walked out of the kitchen and up to my room. I grabbed some clothes and quickly changed. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, and walked out.

I walked to the billiard room and opened the doors to the balcony. I sat on the chair and looked out to the city. Thoughts flooded my mind, but nothing stuck long enough.

"You wanted me to meet you?" Zack's voice said from behind me. I turned my attention to him and smiled. "Yea I did." He nodded and closed the door behind him.

"So what's up?" he asked sitting on the lounge chair with his hands behind his head leaning back.

"I've been thinking about what was said this morning." I took a deep breath. "What happened to us in the past, well I can't forget it, but I'm willing start off slow. And if everything goes good, we can try having real relationship."

He didn't respond back to me right away, and I began to think that maybe he was going to reject my offer. "There's just one thing I have to know before I tell you my decision." He spoke softly.

"Ok."

"And don’t get all mad about it, because I just want to know. What really happened with Brian?"

"Well, it started when I was about 15. We always flirted with each other, and he always showed more then just friendly affection. He wanted to hang out more and he wanted to do it alone. He kissed me, and that's when it all started. We'd sneak off to be away from everyone, and soon my feelings began to take over. I wanted him to be the first one to take me." I closed my eyes and began to reminisce about the moments Bri and I had.

"He did, and I couldn't have been happier. We knew we would have to continue hiding our relationship because of Matt. At first I was ok with it, but after almost two years, it got tiring. Fights broke out between us because I wanted to tell my brother about the relationship, and he didn't. It was too much to take, so we figured out that we didn't want to end on bad terms, and still wanted to be friends." I opened my eyes and looked out at the city.

"Damn, I didn't know. I didn't know you two had history. I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I just assumed since you two were kissing, he wanted to take you from me."

"Zack, when you saw him kiss me, it wasn't what you thought. He was drunk, and I knew that he still had feelings for me. It was my fault too because I didn't pull away. I'm sorry."

He sat up and moved his chair closer to mine. Then he grabbed my hand. "The real reason I was so angry, was because I had told him earlier that I wanted to ask you to go out with me, and I was going to get the ok from Matt."

"Really?" I asked stunned. "You…you were really going to do that?"

He nodded his head proudly. "Yea, I planned it out for the last show in LA, I was going to take your brother aside and ask him if I could take you out on a date. I even worked out the speech I was going to say." He chuckled. "Then when I saw you two kissing, well, I thought maybe we wouldn't have worked out, and maybe we should just stay friends. Maybe Brian was better for you than me." He shrugged.

"I thought you hated me, and all those names you called me-" I stopped immediately choking back the tears in my throat.

His arms quickly wrapped around me. "I'm sorry Mal; I was angry and not thinking. I swear I never really thought about that with you."

I leaned into him and sighed. "I think that we should take things slow, for now. Until I can get myself back together, and figure out what's going to happen with the baby."

"Um, ok, but I do ask that you come live with me. My apartment is big enough for the three of us, and if it isn't, we can get a house. I've been saving up money."

I laughed and pulled away from him. "One thing at a time, I'll move in with you, but I'll help pay the bills. I think it's only fair."

"That's fine, but I promise one day you're going to fall madly into love with me, and you'll let me take care of you and the baby forever. You two will even become Bakers." He told me with a proud smile. "You just wait and see."

"Sure Zacky."

"You might not believe me now, but in time you'll see how everything is going to work out for the best."

I wished I had Zack's positive thinking.