Is This What You Call a Family?

It was weird to admit but, honestly, it was odd not falling asleep - or trying, I guess - to the sound of yelling. Whether it be the heated voices of Mom and whoever she was dating at the time or the neighbor kids screaming at two in the morning - like seriously, who lets their children play in apartment breezeways that late? - there was always something. But not here at Papa's house. Even the hospital had the faint sounds of angry patients or frantic medical staff. Here it was....quiet. Something I hadn't had much experience with that didn't end badly.

McKenna had watched me play Bioshock most of all day. The only time we weren’t cooped up in the game room was whenever one of us needed to use the restroom and when Papa came to collect us for dinner. But once we had our fill of pasta and Suzy waved off my offer of helping with dishes, we were back in the dark room as I tore apart Rapture. We had stayed there until around midnight when Papa had tiredly walked in and informed us that he and Suzy were going to bed. McKenna figured we should too to at least save them from any noise that might come from us. After she lent me some sweat pants, I headed back to my guest room and climbed under the covers.

That was well over five hours ago and I was still just studying the almost perfectly smooth ceiling. There was one spot in the corner that had seemed to have chipped or something, betraying that the ceiling had once been covered in the annoying bubbles that I was accustomed to. I could see why Papa and Suzy went through so much effort to try and erase their existence. I personally hated them myself. There were too many nights I had spent staring at my ceiling and trying to make shapes out of those annoying dots. I was happy there was almost none to see.

I finally sighed softly and pushed the blankets off of me. I slowly sat up to make sure I didn't stir any feeling in my still tender ribs. I was happy my body reacted so nicely to such simple medicine like Tylenol. I knew my body would hurt much worse if it wasn't so susceptible to medication. Suzy had made sure I took some at dinner and it still seemed to be affecting me. I knew by ten o’clock it would probably be worn off but it was nice to be without the pain for now. I carefully slipped off the bed before creeping across the carpet covered floor.

I cracked open my door and listened for any sound in the house. When I heard nothing I stepped out of the room and onto the hardwood floor. A small shiver danced up my spine before I headed to the separate bathroom. After taking care of my business I looked myself over in the mirror and wrinkled my nose at the sight of me. I looked like I just crawled from the deepest pits of hell and was then hit by a bus. And then proceeded to not sleep for a week. I groaned softly and splashed my face with water before removing my hair from its restraint. The locks fell into soft curls from being dried in my bun and I deemed myself slightly better.

Walking out of the bathroom room I noticed that it was still silent in the house. I thought it over in my head before drifting back to the game room. I made sure to shut the door and drastically turn down the volume on the tv once it loaded to avoid waking anyone. At least I hope I would. I would hate for other people to miss out on sleep just because I couldn't get any. I turned on the Playstation via controller and patiently waited for the system to finish starting up. I contemplated finishing Bioshock since McKenna said I was close to the end but decided against it. I started it with McKenna, I’d finish it with her too. Instead I pulled up Youtube. I decided to do what I usually did, pick a random video (this time it being "Swan Song" by Set It Off) and just continue to pick random videos until I ended up on the opposite end of the music spectrum.

"I can honestly say I wouldn't expect you to be a Jessie J fan," a voice suddenly spoke behind me. I jumped slightly and turned on my seat to see McKenna leaning against the door frame with a tired smile.

"She has an awesome voice," I defended.

"I can tell. I may have to check her out." McKenna let out a loud yawn as she covered her mouth with her hand. I glanced around the room before realizing there wasn't a clock anywhere to be seen. "It’s about seven-thirty, by the way."

"Oh." I remembered a bit too late that there was a clock when you hit the center button and wanted to smack my forehead at my stupidity. Another thought made me cringe and frown. "It’s really early. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"Oh no, not at all," McKenna said with a wave of her hand. "I have an internal alarm clock that doesn't let me sleep too long after seven. I was actually checking to see if you were sleeping or not and once I saw your bed empty I just figured you were in here. I was gonna jump in the shower while Mom made some breakfast before she heads to work. Do you need clothes?"

"Nah, I have my clothes from yesterday."

McKenna wrinkled her nose as if that was gross for her to even imagine. "No, no. You can have some of the clothes I don’t wear too much anymore. We can wash your clothes from yesterday with mine since I need to do a load anyways. C'mon."

