Status: Comments welcome, of course.. :3
Vodka
Vodka Or Lemonade
“Ugh-- h'llo. Do y'mind f'I sit here?”
“Wow, you're drunk. But feel free; do sit.”
“I am'nno- drunk.”
“You slurred.”
“Slurred? Wha'does that even mean? Slurred. I'ssa weird word, when you think about it. Weird word.”
“Strangely, you're right.”
“I's not that strange. I don't, wh-- Why'sit so strange?”
“Because you're drunk.”
“Who're you to come'nto my house an' tell me I'm drunk?”
“Oh, you're related to Beth Chammings?”
“Nuh.”
“So this isn't your house.”
“... No.”
“Wow-”
“Hey! Hey! Stop laughing at me-”
“The magic word?”
“Vodka.”
“Close enough.”
“Canna have yours?”
“My vodka?”
“Your vodka.”
“Go get your own.”
“Can't. Leah won'lemme have anymore.”
“For good reason. Leah must be a clever girl.”
“What?”
“Stand up. I bet you can't walk a straight line.”
“I can! I can! M'not that drunk!”
“Then go ahead.”
“Okay... Hey; look I-- ow! Dammit, wait—Wait I--”
“Jeez, don't hurt yourself, or Beth's furniture, should I say.”
“No, m'not drunk, I'll try again-”
“Don't, you don't-- have to...”
“Fuck, oh, whoops-”
“Shit, that's probably my bad. The picture frame?”
“It looks better on the ground.”
“I won't tell Beth you said that.”
“You shouldn't fuck Beth.”
“What?”
“What.”
“You're drunk.”
“...Little. So're you.”
“Why am I?”
“Help me up.”
“Well never mind my question then. Shit, you're gonna have to help me out here, you know. No-- lean up a bit-- ouch!”
“S'rry.”
“Do you often bite the hand the feeds you?”
“H-hey. Where're you goin'? Don'leave me.”
“Well I was going to get another drink bu-- hey! Give me my cup back--”
“Tha'snot vodka!”
“It's lemonade. I'm the designated driver for tonight.”
“Y'lied to me!”
“So did you, it's only fair.”
“When?”
“That you're not drunk. Am I wrong?”
“Wh's your name?”
“Uh, I'm--”
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Your trail of thought is impressive.”
“I think I'm a lesbian.”
“...Are you aware that you're a guy?”
“Little.”
“You're a little guy..?”
“Stop laughing-”
“Why?”
“Vodka?”
“Alright, alright. You're a male lesbian. Right. And how did you get to that conclusion? You like girls?”
“No, I don't like girls.”
“So... You're gay?”
“Who's gay?”
“You... You are gay.”
“No, I'm a lesbian.”
“Of course. So... You like guys?”
“No. What? Why're you holding my hand? Can I sleep on you?”
“I think you're a little too drunk to function right now.”
“Oi-- leaf me alone. Hey! Hey—tha'tickles--”
“Well, you said leaf.”
“I like this sofa—ow!”
“Oh, should I have told you to watch out for that?”
“Coffee tables're hard.”
“They are. Doors are even harder so you probably shouldn't-- watch your head! Fuck, hold onto me a sec- hey, Madden! Madden! What? Fuck you, no, just taking this guy upstairs--”
“Timber!”
“I know, hence why I'm taking him upstairs. Be down in a minute. Get me a Strongbow? Fuck you, man, are you kidding? I can manage one cider. Get me a can or you're getting a cab. Yeah, yeah, you love me, douche. Okay, come on.”
“Shit.”
“Problem?”
“M'mum's gonna kill me.”
“She won't have the chance if you don't help me out here, you can move your legs by yourself.”
“Stairs are diffult you know.”
“Difficult.”
“What?”
“You said-- fuck, whatever, never min-- hey! Hey, get up!”
“Wanna sleep here.”
“Get up, the spare bedroom is only over there; look. That's where I'm taking you.”
“There'll be sex. Lemme sleep here. You're comfy.”
“I need a drink.”
“Can I have your vodka?”
“I don't ha-- oh, sorry, no I'll move, he's wasted so...”
“Sorry... Fuck... m'a mess. A fuck up.”
“You're none of those things.”
“You're lying again.”
“Look, man, I've got to go.”
“Max.”
“What?”
“My name... Max.”
“Oh. Well, yeah. Max. I've got to go, so-”
“Don't. Don't go. Don't leave me. Vodka.”