I turned off the Playstation and television again before abiding to her wishes and following her out of the room and into her bedroom. I had gotten a small glimpse of her room last night when she gave me the sweatpants, but I had only the light from her walk in closet to see. Now that she had her overhead light on I could see every single thing in her room. She kept her room unusually clean and this had me smiling. My room was also this level of clean ever since I was a child that Mom would tease me and say I had OCD or something.

My eyes trailed over to the beautiful guitar sitting in the corner next to an amp. It was a purple that nearly matched McKenna's hair with sea foam green colored pinstripes. On the base of the guitar there was a skull with purple and black hair that also looked very much like McKenna's if the pink wasn't involved. On the neck was another skull with bat wings, along with "MAC" in a strangely cool font. It looked like it cost a pretty penny and someone went through a lot of effort to personalize it just for her.

"I know, pretty neat, huh?" I turned at the sound of McKenna's voice to see her out of her closet with a pile of clothes in her arms. She wasn't looking at me, however, she was also staring at the guitar with a loving look in her eyes. "Your dad got me that for my birthday. I don’t like to play it too much since I’m scared I’m going to break it somehow, but I really don’t want to hang it on the wall or put it away to collect dust. I just can’t make up my mind, I guess."

"My father got you this?" She nodded as she handed me my clothes and gently nudged me towards her door.

"Let me shower and get ready and then we can head down to breakfast together. Mom always gets Dad to make breakfast with her so don’t worry about asking to help. She'll just tell you to go away, albeit much nicer. See ya in a bit." I nodded dumbly and left to my room as she shut her door firmly behind me. I drifted on autopilot for a little bit until I was behind the closed door of the guest room and McKenna's clothes was spread out on the bed.

So Dad definitely had money, enough to buy McKenna a completely personalized guitar just for a measly birthday present. Something that could have been very trivial was this luxurious item that most people could only dream of having. It made me wonder how easy it would be to just casually ask him for a laptop or cellphone or, hell, even a goddamn car. I quickly shook my head at my own thoughts and felt particularly sick with myself. Money wasn't a thing I was too use to and I could feel myself become hungry for the idea of being able to blow the currency on whatever I whimmed, but I didn't like that feeling being a part of me. It made me feel disgusting, like all I cared about was the money he had. I would call myself a gold digger but I think that’s reserved for people who sleep with the person who had money.

I would not like that path, thank you very much.

Once I was dressed I gathered up my dirty clothes and the sweatpants I had borrowed and walked out of the room. McKenna’s door was still shut so I decided to drift downstairs and just toss my clothes in the washing machine seeing as how McKenna said she’d be doing laundry anyways. The smell of eggs and bacon assaulted my nostrils as I reached the first floor. I instantly drifted that way and entered the kitchen to see Suzy humming along to the radio as she stood at the stove. I recognized enough of the song to know it was by Katy Perry but the rest was lost to me. Mom was more of the radio listener. I preferred my CD collection.

"Oh! Morning, Juliet!" My head snapped up to see Suzy smiling at me from where she had just placed a significant amount of bacon on a plate waiting on the counter. "How’d you sleep?"

"Great," I lied offering a small smile. Her eyes briefly drifted to my arms and I followed her gaze to see my clothes about to fall from my grasp. I clutched them in one hand as I smiled to her again. "McKenna said she was going to be doing laundry and I could throw my clothes in, too."

"That’s all you have?" Suzy asked. When I nodded her face could only be described as astonished. What did they really expect? I hadn’t had time to go by the apartment and it’s not like I packed a bag just in case I went to the hospital. "McKenna, you should take her shopping. As a gift from Dad and I."

"Okay," McKenna said with a shrug as I turned to see her entering the room with her overflowing hamper. She shook it a bit as she stopped next to me and it took a moment for me to realize she wanted me to add mine into it.

"You guys don’t need to do that," I argued as I added the clothes. McKenna headed into the laundry room as Suzy scoffed.

"Nonsense. You need more clothes than just what McKenna lends you. It’s no problem, Juliet. Papa would be happy to have you buy some."

"I mean, if we could just stop by the apartment I could get my own clothes." Suzy tensed up and there was a slight hesitation before I heard the washing machine door being opened. "I can go by the apartment, right?"