“Wow, you're drunk. But feel free; do sit.”
“I am'nno- drunk.”
“You slurred.”
“Slurred? Wha'does that even mean? Slurred. I'ssa weird word, when you think about it. Weird word.”
“Strangely, you're right.”
“I's not that strange. I don't, wh-- Why'sit so strange?”
“Because you're drunk.”
“Who're you to come'nto my house an' tell me I'm drunk?”
“Oh, you're related to Beth Chammings?”
“Nuh.”
“So this isn't your house.”
“... No.”
“Wow-”
“Hey! Hey! Stop laughing at me-”
“The magic word?”
“Vodka.”
“Close enough.”
“Canna have yours?”
“My vodka?”
“Your vodka.”
“Go get your own.”
“Can't. Leah won'lemme have anymore.”
“For good reason. Leah must be a clever girl.”
“What?”
“Stand up. I bet you can't walk a straight line.”
“I can! I can! M'not that drunk!”
“Then go ahead.”
“Okay... Hey; look I-- ow! Dammit, wait—Wait I--”
“Jeez, don't hurt yourself, or Beth's furniture, should I say.”
“No, m'not drunk, I'll try again-”
“Don't, you don't-- have to...”
“Fuck, oh, whoops-”
“Shit, that's probably my bad. The picture frame?”
“It looks better on the ground.”
“I won't tell Beth you said that.”
“You shouldn't fuck Beth.”
“What?”
“What.”
“You're drunk.”
“...Little. So're you.”
“Why am I?”
“Help me up.”
“Well never mind my question then. Shit, you're gonna have to help me out here, you know. No-- lean up a bit-- ouch!”
“S'rry.”
“Do you often bite the hand the feeds you?”
“H-hey. Where're you goin'? Don'leave me.”
“Well I was going to get another drink bu-- hey! Give me my cup back--”
“Tha'snot vodka!”
“It's lemonade. I'm the designated driver for tonight.”
“Y'lied to me!”
“So did you, it's only fair.”
“When?”
“That you're not drunk. Am I wrong?”
“Wh's your name?”
“Uh, I'm--”
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Your trail of thought is impressive.”
“I think I'm a lesbian.”
“...Are you aware that you're a guy?”
“Little.”
“You're a little guy..?”
“Stop laughing-”
“Why?”
“Vodka?”
“Alright, alright. You're a male lesbian. Right. And how did you get to that conclusion? You like girls?”
“No, I don't like girls.”
“So... You're gay?”
“Who's gay?”
“You... You are gay.”
“No, I'm a lesbian.”
“Of course. So... You like guys?”
“No. What? Why're you holding my hand? Can I sleep on you?”
“I think you're a little too drunk to function right now.”
“Oi-- leaf me alone. Hey! Hey—tha'tickles--”
“Well, you said leaf.”
“I like this sofa—ow!”
“Oh, should I have told you to watch out for that?”
“Coffee tables're hard.”
“They are. Doors are even harder so you probably shouldn't-- watch your head! Fuck, hold onto me a sec- hey, Madden! Madden! What? Fuck you, no, just taking this guy upstairs--”
“Timber!”
“I know, hence why I'm taking him upstairs. Be down in a minute. Get me a Strongbow? Fuck you, man, are you kidding? I can manage one cider. Get me a can or you're getting a cab. Yeah, yeah, you love me, douche. Okay, come on.”
“Shit.”
“Problem?”
“M'mum's gonna kill me.”
“She won't have the chance if you don't help me out here, you can move your legs by yourself.”
“Stairs are diffult you know.”
“Difficult.”
“What?”
“You said-- fuck, whatever, never min-- hey! Hey, get up!”
“Wanna sleep here.”
“Get up, the spare bedroom is only over there; look. That's where I'm taking you.”
“There'll be sex. Lemme sleep here. You're comfy.”
“I need a drink.”
“Can I have your vodka?”
“I don't ha-- oh, sorry, no I'll move, he's wasted so...”
“Sorry... Fuck... m'a mess. A fuck up.”
“You're none of those things.”
“You're lying again.”
“Look, man, I've got to go.”
“Max.”
“What?”
“My name... Max.”
“Oh. Well, yeah. Max. I've got to go, so-”
“Don't. Don't go. Don't leave me. Vodka.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Jeesh, it's really stupid. But...