"Well, we haven’t really been told that we can - "

"Of course we can!" We both turned at the new voice and saw Papa strutting into the room. "We’ll go after breakfast."

"Brian," Suzy said pointedly and gave him a look I couldn't quite comprehend. Papa just smiled and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"It’s fine, hun. Let’s eat! It smells great! Juliet, can you be a dear and grab the plate of bacon to go into the dining room?" Papa asked as Suzy took two bowls, beginning to fill one with hash browns and the other with scrambled eggs. I nodded slightly and grabbed it before heading through the door. The table was set for four with plates, cups, and utensils. I placed the plate in the middle of the setup before shifting on my feet anxiously. Which seat was everyone’s preferred spot?

My thinking was halted when McKenna walked in with a milk carton and a jug of orange juice. She placed them on either side of the plate I had brought and nodded her head to the seat I stood behind. "You can sit there. Dad and Mom usually sit on this side. Now I won’t be alone on my side!"

I gave a half assed smile before plopping in the seat. Papa and Suzy entered the room as McKenna began to pour drinks into glasses. I sipped on the milk I had chosen as everyone settled into their seats and took turns with each food to get their fill. Soon enough we were all eating our breakfast with some talk of Suzy’s work and everyone’s plans for the day. I zoned in and out a lot and hardly ate half the food I had taken. My mind was completely shutting down and it was a wonder how I could even drink from my glass without dropping it.

"Are you still hungry, Juliet?" I looked up from my plate I had been staring at for at least two minutes to see Papa smiling at me. His eye swam with concern and I noticed that Suzy’s matched his. I didn't even need to look at McKenna to know she probably had the same one.

"No, thank you. I’m fine." I offered a smile I hoped passed for real. I guess it was good enough since Papa’s smile grew and he nodded.

"Well I need to head out, guys," Suzy spoke as she rose to her feet. She and Papa shared a kiss causing McKenna to make a gagging noise that I think was more to amuse me than anything else. I let out a chuckle for her efforts as Papa rolled his eyes. "See you guys at five."

We bid our goodbyes before Papa gathered up the leftovers in his arms. McKenna grabbed the empty plates and used utensils as I grabbed all the glasses. We dropped them off with Papa since I was, yet again, waved off from offering to help. He informed us that we had fifteen minutes until we should head out and McKenna said that gave us enough time to finish Bioshock. It turns out that I was literally a door away from the last boss battle and I’m still not sure how the hell I beat it with my eyes hardly able to focus on it alone. I’m putting money on the heat-seeking RPGs and frag grenades.

"You could seriously give Matt a run for his money," McKenna said with a shake of her head as we headed back downstairs where Papa had just called for us from.

"I doubt it," I scoffed. From what McKenna had told me, this Matt guy could run circles around me at first person shooters. I sucked at most FPRs, I just happened to like Bioshock and so I somehow didn't completely suck.

"Okay. We’ll see you then. Bye." Papa pressed the red button on his phone’s screen as we walked up to where he stood in the entrance hall. He smiled at us as he slipped his phone in his pocket and grabbed his keys off the hook near the door. "You guys ready?'

"Yup," McKenna spoke with a pop of the ‘p’. She pulled open the door and let me out first before shortly following. "Was that Brian?"

"Yeah. He had a quick minute to check in before he had to leave," Papa explained as he followed us outside and locked the door. I frowned to myself as I headed to the car Papa and I had arrived in yesterday. I noticed one of the cars that had been in the driveway was gone which meant that the silver Charger that was left must be McKenna's vehicle. After buckling into my seat, I let myself zone out on the drive to the apartment. I don’t know how Papa knew where we had lived but I've just learned to not think too hard on the unimportant details. Maybe Eric Mathers told him, but who knows? I know I don’t care too much, I just want to get my stuff and never have to return to that place.

How busy can Brian be to not be able to talk to his own daughter?

That sudden thought was enough to jar me. I hadn't really been intentionally focusing on the thought but now that it was there, I couldn't ignore it. He had obviously known I had gone to the hospital and Eric Mathers surely would have had to talk to him at some point to be able to have Papa pick me up and release me into his care. There was three-ish days to call the hospital and nearly another now that he could have called Papa. Was he just not interested or was he that busy? I know I should count the fact that he did agree to take me in, but there was something that was still just bugging me about the whole situation.

"Jules?" I lazily turned my head from the window to see Papa’s concerned face. Y’know, he’s made that face a lot in the three days I've known him. Maybe I should stop doing whatever it is I’m doing. Nah, that requires effort I’m not willing to make. "This is the place, right?"

I looked back out my window to see our apartment building standing before us. I sat up straighter and could feel my pulse increase. Home. Well, what had been home for three months. I unbuckled my seat belt and moved to get out of the vehicle before I realized that I didn't have my key on me. And the office was definitely not opened yet. I turned back to Papa with a defeated look. "I don't have a key."

"The office manager unlocked it for us to come get your stuff. Just go ahead in," Papa explained.

I nodded and finally climbed out the car. As I shut the door I noticed McKenna turn to Papa and say something along the lines of we’re not letting her go alone, are we? I guess they were since I didn't hear any doors open as I walked away from the vehicle. I climbed the stairs and followed the familiar path that I could probably walk with my eyes closed. I reached door number 212 and hesitated with my hand on the knob. After a deep breath in, I pushed it open.

The smell that hit me was something I would describe as musty. My eyes trailed the room to see it in more or less of the condition it was that night as I entered the living room. My eyes stopped on two dark spots on the floor with many other smaller spots around it. That's it. That's the spot Mom was beaten to near death. And there’s where I almost died. I felt a chill dance down my spine at the thought. I kneeled down, gingerly placing my hand on the spot on the wood that I knew belonged to me. Tears began prickling at my eyes and it took all I had to not burst into tears.

I quickly stood and hurried to my room. The smell was making my head spin and the lack of sleep was really going to fuck me over soon. I took in a deeper breath as the smell of incense hit me. The smell seemed to be permanently embedded in my room since I lit at least two a day. I took a moment to get myself in check before heading to my closet to grab my bags. I began to shove all the clothes I owned (which wasn't too much to be honest) into my duffle bag along with my shoes and the few pieces of jewelry I owned. In my backpack I placed my pretty sizable CD collection along with the penguin I've had for as long as I can remember and my incense. I headed into the bathroom and grabbed my shower supplies along with my toothbrush and toothpaste.

As I was headed back to my room, I paused and stared at my mom’s closed door. After a moment of indecision, I finally pushed open the wood and simply stood in the threshold. Mom’s room had always been a lot more bare than my room. She simply had a mattress on the floor with some pillows and a blanket. The only other piece of furniture in the room was her dresser which held more illegal substances than clothes. I opened the bottom drawer and pushed aside a shirt to find her old photo album. I opened it and let my eyes skim the first picture that was there.

The only person I recognized was Mom. Her face looked much fuller, more at a normal level, and her hair was her original brown instead of the bleached color she had preferred lately. She was sitting with nine other people, a wide arrange of girls and guys, in front of what I assumed to be her old high school. One guy with hair to his shoulders had his arm wrapped around her waist as she leaned against him, both beaming with their friends.

That hat/

My eyes squinted as I stared closer at the man. The more I stared, the more I saw pieces of Papa and myself staring back at me. This is him, this is my father. I shut the album sharply and could feel pinpricks of anger flooding my system. This was the man that left us alone. The man who made Mom turn to terrible men to fill the void in her life. The man who couldn't be bothered to fucking show his face and had to leave me with his father instead of showing up to show he even cared.

I know I had wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but there was something about being here and being reminded of the sudden rip in my life that could be traced back to this man, I can’t handle it. I shoved the album into my backpack before hurriedly grabbing my duffle bag and heading outside. I shut the door a little harder than I had planned and took a deep breath as I leaned against it. After calming down to the point I wouldn't snap at anyone, I headed back downstairs and to the trunk Papa had popped open for me. I shut it as gently as I bothered to (which was not very gentle at all) and quickly climbed in, buckling myself in without a word.

"You okay, Juliet?" McKenna asked, almost hesitantly. I offered a tight lipped smile and a nod. "Wanna go out shopping? We can dump Dad."

"Actually, I think I rather just go back to the house," I said as I turned back to face out the window. Papa waited a moment before starting the engine and backing out of his parking spot.

"Are you sure? I don’t mind," Papa tried as we turned onto the street to head away from the apartment complex.

"I’m sure."